How long did it take from them to come back?

[kyon147]

Hi All

Recently broke up with my undiagnosed BPDgf and I read a lot about them coming back after some time. In my situation she says she still loves mes, wants to be with me but cant because she wants to herself out (get therapy). She does not think this is it between us but in the time we have been together she has slept with 3 other people. We broke up almost exactly the same time last year for similar reasons.

She is also talking to another guy who I found messages from both saying they love each other after knowing him for like 3 weeks. I am just dreading she will come back after NC for X amount of time and I wont be strong enough to say no.

She also thinks we still have a line of communication open, but "she wont be the person to initate first contact" her words. Looking at it now I wanted to go full NC when she decided to break up but she manipulated me into wanting to talk at some point. Should I just block her on FB etc and try to move forward? Will blocking her as I know she FB stalks cause her to panic and try to get in touch with me?

Not sure what to do guys.

[Infern0]

Hi All

Recently broke up with my undiagnosed BPDgf and I read a lot about them coming back after some time. In my situation she says she still loves mes, wants to be with me but cant because she wants to herself out (get therapy). She does not think this is it between us but in the time we have been together she has slept with 3 other people. We broke up almost exactly the same time last year for similar reasons.

She is also talking to another guy who I found messages from both saying they love each other after knowing him for like 3 weeks. I am just dreading she will come back after NC for X amount of time and I wont be strong enough to say no.

She also thinks we still have a line of communication open, but "she wont be the person to initate first contact" her words. Looking at it now I wanted to go full NC when she decided to break up but she manipulated me into wanting to talk at some point. Should I just block her on FB etc and try to move forward? Will blocking her as I know she FB stalks cause her to panic and try to get in touch with me?

Not sure what to do guys.

we have heard that line a few times today!

anyway my friend, decide what you want and then we can give you better advice.

if you want her back, post on staying, if you want to move on post here

they are different things and the advice on either will be very different.

[juniorswailing]

Try reading your post as if you were someone else and think what advice you'd give them.

Walk away. It's sad, I'm on day 3 now, but it's the only way.

[kyon147]

we have heard that line a few times today!

anyway my friend, decide what you want and then we can give you better advice.

if you want her back, post on staying, if you want to move on post here

they are different things and the advice on either will be very different.

To be honest, I am stuck on what to do.

Part of me wants to wait it out and continue the soft NC that has happened and see what happens when she gets into contact and try and see if it is worth saving (which seems very slim reading other posts). I love her so much (which is party probably how she has set it all up) and thought she was the one who I would spend my life with.

The other side of me wants to block her completely, so we are not even friends on Facebook because currently we are but she can't see my posts, or see me online but can message me.

I think back to all the things I know, I remember back when I found out about one of the first cheats, she was sleeping around with other guys even when we had first gotten together (she does not know i know that). So I say it is 2-3 but it is probably so many more. She mentioned to me before we broke up that she has to change her password every other week because she thinks I will spy on her (i have looked before that is how i know of the other cheats) but thinking back that is a massive red flag. She changes her password because she is doing wrong and wants to hide it but flips it onto me that it is my fault she has to change her password. It is so subtle I am only starting to realise these small manipulations that have a big impact.

Her "friend" is staying over this week and he is from Canada (they have never met). She told me before we broke up and I was still wary then but now I just think, knowing her past and if she has BPD its pretty much 100% they will sleep together and even if we talk, I doubt she will ever, ever tell me unless I like look down her phone (which i hate doing). I don't know if I can ever trust her again but I am also scared not too try.

I always thought she just had depression and anxiety but since breaking up this time around and joining here I am certain she has BPD and wonder how no one has picked up on it from her.

It has been 10 days since we spoke (the day I drove from her house) I feel like I am not doing as bad as I thought and not as bad as last year but it is hard to let someone go when you have so many questions unanswered and why they did the things they did. After being cheated on in my previous relationship I thought she would be the one, even worse she has cheated so many times, probably more than I know and countless times if it is just emotional cheating.

How do you guys do this>?

[kyon147]

Try reading your post as if you were someone else and think what advice you'd give them.

Walk away. It's sad, I'm on day 3 now, but it's the only way.

I am trying so hard to walk away, after happening more than once now and finally starting to understand she might have more wrong with her than she and I believed.

My post above explains more what I am going through.

