Emerging from the FOG ... JOY

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Folks, two months ago, I was an absolute WRECK.  Sick to my stomach.  Depressed.  Couldn't eat.  Couldn't sleep.  Couldn't think.  The FOG lifted slowly but surely (especially thanks to all of you and this website), and ... .get this:

I recently met someone.  Bad idea so soon after post-break-up trauma, right?  Well, stick with me here.  We've been going out like "normal" human beings do -- 2-3 times a week, getting to know each other, laughing, discussing, etc.  Texting and talking on the phone maybe once a day.  At no time have things like "love" or "savior" been mentioned.  At no time has sex been part of the conversation.  At no time have I felt like the person is deliberately trying to impress me in order to reel me in.  The future isn't a discussion because the present is still being decided and the past talked about.  I don't see myself in this person -- I see them as their own person.  And you know what?  Even if this new thing doesn't work out, it feels so good and normal in contrast to my experience with my BPD ex.  I feel MORE desired than I ever did with BPD ex.

I noticed that with Mr. BPD I always felt on edge for some reason, and I couldn't pin it down.  Anxiously attached.  Something isn't right.  What's he doing?  Is he hiding something?  Is he lying?  I better keep tabs!  Oh, he cheated?  Well, I'll excuse it because X.  Oh, he's yelling at me again?  Well, he's usually so sweet; I'll let it slide.  From beginning to end with the BPD ex, I didn't feel normal.  I felt high.  Not happy.  HUGE difference.  I was traumatically bonded to BPD ex.  Terrified of not having him, terrified OF him.  If I were a heroin addict, I imagine it'd be much the same story!  Terrified of not having the drug, terrified OF the drug.

With this new person, I feel like we're allowed to be who we are.  And I'm not terrified of losing him because, well, I don't even know if I want him!  And he's allowed to not know if he wants me.  So not only am I experiencing something healthy right now, I'm also really seeing my relationship with BPD ex for what it was.  It was not healthy.  It could never have been healthy.  And if the new guy doesn't pan out?  I will appreciate him a great deal, anyway, because he definitely put things into perspective, without even knowing it.

IT.

GETS.

BETTER!

[Creativum]

Folks, two months ago, I was an absolute WRECK.  Sick to my stomach.  Depressed.  Couldn't eat.  Couldn't sleep.  Couldn't think.  The FOG lifted slowly but surely (especially thanks to all of you and this website), and ... .get this:

I recently met someone.  Bad idea so soon after post-break-up trauma, right?  Well, stick with me here.  We've been going out like "normal" human beings do -- 2-3 times a week, getting to know each other, laughing, discussing, etc.  Texting and talking on the phone maybe once a day.  At no time have things like "love" or "savior" been mentioned.  At no time has sex been part of the conversation.  At no time have I felt like the person is deliberately trying to impress me in order to reel me in.  The future isn't a discussion because the present is still being decided and the past talked about.  I don't see myself in this person -- I see them as their own person.  And you know what?  Even if this new thing doesn't work out, it feels so good and normal in contrast to my experience with my BPD ex.  I feel MORE desired than I ever did with BPD ex.

I noticed that with Mr. BPD I always felt on edge for some reason, and I couldn't pin it down.  Anxiously attached.  Something isn't right.  What's he doing?  Is he hiding something?  Is he lying?  I better keep tabs!  Oh, he cheated?  Well, I'll excuse it because X.  Oh, he's yelling at me again?  Well, he's usually so sweet; I'll let it slide.  From beginning to end with the BPD ex, I didn't feel normal.  I felt high.  Not happy.  HUGE difference.  I was traumatically bonded to BPD ex.  Terrified of not having him, terrified OF him.  If I were a heroin addict, I imagine it'd be much the same story!  Terrified of not having the drug, terrified OF the drug.

With this new person, I feel like we're allowed to be who we are.  And I'm not terrified of losing him because, well, I don't even know if I want him!  And he's allowed to not know if he wants me.  So not only am I experiencing something healthy right now, I'm also really seeing my relationship with BPD ex for what it was.  It was not healthy.  It could never have been healthy.  And if the new guy doesn't pan out?  I will appreciate him a great deal, anyway, because he definitely put things into perspective, without even knowing it.

IT.

GETS.

BETTER!

[Michelle27]

Ahh... .that sounds awesome.  I too met someone and although I didn't intend to and wasn't looking, I decided to see where it would go.  I'm 8 months separated (first 3 were therapeutic but then I decided I couldn't do it anymore).  The new guy knows my baggage and that I'm healing and is patient (most of the time LOL).  He appreciates me for me, isn't pretending to be someone he's not and we can actually have a healthy debate without things getting ugly.  That said, I know I have healing to do because no matter what the reason (never related to me), if he gets frustrated over say, his computer not working, I get anxious.  It's getting less and less now as I see NORMAL reactions and I'm learning to expect that.  And we can communicate about it so he knows when I get anxious and why and he knows it'll pass but that I need that time to heal.  The FOG has definitely lifted.  I'm  not hung up on whether it will work long term or not, I'm just enjoying every day as it comes and that's definitely JOY. 

[MSNYC]

It's really good to hear all of this, because I feel like this forum is really helpful for those of us who are in the thick of it. Once people have recovered and moved on, they probably post way less here.