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Author Topic: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment  (Read 584 times)
nickoftime

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 15


« on: November 11, 2015, 09:21:11 AM »

It's  been awhile since I visited this forum so I wanted to share the news that after one year of getting the silent treatment my exBPD reached out to me with a full blown recycle attempt.  Like so many of you  I was crippled by the silent treatment.   I never expected my ex to contact me again and I was forever painted black.   I was always looking for the stories when the ex comes back and reading through the lines and searching for clues if somehow I'll get painted white again.  So here's another story for those needing it.

Last February was the last time I tried contacting my ex.  My expectations were low and just as I thought I was ignored.  I deleted his number and resolved myself we were never going to talk again.  Long story short by June I was over the heartbreak and I  had a great summer.  I've long since put this behind me.

On Sunday nite I got a text from a number that was not in my contacts.  I was in the middle of something and I remembered to look at it about an hour later.  When I started reading the text I thought it was from someone else, someone I had a few dates with awhile back.  Halfway through reading it I realized it was from my exBPD and I started laughing. It was so pathetic.

Oddly this was not a testing the waters kind of text it was a full blown recycle attempt.  It started off good with an apology, then it went into a rehearsed script, professing his love and trying to tug at my heartstrings.  But of course he launched into this was somehow my fault.  And the last sentence was he never meant to hurt me.  Ha!  Are you kidding me?

This text did not awaken any feelings.  I'm not sad, confused, angry or bitter.  I'm indifferent and that's when you know you're healed.  I'm not responding back.  I have no interest rehashing anything.  This person is beneath me and unworthy of a reply.  I'm disgusted with myself for letting him have a silent grip on me for all those months.

Here's my takeaway from this.  There was a time I wanted a lifeline thrown to me.  I desperately wanted him to reach out and end the ST.  It is the cruelest weapon.  I would have gotten over this sooner if we could have just talked about it.  This is their trickery and their way of keeping you stuck.  I'm glad I worked through the pain and that this text didn't come when I wanted it because it would have confused me and kept me stuck.

I also like to offer something that got me across the finish line.  The idea that resonated with me and what got me over him was this.  Looking over the things he did and the way he treated me, I would be embarrassed if I treated anyone like that.  That was my light bulb moment.  Why would I pine away for someone who inflicts cruelty on purpose to someone.  On purpose!  Disgusting.

Good luck to all of you and I wish you peace.  Love yourself!
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cloudten
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 615



« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2015, 10:05:12 AM »

Thank you so much for sharing your story of hope! I am so happy that you have had much success in healing.
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hashtag_loyal
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 228


« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2015, 10:26:08 AM »

I'm indifferent and that's when you know you're healed.

Yes!

Thank you for coming back here to share this.
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musherx

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12


« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2015, 10:50:05 AM »

You sound good and healthy, but I suggest that you not feel disgusted with yourself for feeling attached for several months. Your intentions were likely honest. That's a good thing. Healthy people become attached when they love. Unfortunately you found a severely deranged person that entangled you for a bit of time. I'm glad you feel better.
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hope2727
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1210



« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2015, 07:48:47 PM »

Thank you so much for posting your story. I was having a really tough night and this helped immeasurably. I am glad you are indifferent. That is a powerful place to be. Congratulations. And you are so right, I would never want to treat someone the way he treated me. Yuck.
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joeramabeme
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In process of divorcing
Posts: 995



« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2015, 08:10:56 PM »

Thanks NickofTime, glad to hear that you have moved into a place of internal comfort.  I love your light bulb moment, have had similar thoughts, I can't seem to consistently hold it but when I am present with it I feel the same.
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