I have found evidence of fraud that could put my BPD ex in jail, but should I?

[joel6242]

I have been going back and forth on this all weekend long. I have 50 pages of documents showing that my BPD did commit fraud. I have turned the information over to the government agency that he committed fraud with but it is likely they will not do anything since it implicates multiple people. I need to send it to the Inspector General of Illinois for any action. I think I am doing this to drive him to leave the city that I live in and partly to get him to finally take responsibility for his actions. I think that for me the other risk is that I fear his retaliation. In one way I feel that I should just walk away from this, in another I need to do the right thing. It would stir up a hornets nest like no tomorrow and I would need to testify. Anyone have thoughts?

[Someguywrote]

Let it go... .

[Mr Hollande]

I am one of those rare people who see no wrong in retaliating but there are many ways to do it though.

One question I think you should ask yourself. Two actually. Should this fraud case gain legs, what are the chances of it pointing towards you? Would it be worth the potential fall out? By fall out I mean you are dealing with a disordered person who may not rest until he has done tenfold to you what you did to him. Possibly beyond that.

Is that a possibility and would it be worth it?

[guy4caligirl]

I would drop it , it's nothing but causing headaches to you and him , , What's in in for you but more stress , sooner or latter he will be paying for his mistakes if it's not now .

What are you trying to accomplish by doing so ?

[joel6242]

Thanks, that is good advice. I have already done to much. And yes the retaliation would probably be bad.


Leting go... .g.

[Mutt]

I think I am doing this to drive him to leave the city that I live in and partly to get him to finally take responsibility for his actions.

I have already done to much.

You sound really hurt. What happened that made you think about retaliating?

[joel6242]

That is a good question. He has been physically and mentally violent with me. Threatened to kill me more than once. Took several thousands of dollars. Pawned everything I gave him. Had me put in jail twice the first case was dismissed for domestic violence and I have to go to court for the next one in December. This time he started with I hit him which did not work with the police, He told the police I was drunk driving (DUI). The good news is I was never tested for alcohol. Court fees this year alone have been 35K including the restraining orders which I got another two weeks ago. I think I never want to see him again, because I am afraid I would go back and I know that would kill me literally. I just learned about BPD four weeks ago from my doctor but there was not sex factor. Until I accidentally found an ad with his picture as a transvestite escort.

I found women cloths in the apparent and a wig, I asked him about it but he said no that it was a costume. I stopped trusting him about 5 months ago and put up cameras when I was away for work. I worked in another city Monday thru Friday. It showed him telling a group of friends that he would kill me for my insurance money. Also on the tape is a older white mail and two transvestites, one white and one black. Money was exchanged and they went at it on my couch in my apartment. He said it was not him but he did let his friends use the apartment.

I started looking at papers that he left and found out so many lies. I think if there was a scale 1-5 of BPD people, he would definitely get a solid 5. I think I am trying to send a message that he is not welcome. This is very small parts of things. There are so many things. Now I have to worry about STD testing after finding the ad. Basically, I am NC which includes doing anymore researching.

[Mutt]

Hi joel6242,

Wow.

I think I am trying to send a message that he is not welcome.

I agree with Mr Hollande. You've really been through a lot and you say this is a small part of things and it sounds like there's a lot more. I recall when I arrived here that I had a lot on my chest, I couldn't talk to people for several years about my relationship because people couldn't connect with me. Often, I was blamed by family members or friends because they thought that I must of done something from my ex wife's reactions. She's not diagnosed and BPD behaviors are directed at the people closest to them, you could say that it's almost an invisible disorder. I guess what I'm trying to convey is that you can use the boards here to vent and slowly let everything go.

You mention that your Dr told you about BPD? Do you mean a MD or a P? Are you working with a T concurrently with a support group?

You work out of town in another city, have you given thought about moving?

[Mr Hollande]

Your ex sounds out of control and dangerous to me. I'd be very careful with any dealings concerning him.