Relationship barriers and excuses

[Depression = 72% of members]

 Things of been going well now that my GF has moved out.  She has taken responsibility for her own needs and I think that has made her feel better about herself.  The distance between us has also helped with her engulfment issues.

I asked her -albite probably too soon-  if she wanted be my girlfriend again.

( She broke up with me little over a month ago though not much in our relationship changed. Other than sex and her sleeping on the couch.

Those two things have since worked themselves out,  she however told me she is still undecided. She then became angry and called me a liar,  saying I still had connections to my ex-wife.

One of the stipulations of my divorce was that my ex-wife could live in the home for a couple years with our children until they went off to college.  After that time the house was to be sold and profits if any were to be split.  Long story short, the kids are in college the ex-wife is battling breast cancer and unable to work and has received a mortgage disability deferment.

The Home still has not sold

Me having my name on a home with my ex-wife has been a thorn in my GF's side.  She is both jealous and insecure. Wanting to sever the last tie to my divorce I made a decision.  I was married for a long time and I did not want to be a jerk to my possibly terminally ill ex-wife. So I filed a quit claim and took my name off of the home.

For me this was the right decision,  it finally closed a chapter in my life.  My GF sees it as me giving my ex-wife a house.  She is now telling me that we cannot be in a serious relationship until that the house sells.  I replied that it is no longer my home and I have no control over that.

This is just one of barriers she has placed in between us having or maintaining a serious relationship.  A few years ago we were engaged,  and though being married is extremely important to her,  I don't think it will ever happen between us.

[Seeks]

 Things of been going well now that my GF has moved out.  She has taken responsibility for her own needs and I think that has made her feel better about herself.  The distance between us has also helped with her engulfment issues.

I asked her -albite probably too soon-  if she wanted be my girlfriend again.

( She broke up with me little over a month ago though not much in our relationship changed. Other than sex and her sleeping on the couch.

Those two things have since worked themselves out,  she however told me she is still undecided. She then became angry and called me a liar,  saying I still had connections to my ex-wife.

One of the stipulations of my divorce was that my ex-wife could live in the home for a couple years with our children until they went off to college.  After that time the house was to be sold and profits if any were to be split.  Long story short, the kids are in college the ex-wife is battling breast cancer and unable to work and has received a mortgage disability deferment.

The Home still has not sold

Me having my name on a home with my ex-wife has been a thorn in my GF's side.  She is both jealous and insecure. Wanting to sever the last tie to my divorce I made a decision.  I was married for a long time and I did not want to be a jerk to my possibly terminally ill ex-wife. So I filed a quit claim and took my name off of the home.

For me this was the right decision,  it finally closed a chapter in my life.  My GF sees it as me giving my ex-wife a house.  She is now telling me that we cannot be in a serious relationship until that the house sells.  I replied that it is no longer my home and I have no control over that.

This is just one of barriers she has placed in between us having or maintaining a serious relationship.  A few years ago we were engaged,  and though being married is extremely important to her,  I don't think it will ever happen between us.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

You seem to have done what you feel is right and by your values, you don't regret that, and that is admirable and important...

Your GF struggles to have your past still involved in your life, that is pretty normal, yet at the same time your actions in her eyes have disadvantaged her. so she spat the dummy, the reasoning and balancing options, and what is right by you is not computable to her.

That is not your problem, you have dont what you think is right, that is your reality, you have conveyed that. If she cant accept that then you will just have to accept whatever the flow on consequences are, and avoid getting into conflict over it. Not everything is resolvable. The ball is in her court.

She will either eventually want to be in a serious relationship or not, they are her feelings. She may come up with reasons, but they may not always be the real reasons, she may not even know the real reasons, but she will need an excuse to hang her feelings on

[sweet tooth]

Sir, in my opinion you executed an ethical action for the mother of your children. It was in the best interest of your family. I feel badly that your girlfriend does not have the insight to understand that.