How are you doing three days in? What caused you to decide it is time to go full NC?

[Infern0]

To be quite honest with you, and you ask how do we do it.

The hard line for me has always been cheating, i know she does it, as (and i'm ashamed to admit it) but she cheated on a boyfriend with me in the past.

She knows i will walk forever if it happened so she has never (to my knowledge) done that to me, she did sleep with someone during one of our breaks however i did too so we are even on that score.

In my opinion, with the amount of times she has cheated on you... .and i mean it's up to you but i personally would not continue, her respect level for you is through the floor, so if you wanted to continue at all then you should put your foot down and demand that she undergo therapy, no therapy, no relationship.

if you want to get her back, honestly no contact is your best ally in that regard, chasing them does not work, but you suddenly vanishing will make them wonder what's going on with you and it draws them back in. In my experience it's as easy as that, sever all contact and before long they contact you, ignore them for a little while until they start freaking out then break nc and usually you can get them back that way.

But as i say, for you i think you need to look at therapy yourself, i'm truly sorry for what you have been through but it's not normal to forgive cheating on the level you have and you seem highly codependent (i have some traits of that myself, we most all do on this site) and you ought to work on that.

A big part of making BPD relationships somewhat workable is you must be able to command their respect, and in your current state you wont be able to.

[juniorswailing]

My story - briefly.

I knew this woman over 30 years ago as we were part of the same large group of people that went to the same pubs and clubs. I went out with a couple of her pals but not her.

Fast forward to about 6 months ago and we connected through FB and started chatting. Slowly at first then more frequently.

4 months ago we started seeing each other and initially it was like every other person on here. Sex 24/7, intimate secrets told all to do with her being a victim of something etc etc. I was her saviour.

She moved in with me we kind of spoke about marriage at some point down the line. Everything was fantastic.

I noticed small weird things about her behaviour but was being swept along on an emotional express and ignored them.

After it got to the stage that I couldn't ignore it and started to look for reasons a number of factors brought me here and it was like a light had been switched on.

Pretty much everything that could happen with a BPD, she is undiagnosed btw,  has happened. I'm not sure about the cheating but that wouldn't surprise me.  I've been pulled, pushed and gone through the emotional wringer a number of times. We spoke about what might be the cause and deep down I think she knows but she is in denial.

She decided to go, and decided enough was enough and didn't stop her.

We seem to be in the NC stage, as much from her as from me, and I'm just waiting for the next stage to start.

Yes there were good times but they soon went and when it was bad it was ___. Really ___. That's why I'm coping now because I can't go back to what it was. It was making me ill.

Read as much as you can, I did.

Look for some hope, I did.

Listen to the collective advice on here, I did.

After all that I realised I had to let her go. It's not my battle with her demons, it's hers.

[kyon147]

To be quite honest with you, and you ask how do we do it.

The hard line for me has always been cheating, i know she does it, as (and i'm ashamed to admit it) but she cheated on a boyfriend with me in the past.

She knows i will walk forever if it happened so she has never (to my knowledge) done that to me, she did sleep with someone during one of our breaks however i did too so we are even on that score.

In my opinion, with the amount of times she has cheated on you... .and i mean it's up to you but i personally would not continue, her respect level for you is through the floor, so if you wanted to continue at all then you should put your foot down and demand that she undergo therapy, no therapy, no relationship.

if you want to get her back, honestly no contact is your best ally in that regard, chasing them does not work, but you suddenly vanishing will make them wonder what's going on with you and it draws them back in. In my experience it's as easy as that, sever all contact and before long they contact you, ignore them for a little while until they start freaking out then break nc and usually you can get them back that way.

But as i say, for you i think you need to look at therapy yourself, i'm truly sorry for what you have been through but it's not normal to forgive cheating on the level you have and you seem highly codependent (i have some traits of that myself, we most all do on this site) and you ought to work on that.

A big part of making BPD relationships somewhat workable is you must be able to command their respect, and in your current state you wont be able to.

What you say is so true, I never believed I would become to codependent on someone, I was not like that at the start of our relationship but she has managed to pull me into that.  I do agree that I should look for some therapy and it is hard to have to admit that she has done this to me. You are right, all my friends say the same thing. I should and they would of walked away the first time it happened.

I guess on top of that I need to come to terms with who she really is and that it is highly unlikely that she will ever change. It is just crazy how mutual friends I speak to don't realise how she really is, they all think she is a "good girl". Master manipulator I think is the actual description.

