After almost 5 years, I got the news that my xBPDgf and ex friend are divorcing

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi guys,

I came to this board in June of 2011 completely beside myself because I had just been unceremoniously dumped by my xBPDgf of 6 years, who then ran off with my ex-friend and neighbour. They were engaged three to four weeks after our split and married in 2012. It was a typical BPD breakup complete with drama, lies, betrayal and the police being called and I almost being arrested under false allegations. Like most of you, I was completely shell shocked, hurt and questioning my sanity. The first year, I was on this board almost every day, sometimes all day trying to comprehend what the h*ll had just happened to me. Most of all I was angry for the betrayal by not only my ex, but by someone who called themselves my friend.

I became very close to my BPDx's son. She has no relationship with him, I however do. He sees me as one of his main parental figures, and I am totally cool with that because I love the guy. Yesterday he contacted me and let me know that he heard from my ex's ex (the guy before me, whom she had a daughter with) that my BPDxgf and former friend were splitting up and getting a divorce. Now I have no idea whether this is just one of those 'lets take a break' sort of things, or if this is the real deal drag out break up and divorce. Either way the cycle has clearly started again with my ex's current "soul mate". I struggled for a long time with guilt and accepting all the blame that my xBPDgf bestowed on me. This news I feel, has just confirmed what my head had been telling me all along, that my ex has major mental health issues, she clearly follows the same cycle, only now they are getting shorter and shorter and finally nothing changes when nothing changes. Why am I telling you this, because I know that some of you here are still new to all this BPD crap, you are feeling hurt, betrayed, at fault and in some cases completely hopeless. Your BPD exes have not magically changed with your replacements, in most cases its the same crap you went through, it just depends how much of it our replacements are willing to take. Over the last four and a half years, so many things have changed for me for the better. I finally let go of the crazy ex and no sooner had I done that, an amazing woman walked into my life. We were married this past September (there are happy endings after BPD). Once you stop focusing on your BPD exes and work on your life, you will find that things will open up for you in wonderful and unexpected ways. I was once like you, now almost five years later, I can tell you my life is 10000000000x's better than it ever was with my ex. At the time I never thought that would ever happen, but folks it did and it will. Keep the faith.

[gettingoverit]

Hi guys,

I came to this board in June of 2011 completely beside myself because I had just been unceremoniously dumped by my xBPDgf of 6 years, who then ran off with my ex-friend and neighbour. They were engaged three to four weeks after our split and married in 2012. It was a typical BPD breakup complete with drama, lies, betrayal and the police being called and I almost being arrested under false allegations. Like most of you, I was completely shell shocked, hurt and questioning my sanity. The first year, I was on this board almost every day, sometimes all day trying to comprehend what the h*ll had just happened to me. Most of all I was angry for the betrayal by not only my ex, but by someone who called themselves my friend.

I became very close to my BPDx's son. She has no relationship with him, I however do. He sees me as one of his main parental figures, and I am totally cool with that because I love the guy. Yesterday he contacted me and let me know that he heard from my ex's ex (the guy before me, whom she had a daughter with) that my BPDxgf and former friend were splitting up and getting a divorce. Now I have no idea whether this is just one of those 'lets take a break' sort of things, or if this is the real deal drag out break up and divorce. Either way the cycle has clearly started again with my ex's current "soul mate". I struggled for a long time with guilt and accepting all the blame that my xBPDgf bestowed on me. This news I feel, has just confirmed what my head had been telling me all along, that my ex has major mental health issues, she clearly follows the same cycle, only now they are getting shorter and shorter and finally nothing changes when nothing changes. Why am I telling you this, because I know that some of you here are still new to all this BPD crap, you are feeling hurt, betrayed, at fault and in some cases completely hopeless. Your BPD exes have not magically changed with your replacements, in most cases its the same crap you went through, it just depends how much of it our replacements are willing to take. Over the last four and a half years, so many things have changed for me for the better. I finally let go of the crazy ex and no sooner had I done that, an amazing woman walked into my life. We were married this past September (there are happy endings after BPD). Once you stop focusing on your BPD exes and work on your life, you will find that things will open up for you in wonderful and unexpected ways. I was once like you, now almost five years later, I can tell you my life is 10000000000x's better than it ever was with my ex. At the time I never thought that would ever happen, but folks it did and it will. Keep the faith.

[Mutt]

Hi gettingoverit,

Congrats! I think that you picked a good moniker "gettingoverit" I got divorced this week and my ex wife is not married but she's been with her boyfriend for almost three years and the relationship started in my marriage. I can relate with similar feelings as you with how much pain was the first year. It's incredible pain, it sounds like you are further along than me because your story goes back to 2011 before I got here, but we can move forward and live life. I appreciate that you stopped by and I'm happy to hear that you married a woman and that you're in a healthier relationship with than your ex pwBPD.

I bet that her son appreciates having you in life his mom has a history of chaotic relationships and it's good to have someone that you can lean on for support to weather us through the storms. I really enjoyed that part that you you could maintain a relationship despite all of the things that happened with your ex and that it didn't interfere with your relationship with him. Thanks for sharing.

[lipstick]

Hi GettingOverIt,

Congratulations on your marriage!  I remember your posts when I first came to this board. I can recall reading them and feeling how angry, frustrated, hurt & betrayed you were. So I'm very happy to hear about how your life has changed!

My ex dumped me back in October of 2012. Went back to an abusive spouse. I wasn't supposed to be the OW - but I won't go into the boring details on all of that. He's still with his spouse. They will be celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary in December.  Seem to be going strong. No signs of the disorder. She never gets painted black. Life seems to be fabulous for him.

My own life has improved in many, many ways. And I never want contact with that man again (not that he would try). That was my closure, I suppose.  So glad that you've healed and have a wonderful, bright future ahead of you!  And the juvenile in me is quite happy to hear that your ex's relationship has failed !  

[AsGoodAsItGets]

Very happy foryou.  The fact the child looks to you as a perential figure says a lot about who you are.  Be careful, she may look you up, maybe not.  God bless you.

[OnceConfused]

I am hoping that those who have come this site, all confused, hurt and filled with attachment (wanting to come back), can read your post here. The net of it is, BPD is who they are, like a lemon, we can not expect the sweet orange juice when we squeeze the lemon. It is better to call the loss and move on.

Thanks for posting the update.