Divorce is final, I'm officially free

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello fellow survivors,

I wanted to share positive perspectives, because in kind, I gained and learned so much from you guys. My divorce is final and I feel so relieved to officially put this traumatic experience behind me. It's taken almost a year, but the pain has faded and I'm happy again. Nope, the wounds have not magically disappeared, but I feel strong and most importantly, I feel like myself. A bit changed, but I managed to take what was thrown at me and change for the better. I've always been a nice person, but I find that I'm even softer and even more compassionate. The anxiety is gone, I'm calm, and relaxed. LOL No meds are involved, though I'm not knocking if someone needs them. My friendships are stronger, I've acquired a couple of new friends who've brought laughter and happiness. Speaking of laughter and happiness, I value so much my friends who managed to made me laugh through my time of darkness. One friend even managed to make me laugh while I was crying and that friend will always be close to my heart.

My first post on this board is very different then the one I'm posting now. I've changed so much and though it was a tough road, I feel victorious. I had bumps in the road with him, but I managed to side step them. I know that each story is different, but if I had to point out a few very important things I learned about disengaging from someone with BPD, I would say to maintain NC, but if you have to for legal or custody reasons keep it to a minimum and/or communicate through the lawyer. Do not feed their need for drama and avoid them as much as possible. Do not try to make them understand, they do not understand. A close friend of mine said to me "I feel sorry for him because when he realizes what he's lost and what he had, he won't recover." I corrected my friend and told her that he won't realize, nor recognize, the mental disorder doesn't provide the capability to cherish something real. They're not wired that way, true love and intimacy scares them off. But I'm good, I don't need closure, I don't need words of what I meant to him. I know that they're words, no depth or feelings are attached. I don't want to ramble, just really wanted to take the time to give back, because I feel so grateful for all that you've all given me. I'm here if anyone has any questions I can help with.

I wish I could give you all hugs because we've all suffered at a level few understand and I commend you all for being so brave. Take it one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. Each person's situation is unique, but it does get easier with time.

Best,

Bianca

[Bianca]

Hello fellow survivors,

I wanted to share positive perspectives, because in kind, I gained and learned so much from you guys. My divorce is final and I feel so relieved to officially put this traumatic experience behind me. It's taken almost a year, but the pain has faded and I'm happy again. Nope, the wounds have not magically disappeared, but I feel strong and most importantly, I feel like myself. A bit changed, but I managed to take what was thrown at me and change for the better. I've always been a nice person, but I find that I'm even softer and even more compassionate. The anxiety is gone, I'm calm, and relaxed. LOL No meds are involved, though I'm not knocking if someone needs them. My friendships are stronger, I've acquired a couple of new friends who've brought laughter and happiness. Speaking of laughter and happiness, I value so much my friends who managed to made me laugh through my time of darkness. One friend even managed to make me laugh while I was crying and that friend will always be close to my heart.

My first post on this board is very different then the one I'm posting now. I've changed so much and though it was a tough road, I feel victorious. I had bumps in the road with him, but I managed to side step them. I know that each story is different, but if I had to point out a few very important things I learned about disengaging from someone with BPD, I would say to maintain NC, but if you have to for legal or custody reasons keep it to a minimum and/or communicate through the lawyer. Do not feed their need for drama and avoid them as much as possible. Do not try to make them understand, they do not understand. A close friend of mine said to me "I feel sorry for him because when he realizes what he's lost and what he had, he won't recover." I corrected my friend and told her that he won't realize, nor recognize, the mental disorder doesn't provide the capability to cherish something real. They're not wired that way, true love and intimacy scares them off. But I'm good, I don't need closure, I don't need words of what I meant to him. I know that they're words, no depth or feelings are attached. I don't want to ramble, just really wanted to take the time to give back, because I feel so grateful for all that you've all given me. I'm here if anyone has any questions I can help with.

I wish I could give you all hugs because we've all suffered at a level few understand and I commend you all for being so brave. Take it one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. Each person's situation is unique, but it does get easier with time.

Best,

Bianca

[hopealways]

Perfectly stated, everyone should read this especially this line:

"They're not wired that way, true love and intimacy scares them off. But I'm good, I don't need closure, I don't need words of what I meant to him."

[letmeout]

I fully agree that the best way to disengage is to maintain No Contact if you can. It has sure saved me. My crazy ex robbed me blind in the divorce, but it was a small price to pay for my freedom.

[Mutt]

hopeakways that line stuck out for me too.

Hi Bianca,

I want to say Congrats!

[Bianca]

Perfectly stated, everyone should read this especially this line:

"They're not wired that way, true love and intimacy scares them off. But I'm good, I don't need closure, I don't need words of what I meant to him."

Thank you, I'm glad it resonated with you. 

Hugs,

Bianca

[Bianca]

I fully agree that the best way to disengage is to maintain No Contact if you can. It has sure saved me. My crazy ex robbed me blind in the divorce, but it was a small price to pay for my freedom.

I took nothing when I left, nothing, I just wanted to leave and be free. So yes, I understand.  

Hugs,

Bianca

[Bianca]

hopeakways that line stuck out for me too.

Hi Bianca,

I want to say Congrats!

Thank you... .the finality was bittersweet because no one gets married with the intention to get divorced. But all is now behind me, and I feel stronger. Heck, if you can survive BPD, you can pretty much survive anything. 

Hugs,

Bianca

[Mutt]

hopeakways that line stuck out for me too.

Hi Bianca,

I want to say Congrats!

Thank you... .the finality was bittersweet because no one gets married with the intention to get divorced. But all is now behind me, and I feel stronger. Heck, if you can survive BPD, you can pretty much survive anything. 

Hugs,

Bianca

Well said.

[Forestaken]

Congratulations!

Little over a year after my D, I went to my annual physical.  My blood pressure improved!

[Bianca]

Congratulations!

Little over a year after my D, I went to my annual physical.  My blood pressure improved!

I completely understand. Due to the high stress and emotional trauma I was experiencing, I would get sick often. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was sick with something or other every other week. Since I left, I haven't seen my doctor once. So word to the wise, it's not just the emotional damage that takes a toll, there is physical damage as well. Stress, and in our cases traumatic stress, will put you in a hospital; there are lots of scientific studies that support this statement. Something to ponder... .