[kyon147]

To be quite honest with you, and you ask how do we do it.

The hard line for me has always been cheating, i know she does it, as (and i'm ashamed to admit it) but she cheated on a boyfriend with me in the past.

She knows i will walk forever if it happened so she has never (to my knowledge) done that to me, she did sleep with someone during one of our breaks however i did too so we are even on that score.

In my opinion, with the amount of times she has cheated on you... .and i mean it's up to you but i personally would not continue, her respect level for you is through the floor, so if you wanted to continue at all then you should put your foot down and demand that she undergo therapy, no therapy, no relationship.

if you want to get her back, honestly no contact is your best ally in that regard, chasing them does not work, but you suddenly vanishing will make them wonder what's going on with you and it draws them back in. In my experience it's as easy as that, sever all contact and before long they contact you, ignore them for a little while until they start freaking out then break nc and usually you can get them back that way.

But as i say, for you i think you need to look at therapy yourself, i'm truly sorry for what you have been through but it's not normal to forgive cheating on the level you have and you seem highly codependent (i have some traits of that myself, we most all do on this site) and you ought to work on that.

A big part of making BPD relationships somewhat workable is you must be able to command their respect, and in your current state you wont be able to.

What you say is so true, I never believed I would become to codependent on someone, I was not like that at the start of our relationship but she has managed to pull me into that.  I do agree that I should look for some therapy and it is hard to have to admit that she has done this to me. You are right, all my friends say the same thing. I should and they would of walked away the first time it happened.

I guess on top of that I need to come to terms with who she really is and that it is highly unlikely that she will ever change. It is just crazy how mutual friends I speak to don't realise how she really is, they all think she is a "good girl". Master manipulator I think is the actual description.

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry you also had to go through this, like with everyone else here.

How long have you been NC for?

I am starting to work through things and just come to terms with myself that I need to think about me as a person and not me as a couple with her. Being here does give me hope and everyone is supportive and more than anything they understand.

I have always been someone wanting to go above and beyond helping a love one, but as you mention, this just is not my fight.

[juniorswailing]

Master manipulator is right.

She doesn't have ANY close friends anymore and her acquaintances will think she is wonderful.

Mine had two personas, the one I saw and the one everyone else saw.

[kyon147]

Master manipulator is right.

She doesn't have ANY close friends any more and her acquaintances will think she is wonderful.

Mine had two personas, the one I saw and the one everyone else saw.

Yeah exactly, she does not have any close friends, none at all and never a friend who is a girl, they are always guys her friends. She used to say "girls just dont like her" now I am understanding why that might be.

I always thought, why did she has so many sexual partners in the past like quick flings and short relationships (so many red flags). Her longest one apart from me that was 4 months and little did I know we got start seeing each other just a week after breaking up with her ex. Something I only found out at this break up.

I dont want to admit she is a lost cause because I love her but I do not think she will ever change.

Like yours mine had two as well, the happy I am a nice girl to everyone who was on the outside. The other was her actual self which has high and lows like no bodys business.

[Confused108]

I'm sorry you went thru this. It really is crazy that some cheat, some don't, etc. I was also suckered into mine with her playing the victim etc. . We knew eachother from kids 14 1st loves etc. 28 years later finds me on FB and pulled the same crap on me she did back then.  He is undiagnosed btw. My ex was diagnosed Bipolar at 14 but her traits are more BPD. I feel she was misdiagnosed. I will be honest she was never like that when we first got involved as early teens. It was after my Mom threatened her to stay away from me. Months after that I saw her again tried to get back an that's when the push/ pull started. Then I found out she was in a mental ward for 2 months. Now in June he patiently waited 2 years for me to take her bait and took me o. A hellish roller coaster ride from Hell until she dumped me early Sept. Gave stupid excuses of how now as adults we are not compatible. Pure BS story. The only contact I gave her was to tell her off. She wanted to remain friends but I said no way for my own sanity. She lives in Canada and I'm in NY. I do still love her. But I can't live like that or go through what she did to me Push/Pull again. She has since blocked me from all social media etc. I myself don't think I will ever hear from her again. But my friend if your ex ha cheated on you that many times it time to say goodbye. As much as it hurts. For your own sanity!

