I'm so jealous... I've been pushed back in my healing process big time.

[problemsolver]

Honestly I question if I'll ever heal... I was at indifference. I was fine. 0 communication over 7 weeks... I get hit with a PO out of the blue. . In the process I find out about the replacement. . Talk to him , none of this is his fault... he's just an innocent guy... But I know how it works... Massive fight on a Monday... make up sex that night... loads of sex , "us against the world attitude" everyone who goes against her is a liar... .I know what it's like when she's in her prime... we always used to eat lunch and dinner together co dependant and now that's him. ... she's so good in her idolizing phase

And there's nothing I can do. . that used to be me... if someone showed me a red flag about her I wouldn't listen either. . Like I have him on SM she's all over his sh** now... .I don't know how to recover anymore. The worst part is he looks exactly like me so it's like shes living our life through him and it's f*** getting to me now

My friends are tired of hearing about it... I recently had to look at all these photos of us and send them to the cops. . ( opening old memories and wounds)

My friends are shocked I'm not over it. I don't know what to do anymore. . I almost feel like I just need a new girlfriend. I'm really concerned.

[joeramabeme]

My friends are shocked I'm not over it. I don't know what to do anymore. . I almost feel like I just need a new girlfriend. I'm really concerned.

Ya, my friends don't want to hear it either, they are real nice but when I talk with them they don't ask about her or the divorce.  They really want me to be over it - even more than I do - 

I have tried the new GF.  It helps in that I have a friend to spend time with and time not sitting by myself focusing or reminiscing is good for me.  But the GF does not replace the need to heal and there are moments where the feelings from the broken RS spill over.  I found myself feeling angry with the GF for now coherent reason.  I knew this was a sure sign of what was going on.

No way out but through.  We will heal, just not on our clock.

[cloudten]

so what's going on with the police? is that deal kinda over or is there a restraining order against you?

Yes, my friends are tired of hearing about it... .this is why a THERAPIST is the best medicine. Yes you have to pay them to listen to you... .but you aren't stressing your friends out. It takes the stress off the friendships and puts it on the professional helping you... .and that's their job.  I lost friends who didn't want to hear it anymore. In retrospect, I shouldn't have used my friends as therapists. It wasn't fair to them either.

Additionally- that's what we are for! We are here because we understand!

I would be careful with the whole "The best way to get over the last one is with the next one" philosophy.  If you don't deal with your own issues that allowed you to be sucked in by your exgf, you stand the risk of being sucked right back into the same (or worse).  I agree with Joe, just realize that a new GF does not replace the need to heal, and you probably have baggage you will take out on a new GF... .whether you intend to or not.

[C.Stein]

Rebound relationships aren't healthy for any party involved.  While is does serve to help put aside the pain, you never really heal properly nor do you really get the chance for personal insight and growth.  Sadly I have been on the wrong end of one too many rebounds and paid dearly for it.

[problemsolver]

so what's going on with the police? is that deal kinda over or is there a restraining order against you?

Yes, my friends are tired of hearing about it... .this is why a THERAPIST is the best medicine. Yes you have to pay them to listen to you... .but you aren't stressing your friends out. It takes the stress off the friendships and puts it on the professional helping you... .and that's their job.  I lost friends who didn't want to hear it anymore. In retrospect, I shouldn't have used my friends as therapists. It wasn't fair to them either.

Additionally- that's what we are for! We are here because we understand!

I would be careful with the whole "The best way to get over the last one is with the next one" philosophy.  If you don't deal with your own issues that allowed you to be sucked in by your exgf, you stand the risk of being sucked right back into the same (or worse).  I agree with Joe, just realize that a new GF does not replace the need to heal, and you probably have baggage you will take out on a new GF... .whether you intend to or not.

Basically that last I heard they closed the investigation. . The "psychologist" suggest she get a PO just because we had an r/s not necessarily based off her making a good case for one... no RO or anything ... no charges being pressed... just kind of a big F U ... I guess? She can get the PO... but it's on her own time but I assume I'll get something in the mail.

Regarding a new R/s... yeah I suppose... she just seems to fly in and out of relationships and it "works" for my BPDex , I guess? She gets fully immersed 200 % in another to overide the memory of me / the one before me.

[problemsolver]

Rebound relationships aren't healthy for any party involved.  While is does serve to help put aside the pain, you never really heal properly nor do you really get the chance for personal insight and growth.  Sadly I have been on the wrong end of one too many rebounds and paid dearly for it.

Yeah I agree... would one consider a rebound something right after an R/S or simply starting an R/S when your not healed? ... .I just feel like I need a visual or something to show myself , that my chapter with my BPDex is over. . She bruised my ego... talked down on me alot... as if she's the queen of England and I'm a piece a dirt... I don't know I just want to fully move forward

[C.Stein]

Would one consider a rebound something right after an R/S or simply starting an R/S when your not healed?

In my experience rebounds happen for a couple of reasons.  First and foremost to avoid the pain of a breakup/rejection.  Others include avoidance of self-examination and introspection, to fulfil a need to be wanted, desired, sex, etc... .  I think generally speaking rebounds don't lead to healthy relationships because the motives aren't pure to begin with.

I don't really know what an appropriate time frame is, that depends on the person.  I think the only way you will know for sure if you are healed is to put yourself out there, just do it cautiously and without dangling carrots.