Is there any reason to keep a relationship with BPD sis?

[Charlie3236]

I've read through hundreds of posts and articles on this site now (thank you so much for all your help!), but I'm starting to wonder why on earth someone would want a BPD in their life. My little sister does a lot of the terrible things many of the people here talk about, then acts sweet as pie like nothing happened. It's gut-wrenching and infuriating! I want to cut her out of our lives completely, but I have a lot of guilt over it (mostly because I'm a Christian). But I'm having difficulty seeing the benefit of keeping any relationship at all with her.

[Turkish]

So do you feel like the boundaries and communication tools aren't helping you? It sounds like you're frustrated, and maybe angry. How do you feel not protected or vulnerable, or is it something else?

[Hopeful_Mom]

I, too, am a Christian. Have you read Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. Growing up with very few boundaries, I had to learn how to have them as an adult. I am no contact with my family of origin and because of this book, I do not have guilt. I learned that I had no choice but to take care of me and my heart.

[Charlie3236]

Turkish, I'm frustrated (infuriated really), because my boundaries are not respected. I can talk until I'm blue in the face, but as soon as little sis perceives a slight she goes ballistic anyway. Then goes crying to my enabling father about how horrible I've treated her, and he puts a huge guilt trip on me. I'd like to cut them both out, but it just seems wrong. This Sat I'm about to have yet ANOTHER talk with my dad about boundaries regarding my sister and my son. And he probably once again won't get it.

The whole experience is like pounding my forehead in to a wall!

[Turkish]

What's the deal between her and your son?

[Charlie3236]

She hates me (I think, it's kinda hard to tell with BPD), but she's crazy about my 1.5 month-old son. She wants my dad to take him to visit her alone so she doesn't have to see us. Hubs and I are adamant about that not happening. Sis is welcome to see my son with his parents only. It's been a real struggle, and it's hurting my relationship with my elderly enabling dad. BPD is so messy. I feel like it invades all family dynamics.

[Turkish]

She hates me (I think, it's kinda hard to tell with BPD), but she's crazy about my 1.5 month-old son. She wants my dad to take him to visit her alone so she doesn't have to see us. Hubs and I are adamant about that not happening. Sis is welcome to see my son with his parents only. It's been a real struggle, and it's hurting my relationship with my elderly enabling dad. BPD is so messy. I feel like it invades all family dynamics.

A 6 week old baby doesn't belong with anyone else but his parents. I imagine being an auntie is exciting, but this seems like over-attachment.

[tenacity]

      

I am soo sorry you are having to deal with this at all but especially after having just had a baby. I would almost be suspicious of her love for your baby... .quite possibly she is just using this as another tool to try to upset  you. You, being a new mom... .CONGRATULATIONS   ... .so deserve some down time to just bond with and enjoy your very special time with your baby boy. And it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or if they get upset. That is their issue and not something you need to worry about. She is being incredibly invasive and shame on  your dad for trying to guilt you into letting her. I have read many times that people with BPD etc, don't respond well to being told how we feel or how we wish they would behave. They do however respond to consequences. I have tested it and it is true!  Just my two cents but I would let them know... .once... .that you are going to take a little break and have some special alone time with your newborn son... .and that you will let them know when you are ready for visits, which you will be a part of - which you have already said... .no mom and dad = no visit with baby... .the end... .if you want to. You deserve to be happy and not going through something like this right now. Your life has changed and you are now responsible for a little sweetheart and if they don't agree with how you want to parent or whatever, again, not your problem. As far as the talk with your dad... .it doesn't sound like they really change anything which is so often the case with enablers and BPDs. The bottom line is this isn't your problem to fix. It sounds like you have tried. Your attentions and responsibilities have a new direction now and it doesn't include trying to keep the peace between your dad and your sister. Wishing you the best, I know it is definitely not easy