[kyon147]

I'm sorry you went thru this. It really is crazy that some cheat, some don't, etc. I was also suckered into mine with her playing the victim etc. . We knew eachother from kids 14 1st loves etc. 28 years later finds me on FB and pulled the same crap on me she did back then.  He is undiagnosed btw. My ex was diagnosed Bipolar at 14 but her traits are more BPD. I feel she was misdiagnosed. I will be honest she was never like that when we first got involved as early teens. It was after my Mom threatened her to stay away from me. Months after that I saw her again tried to get back an that's when the push/ pull started. Then I found out she was in a mental ward for 2 months. Now in June he patiently waited 2 years for me to take her bait and took me o. A hellish roller coaster ride from Hell until she dumped me early Sept. Gave stupid excuses of how now as adults we are not compatible. Pure BS story. The only contact I gave her was to tell her off. She wanted to remain friends but I said no way for my own sanity. She lives in Canada and I'm in NY. I do still love her. But I can't live like that or go through what she did to me Push/Pull again. She has since blocked me from all social media etc. I myself don't think I will ever hear from her again. But my friend if your ex ha cheated on you that many times it time to say goodbye. As much as it hurts. For your own sanity!

Hi Confused108

Thanks for much for getting back to me. I am sorry to also hear about your problems with your ex, we all seem to have similar situations and it terrible but also the reason we are able to understand.

I have spent a few nights on this forum reading other peoples stories as well as speaking to friends who know us both (boy did they not know the real her until I gave them a little insight).

I have decided to go cold turkey and have NC to be able to deal through everything that has happened within the past 4 years I am also going to speak to my GP about some therapy sessions just so I can get stuff off my plate so to speak and get some professional advice.

It is really tough, even as I am writing this I just want to be back with her but she has shown more than once over the past 4 years that the cycle can never be broken because its not myself that is doing anything wrong, it is just the way she is. Only she can help herself with or without my support. For me however, I cant keep doing the push and the pull, the cheating, the lies, the ups and downs. I love her but for my sake it is time to let her go, it might take months but I am willing to push my self to do it.

[Fr4nz]

I'm sorry you went thru this. It really is crazy that some cheat, some don't, etc. I was also suckered into mine with her playing the victim etc. . We knew eachother from kids 14 1st loves etc. 28 years later finds me on FB and pulled the same crap on me she did back then.  He is undiagnosed btw. My ex was diagnosed Bipolar at 14 but her traits are more BPD. I feel she was misdiagnosed. I will be honest she was never like that when we first got involved as early teens. It was after my Mom threatened her to stay away from me. Months after that I saw her again tried to get back an that's when the push/ pull started. Then I found out she was in a mental ward for 2 months. Now in June he patiently waited 2 years for me to take her bait and took me o. A hellish roller coaster ride from Hell until she dumped me early Sept. Gave stupid excuses of how now as adults we are not compatible. Pure BS story. The only contact I gave her was to tell her off. She wanted to remain friends but I said no way for my own sanity. She lives in Canada and I'm in NY. I do still love her. But I can't live like that or go through what she did to me Push/Pull again. She has since blocked me from all social media etc. I myself don't think I will ever hear from her again. But my friend if your ex ha cheated on you that many times it time to say goodbye. As much as it hurts. For your own sanity!

Hi Confused108

Thanks for much for getting back to me. I am sorry to also hear about your problems with your ex, we all seem to have similar situations and it terrible but also the reason we are able to understand.

I have spent a few nights on this forum reading other peoples stories as well as speaking to friends who know us both (boy did they not know the real her until I gave them a little insight).

I have decided to go cold turkey and have NC to be able to deal through everything that has happened within the past 4 years I am also going to speak to my GP about some therapy sessions just so I can get stuff off my plate so to speak and get some professional advice.

It is really tough, even as I am writing this I just want to be back with her but she has shown more than once over the past 4 years that the cycle can never be broken because its not myself that is doing anything wrong, it is just the way she is. Only she can help herself with or without my support. For me however, I cant keep doing the push and the pull, the cheating, the lies, the ups and downs. I love her but for my sake it is time to let her go, it might take months but I am willing to push my self to do it.

These are the right choices Kyon. Keep it up! 

[juniorswailing]

Keep strong.

I've downloaded all the episodes  of SOA to watch and keep busy.

