Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 12, 2025, 03:15:48 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment (Read 584 times)
nickoftime
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 15
The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
«
on:
November 11, 2015, 09:21:11 AM »
It's been awhile since I visited this forum so I wanted to share the news that after one year of getting the silent treatment my exBPD reached out to me with a full blown recycle attempt. Like so many of you I was crippled by the silent treatment. I never expected my ex to contact me again and I was forever painted black. I was always looking for the stories when the ex comes back and reading through the lines and searching for clues if somehow I'll get painted white again. So here's another story for those needing it.
Last February was the last time I tried contacting my ex. My expectations were low and just as I thought I was ignored. I deleted his number and resolved myself we were never going to talk again. Long story short by June I was over the heartbreak and I had a great summer. I've long since put this behind me.
On Sunday nite I got a text from a number that was not in my contacts. I was in the middle of something and I remembered to look at it about an hour later. When I started reading the text I thought it was from someone else, someone I had a few dates with awhile back. Halfway through reading it I realized it was from my exBPD and I started laughing. It was so pathetic.
Oddly this was not a testing the waters kind of text it was a full blown recycle attempt. It started off good with an apology, then it went into a rehearsed script, professing his love and trying to tug at my heartstrings. But of course he launched into this was somehow my fault. And the last sentence was he never meant to hurt me. Ha! Are you kidding me?
This text did not awaken any feelings. I'm not sad, confused, angry or bitter. I'm indifferent and that's when you know you're healed. I'm not responding back. I have no interest rehashing anything. This person is beneath me and unworthy of a reply. I'm disgusted with myself for letting him have a silent grip on me for all those months.
Here's my takeaway from this. There was a time I wanted a lifeline thrown to me. I desperately wanted him to reach out and end the ST. It is the cruelest weapon. I would have gotten over this sooner if we could have just talked about it. This is their trickery and their way of keeping you stuck. I'm glad I worked through the pain and that this text didn't come when I wanted it because it would have confused me and kept me stuck.
I also like to offer something that got me across the finish line. The idea that resonated with me and what got me over him was this. Looking over the things he did and the way he treated me, I would be embarrassed if I treated anyone like that. That was my light bulb moment. Why would I pine away for someone who inflicts cruelty on purpose to someone. On purpose! Disgusting.
Good luck to all of you and I wish you peace. Love yourself!
Logged
cloudten
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 615
Re: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
«
Reply #1 on:
November 11, 2015, 10:05:12 AM »
Thank you so much for sharing your story of hope! I am so happy that you have had much success in healing.
Logged
hashtag_loyal
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 228
Re: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
«
Reply #2 on:
November 11, 2015, 10:26:08 AM »
Quote from: nickoftime on November 11, 2015, 09:21:11 AM
I'm indifferent and that's when you know you're healed.
Yes!
Thank you for coming back here to share this.
Logged
musherx
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12
Re: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
«
Reply #3 on:
November 11, 2015, 10:50:05 AM »
You sound good and healthy, but I suggest that you not feel disgusted with yourself for feeling attached for several months. Your intentions were likely honest. That's a good thing. Healthy people become attached when they love. Unfortunately you found a severely deranged person that entangled you for a bit of time. I'm glad you feel better.
Logged
hope2727
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1210
Re: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
«
Reply #4 on:
November 11, 2015, 07:48:47 PM »
Thank you so much for posting your story. I was having a really tough night and this helped immeasurably. I am glad you are indifferent. That is a powerful place to be. Congratulations. And you are so right, I would never want to treat someone the way he treated me. Yuck.
Logged
joeramabeme
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In process of divorcing
Posts: 995
Re: The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
«
Reply #5 on:
November 11, 2015, 08:10:56 PM »
Thanks NickofTime, glad to hear that you have moved into a place of internal comfort. I love your light bulb moment, have had similar thoughts, I can't seem to consistently hold it but when I am present with it I feel the same.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
The EX returns after 1 Year of Silent Treatment
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...