Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 11, 2025, 02:21:52 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Is there any reason to keep a relationship with BPD sis?  (Read 550 times)
Charlie3236
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 112


« on: November 16, 2015, 11:11:51 PM »

I've read through hundreds of posts and articles on this site now (thank you so much for all your help!), but I'm starting to wonder why on earth someone would want a BPD in their life. My little sister does a lot of the terrible things many of the people here talk about, then acts sweet as pie like nothing happened. It's gut-wrenching and infuriating! I want to cut her out of our lives completely, but I have a lot of guilt over it (mostly because I'm a Christian). But I'm having difficulty seeing the benefit of keeping any relationship at all with her.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2015, 12:07:24 AM »

So do you feel like the boundaries and communication tools aren't helping you? It sounds like you're frustrated, and maybe angry. How do you feel not protected or vulnerable, or is it something else?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Hopeful_Mom

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 23



« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2015, 04:45:19 PM »

I, too, am a Christian. Have you read Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. Growing up with very few boundaries, I had to learn how to have them as an adult. I am no contact with my family of origin and because of this book, I do not have guilt. I learned that I had no choice but to take care of me and my heart.
Logged
Charlie3236
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 112


« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2015, 09:50:56 AM »

Turkish, I'm frustrated (infuriated really), because my boundaries are not respected. I can talk until I'm blue in the face, but as soon as little sis perceives a slight she goes ballistic anyway. Then goes crying to my enabling father about how horrible I've treated her, and he puts a huge guilt trip on me. I'd like to cut them both out, but it just seems wrong. This Sat I'm about to have yet ANOTHER talk with my dad about boundaries regarding my sister and my son. And he probably once again won't get it.

The whole experience is like pounding my forehead in to a wall!
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2015, 09:55:04 AM »

What's the deal between her and your son?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Charlie3236
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 112


« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2015, 01:06:27 PM »

She hates me (I think, it's kinda hard to tell with BPD), but she's crazy about my 1.5 month-old son. She wants my dad to take him to visit her alone so she doesn't have to see us. Hubs and I are adamant about that not happening. Sis is welcome to see my son with his parents only. It's been a real struggle, and it's hurting my relationship with my elderly enabling dad. BPD is so messy. I feel like it invades all family dynamics.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2015, 01:18:24 PM »

She hates me (I think, it's kinda hard to tell with BPD), but she's crazy about my 1.5 month-old son. She wants my dad to take him to visit her alone so she doesn't have to see us. Hubs and I are adamant about that not happening. Sis is welcome to see my son with his parents only. It's been a real struggle, and it's hurting my relationship with my elderly enabling dad. BPD is so messy. I feel like it invades all family dynamics.

A 6 week old baby doesn't belong with anyone else but his parents. I imagine being an auntie is exciting, but this seems like over-attachment.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
tenacity
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Happily married 28 years.
Posts: 1287



« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2015, 08:15:11 PM »

      

I am soo sorry you are having to deal with this at all but especially after having just had a baby. I would almost be suspicious of her love for your baby... .quite possibly she is just using this as another tool to try to upset  you. You, being a new mom... .CONGRATULATIONS   ... .so deserve some down time to just bond with and enjoy your very special time with your baby boy. And it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or if they get upset. That is their issue and not something you need to worry about. She is being incredibly invasive and shame on  your dad for trying to guilt you into letting her. I have read many times that people with BPD etc, don't respond well to being told how we feel or how we wish they would behave. They do however respond to consequences. I have tested it and it is true!  Smiling (click to insert in post) Just my two cents but I would let them know... .once... .that you are going to take a little break and have some special alone time with your newborn son... .and that you will let them know when you are ready for visits, which you will be a part of - which you have already said... .no mom and dad = no visit with baby... .the end... .if you want to. You deserve to be happy and not going through something like this right now. Your life has changed and you are now responsible for a little sweetheart and if they don't agree with how you want to parent or whatever, again, not your problem. As far as the talk with your dad... .it doesn't sound like they really change anything which is so often the case with enablers and BPDs. The bottom line is this isn't your problem to fix. It sounds like you have tried. Your attentions and responsibilities have a new direction now and it doesn't include trying to keep the peace between your dad and your sister. Wishing you the best, I know it is definitely not easy 
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!