Mind you, me and her were at a 3 day  motorcycle rally in August, so I'm getting flashbacks to when it was still good

[Confused108]

Kyon I know what you going through! It's terrible I know. My ex was the love of my life. Thought about her for years. Then when back in June she told me she loved me as teens and was Still in love with me I was estatic! On cloud 9 the whole shabang! He spoke of marriage me moving to Canada to be with her etc. . Then came the green eyed monster. I do t hav to tell you I love you everyday. I don't want this . I'm not interested anymore. In a matter of 2 months she must have tried to break it off with me 4 to 5 times. The push/ pull almost every week . Then it seemed to calm down for like 3 weeks straight then bam dumped me and blamed the whole relationship on me etc. it was me chasing her , coming onto her blah blah. I believe now that I'm "Painted Black " as they would say. In the beginning I was the love she never got over then in the end I was the mistake that she so so regretted and she said she never loved me and didn't know why she said it. So no friend they don't change. It won't ever get better if they don't go for help. It's a losing battle and as much as it kills me I know the love of my life is dead and someone else has taken over her mind body and soul. It is time to move on. You can do it. Just keep busy. Talk to your friends , vent a lot and type here. It's hard I know ! You can get through this. It's the coming back that I worry about.

[hashtag_loyal]

I have decided to go cold turkey and have NC to be able to deal through everything that has happened within the past 4 years I am also going to speak to my GP about some therapy sessions just so I can get stuff off my plate so to speak and get some professional advice.

It is really tough, even as I am writing this I just want to be back with her but she has shown more than once over the past 4 years that the cycle can never be broken because its not myself that is doing anything wrong, it is just the way she is. Only she can help herself with or without my support. For me however, I cant keep doing the push and the pull, the cheating, the lies, the ups and downs. I love her but for my sake it is time to let her go, it might take months but I am willing to push my self to do it.

I think you are making the right decision. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now. It may hurt right now, but you will be much happier in the future.

As for what helps me stay strong and never consider taking my ex back?

1. Knowledge that nothing would change (particularly the lying and cheating would always continue), and

2. Knowledge that there are A LOT of girls out there that don't lie, cheat and manipulate.

Stay strong, dude! You've got this.

[kyon147]

I have decided to go cold turkey and have NC to be able to deal through everything that has happened within the past 4 years I am also going to speak to my GP about some therapy sessions just so I can get stuff off my plate so to speak and get some professional advice.

It is really tough, even as I am writing this I just want to be back with her but she has shown more than once over the past 4 years that the cycle can never be broken because its not myself that is doing anything wrong, it is just the way she is. Only she can help herself with or without my support. For me however, I cant keep doing the push and the pull, the cheating, the lies, the ups and downs. I love her but for my sake it is time to let her go, it might take months but I am willing to push my self to do it.

I think you are making the right decision. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now. It may hurt right now, but you will be much happier in the future.

As for what helps me stay strong and never consider taking my ex back?

1. Knowledge that nothing would change (particularly the lying and cheating would always continue), and

2. Knowledge that there are A LOT of girls out there that don't lie, cheat and manipulate.

Stay strong, dude! You've got this.

Hashtag,

What you say is so true, it is hard to come to the realisation that the person you love so deeply is able to continuously hurt you, lie, cheat and emotionally affect you. It is even scarier when after all that you still love them, want to help them and want you and them to work.

It is so hard to not just contact her on FB and try and sort things out. All i know that will do is push her away and also give her more power for the games to continue. Forgiveness is just not anymore not after the amount of times she has cheated on me emotionally and physically. If that is what she wants to do then she can do so, but in the process she has lost me forever the one person able to put up with her and her faults for 4 years longer than I think any normal human would ha.

Anyone else going through the same and is just reading this forum, I would tell them to sign up and post. Such an amazing bunch of supportive people.

[juniorswailing]

Mine went through at least three traumas in her life, anyone of which might have been enough to tip a normal person over the edge, so I'm not surprised she is the way she is.

For that reason I know that it's not her, it's something inside her that drives it on.

I don't blame her but I can't do anything about it and once you realise that it's the start of the healing process.

I was amazed just how many folk are in the same boat, I thought it was just me !

[kyon147]

Mine went through at least three traumas in her life, anyone of which might have been enough to tip a normal person over the edge, so I'm not surprised she is the way she is.

