Did your BPD Partner Make You Ugly?

[barterbarter]

After 4 years, finally over, and for the first time ever after a breakup I'm feeling more relief than constant despondence.

One of the things that I've noticed since the breakup is I'm starting to look better and younger than I was when I was with her. The constant stress made me haggard and my self-care was completely neglected because I spent almost every moment of every day trying to manage her neuroses. (She also insulted my looks all the time which wasn't exactly helpful.)

She took a toll on my career, my family life, my mental and emotional health and I truly believe I would have died young if I had stayed with her.

It's lonely without her but I'm feeling my sanity come back. I am resigned to the fact that for a highly-sensitive person like myself a BPD relationship is unsustainable.

Thanks for reading. Good luck to all.

[Schermarhorn]

After 4 years, finally over, and for the first time ever after a breakup I'm feeling more relief than constant despondence.

One of the things that I've noticed since the breakup is I'm starting to look better and younger than I was when I was with her. The constant stress made me haggard and my self-care was completely neglected because I spent almost every moment of every day trying to manage her neuroses. (She also insulted my looks all the time which wasn't exactly helpful.)

She took a toll on my career, my family life, my mental and emotional health and I truly believe I would have died young if I had stayed with her.

It's lonely without her but I'm feeling my sanity come back. I am resigned to the fact that for a highly-sensitive person like myself a BPD relationship is unsustainable.

Thanks for reading. Good luck to all.

I was having depression issues before I met her, after the first breakup I started doing things for myself.

After the last breakup my energy tanked, and I even quit working out consistently. It's starting to come back now, slowly.

[gameover]

@barterbarter

Funny you mention that.  I was looking over old pictures from our relationship a couple weeks ago and I was struck by how much older and tired I looked in all the photos from later in our relationship.

I'm about four months out, and I look younger and noticeably healthier; all the people I've seen this week who I hadn't seen since the break up told me how great I look.  But more importantly, I feel a helluva lot better physically (the first noticeable improvement was about a month post b/u).  I didn't realize all the stress I'd been internalizing over the course of the relationship--I suffer from depression from time to time and assumed that that was what I was dealing with toward the end of my relationship, but within three weeks of her moving out the "depression" was gone and it was almost like meeting the 'old me' again--the person I was before the relationship who I hadn't noticed I had lost somewhere along the way.

[hopealways]

Yes I grew white hairs while with her which after NC started growing black. My wrinkles also have started going away. These people really give us daily heart attacks!

[Beach_Babe]

My hair fell out from that waste of space. It grew back after he abandoned me. I also lost the extra pounds I put on (from stress eating).

[Michelle27]

I am a teacher and every year, just like the kids, I get "school pictures" taken.  The past few years, I've been pleased with mine because I lost 140 lbs over 4 years.  But this year, 4 months past final breakup my picture just looked so different. My eyes sparkled, my smile was more than just in my lips and my skin tone looked so much healthier than last years'.  The difference was even noticed by some friends.

[Beach_Babe]

You go girl!

[Someguywrote]

No. I was always good looking. Lol

But my ex wasn't outwardly crazy. She didn't stress me out on a regular basis. She just detached one day.

[13YearGoodbye]

3 months out I'm getting lots of compliments from casual acquaintances about how great I look. They don't know anything about my personal life, they just mention that I look fit or happy.

My weight is lower than at any time since I met her.

I dress better. In clothing that authentically fits my personality, and not in what won't cause a dysregulation rage.

I feel great.

It'd be nice if some of the gray hair grew in colored.

[jTrue426]

I lost 50 pounds and my career and then she left me

[Brighter Days]

I must have looked pretty bad because people who don't know what's gone on in my personal life are complimenting how much younger, relaxed and happier I look.  I think I was just so exhausted and focussed on trying to keep my life and the lives of my kids on an even keel, I didn't give much thought to the image I was presenting to others.  I recall looking in the mirror days after my husband left and seeing a face looking back at me that was a bit scary- drawn, pale, extremely bloodshot eyes (from stress and crying).  

Saw a psychologist this week for the first time and after talking for a while he asked me if I was always so calm and articulate.  I told him had he seen me in the summer, in the midst of the storm, it would have been a lot different... .

I'm learning to enjoy life once again.  What a privilege to have this opportunity!

[hergestridge]

I don't think she made me ugly, but the one thing I have noticed is that almost instantly after my breakup I started to get attention from women (who knew nothing about my past or the breakup) every now and then, something that had not happened for many years.

Since I had not changed my looks or appearance in any way I can only conclude that my lack of self confidence (and shame) was reflected in the way I walked talked and in how I looked at other people.

I think the relationship with my BPD wife made me feel ugly and unattractive. When push came to shove she didn't seem to like me a lot. In bed I was objectified and used a masturbation tool. And that's the kind of loveless sex I got if I was lucky. Much of the time there was no sex, and I was left alone ruminating what had gone wrong. If there was something wrong with me etc.

I always felt that she stayed with me because she was afraid to leave me.

That's the kind of stuff that grinds down ones confidence and makes one feel ugly I suppose.

[balletomane]

After I went NC, I gained some weight. This was a good thing, as I was underweight through the constant anxiety and stress. Comparing photos of now with photos from then, I can see that before I was like a toothpick figure while now I look much healthier. My hair is thicker and shinier, my face is fuller, I don't look as though I'm about to break.

I actually feel uglier now, though. My replacement is really gorgeous and that makes me feel insecure and unwanted.

[GreenEyedMonster]

After a 4 month relationship, my hair was falling out in clumps and I lost 10 pounds.

[Popcorn71]

In the 9 years that I was with my exBPDh I gained 3 stone, I had major surgery twice, I constantly felt depressed and ill and I looked at least 10 years older than my age.  Within a few months of him leaving, I lost a lot of weight, I returned to my former 'self' and now look at least 5 years younger than my actual age and I feel really healthy and fit.  I take more pride in my appearance and I now wear clothes that I like and have my hair styled how I like it, rather than going along with what he preferred, which was a look that made me look more his age than mine (he was 16 years older than me).

Yes, he made me ugly!