effects of BPD on non BPD siblings

[esmaine]

Well I thought I was doing ok this week, Havent cried for atleast 4 days then my son who lives abroad and has been very supportive in many ways has now announced that when he comes over this year for xmas he wont be staying with us but would prefer to stay elsewhere as he says the stress levels in our household are spoiling his vacations.  I look forward to him coming home all year and spending xmas as a family is always a joy for me.

Its never beeen a problem for him before and I suspect its because hes in a new relationship and may feel some embarrasment over our situation.  My other son has blocked my daughter on facebook as he is too angry with her over her recent drug taking actions to have any contact.

I just feel so sad right now

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kate4queen]

I know its hard, but I find with my BPD's siblings that I have to acknowledge that they too have been hurt and traumatized by my son's actions and that they have a perfect right to not want to have a relationship with their BPD sibling.

They have a choice. We don'y.

I think I'd be glad that your son is coming to see you and has found a way to make it happen without putting himself in a stressful position. it would be worse if you forced the issue and he refused to come at all, right?

My eldest son won't even be in the same room as my second son who has BPD.

[ProfDaddy]

I'm seeing the beginning of this with my D14 who has the double whammy of her mother (my ex) being borderline and her 11 year old brother.  She is trying to establish her own identity and stay clear of drama from her mom and S11 (who currently lives at an RTC).  D14 prefers not to see either of them, which is sad.  I visit S11 without D11.  The bright side is that D14 is establishing healthy boundaries and is working on not being attracted to friends who are high drama.  With any luck, she might be able to avoid repeating the cycle in her own choices of friends and partners in life. 

[AVR1962]

My daughter started displaying issues that I noticed when her father left. She is the oldest and would manipulate her younger siblings into doing her work for her. If she could not manipulate them with bribes or kindness she would then threaten them physically. All of this started very young and she did have control of her younger siblings, she pretty much ran the show. I tried to keep on top of things as much as I could. At one point when she had her driver's license she was taking her younger sister to the bank and having her withdraw money so that she (oldest  daughter) could spend the money.

She had a close bond with her father and she blamed me when he left and I could not do much good in her life after that point. If she got in trouble for something she would run to one of her siblings and tell them what a terrible mom I was. For my stepsons who did not really want to have a stepmom this was a perfect set up and daughter stepsons became her support system.

Younger daughter will have nothing to do with BPD daughter (her sister). Middle daughter knows the issues, she sees the problems and she has tried and at times but then has to go no contact for awhile.

This had pulled our family apart and I feel it mostly has to do with the lies and manipulation. My BPD daughter to play me against he step brothers and vise versa. At this point I am not sure they even realize this.

[Turkish]

I don't know if you will find quick answers, but you will find adults of BPD siblings on the Coping and Healing board. You may get some feedback there from survivors, with the perspective of age and wisdom.