For that reason I know that it's not her, it's something inside her that drives it on.

I don't blame her but I can't do anything about it and once you realise that it's the start of the healing process.

I was amazed just how many folk are in the same boat, I thought it was just me !

It is not just you at all! We are all on this forum for very similar reasons. It is what binds us and how we understand each other.

Going NC for 11 days is something I thought would never happen to me when I was in a relationship with my uBPDexgf. Since we broke up we have not spoken. She has made no effort to talk to me either and made it clear when we broke up she would not communicate first. She probably knew I would break, this time is different.

I do just dread the day she does try and come back and it seems like most of them do.

Stay strong and keep chatting to people, use this as a refuge and also a place to get things off your chest.

[juniorswailing]

Mine was being contacted constantly by her last ex when we met up. She also told me about previous exs who wouldn't let go.

I remember her daughter one day saying to her what was it about her that caused all her exs to keep trying to get back.

Maybe she ( and the rest ) thrive on that. I won't be getting in touch with her so we'll  see hw that all pans out.

I wondered if I would continue to use the boards after we split but it is a good resource and it's always good to let others know what you've been though and offer any help.

[hashtag_loyal]

I remember her daughter one day saying to her what was it about her that caused all her exs to keep trying to get back.

Probably because of all the "I miss you" texts she sent to each one of her exes behind the back of her current SO.

Those exes never let go because she goes out of her way to prevent them from doing so.

Stay strong, brother. You've got this.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

we have heard that line a few times today!

anyway my friend, decide what you want and then we can give you better advice.

if you want her back, post on staying, if you want to move on post here

they are different things and the advice on either will be very different.

To be honest, I am stuck on what to do.

Part of me wants to wait it out and continue the soft NC that has happened and see what happens when she gets into contact and try and see if it is worth saving (which seems very slim reading other posts). I love her so much (which is party probably how she has set it all up) and thought she was the one who I would spend my life with.

The other side of me wants to block her completely, so we are not even friends on Facebook because currently we are but she can't see my posts, or see me online but can message me.

I think back to all the things I know, I remember back when I found out about one of the first cheats, she was sleeping around with other guys even when we had first gotten together (she does not know i know that). So I say it is 2-3 but it is probably so many more. She mentioned to me before we broke up that she has to change her password every other week because she thinks I will spy on her (i have looked before that is how i know of the other cheats) but thinking back that is a massive red flag. She changes her password because she is doing wrong and wants to hide it but flips it onto me that it is my fault she has to change her password. It is so subtle I am only starting to realise these small manipulations that have a big impact.

Her "friend" is staying over this week and he is from Canada (they have never met). She told me before we broke up and I was still wary then but now I just think, knowing her past and if she has BPD its pretty much 100% they will sleep together and even if we talk, I doubt she will ever, ever tell me unless I like look down her phone (which i hate doing). I don't know if I can ever trust her again but I am also scared not too try.

I always thought she just had depression and anxiety but since breaking up this time around and joining here I am certain she has BPD and wonder how no one has picked up on it from her.

It has been 10 days since we spoke (the day I drove from her house) I feel like I am not doing as bad as I thought and not as bad as last year but it is hard to let someone go when you have so many questions unanswered and why they did the things they did. After being cheated on in my previous relationship I thought she would be the one, even worse she has cheated so many times, probably more than I know and countless times if it is just emotional cheating.

How do you guys do this>?

Kyon,

I feel your pain. I took my girlfriend back after knowing she had cheated on me and the way she treated me. They say love blinds you. so true ! I did also looked at her phone out of Curiosity, the wondering was killing me. Like you said, that in itself its a huge Red flag. In a normal relationship one should not have to do this. You obviously don't trust her. It's very tough to trust someone like her. I was in the same situation 2 months ago. Once I found out that she had cheated on me, as much as I tried I could not trust her again. I tried but subconsciously I could not. Every time she went out with her friends I wonder if she was telling me the truth. It was consuming me internally. I finally gave up and broke up with her. Very tough, its not easy.

[juniorswailing]

I remember her daughter one day saying to her what was it about her that caused all her exs to keep trying to get back.

Probably because of all the "I miss you" texts she sent to each one of her exes behind the back of her current SO.

Those exes never let go because she goes out of her way to prevent them from doing so.

Stay strong, brother. You've got this.

Yeah, I think you are likely correct.