Attempted Communication by STBX...

[Herodias]

Hi, just want your opinions... .my stbx text me last week early Monday morning at 12:15 am... .saying this; "Papers filed today. You should receive them within the next 30 days", then he tried to call, then he sent me an email saying this;

"My lawyer is filling the paperwork to the clerk tomorrow.  I truly wish you weren't so distant because we should speak. Something about being under duress when you brought me to court. Call me if you have time so we can speak please. I hope your well."

I had someone check, there is no filing on record at the courthouse and I honestly don't see how he can afford a lawyer. I think on one hand he wants to try and get out of paying me alimony, which may be the "duress" statement, but then he wants me to call and "speak" with him. You would think someone would want to talk before they filed something with a lawyer! I never contacted him at all. I figured he was drunk and wanted to either hear from me or argue with me by creating some kind of drama... .what's your take on this? I haven't heard anything since... .so far. I keep my phone on do not disturb at night for this reason.

[Mutt]

Hi Herodias,

I think that you can speak before or after you file. I think divorce is different for different people. Some people can get along fairly well with wrapping things up and for others it can be difficult.

When I read his text I would feel scared that he's going to file. Does it evoke similar feelings for you? I think that he wants your attention. It's hard to say what someone else is thinking though.

Do you have a L? Are you filing?

[Herodias]

I have a lawyer. We already did the final divorce settlement papers... .I was upset at first, but he does this stuff. He lies... .He has told me he is going to do something and has not. I used to get all upset. We are just waiting for the year separation to be over Jan. 16th so we can get the divorce. I would have done it sooner , but I wanted health insurance covered as long as I could. I am sure he will want to get divorced as soon as we can to quit paying that.

[Mutt]

I would feel disappointed if he moves the yardsticks. Good for you that you're not getting upset with your STBX's behaviors. I would also feel worried if he wants to get out of paying alimony.

Your divorce papers are finalized. He doesn't have a L and you have a L. How did this get sorted? It's hard to tell what he wants but I think he wants your attention, everything is taken care of and it's a matter of waiting. My suggestion, if he wants to talk to you about divorce, you could advise him talk to your L? What you have at the moment is a text that is distorted thinking.

[Herodias]

Thanks Mutt... .what did you mean by "moves the yardsticks?" I haven't heard anything since... .I think you are right about the distorted thinking and wanting my attention. I found out his GF got demoted at work, he might be thinking about money... .

[Mutt]

I recall my ex would change set plans with the kids last minute  ( before our court order ) and I was "walking on eggshells" with our custody order that she would stall on something. She would want to change a provision that benefited her and didn't benefit the kids and their time with dad. That's what I meant with moving the yardsticks. My ex often doesn't understand everyone's needs and can often be very self centered and selfish. He has an obligation to you, it sounds like he has his own stuff to sort out with his girlfriend.  You could use good triangulation here and have him speak to your L, that way it removes potential conflict and drama directed at you. I hope that helps.

[Herodias]

Yes... .thank you