i can't empathise anymore

[emergent]

Although I have my moments, when she's not around, most of the time I do not feel sorry for exBPDw and all her pain. I often feel bad that I don't feel sorry enough. It seems that I can't empathise with her anymore. This may surprise you, but she was at the Stade de France in Paris last Friday during the bombing. She had to run for her life and went through a terribly traumatic event. She is lucky to be alive. I had phone calls and lots of text exchanges with her while she was still in Paris, where I truly felt her pain and panic and was wholeheartedly compassionate. It was the distance that made it possible, I think. Because when she got back, I could listen to her story and offer condolence, but I could not bring myself to hug her or comfort her. She has caused me so much pain over 15 years of obligation and guilt, of verbal abuse, of manipulation and accusation, it's like I've got nothing left to give her... .:'( I hope with all my heart that I can find this function of compassion in myself for someone else some day. I know it's still there for my children, at least.

[enlighten me]

I can sympathise. While I do not wish either of my exs ill I do not feel compassion as I know they bring so much on themselves.

My sons don't want anything to do with their mum because of her behaviour. They haven't spoke to her for over five months now and on Sunday they said that it might be time to see her again. I asked what they wanted to do on Monday and they said they would like to see their half sister but weren't ready to see their mum just yet. I messaged her and said the boys wanted to see their sister. She said they could but only if she was there and made up some rubbish about as they hadn't seen her for so long she would get upset. I passed this on and the boys said no. I passed this on to her and told her that she had missed an opportunity to build bridges with them. She said that they had made their choice. I have lost all sympathy for her. She does what she wants and complains that she doesn't get what she wants. She is not willing to put in the effort and it has worn thin now.

[Michelle27]

Enlighten me, my 11 year old daughter hasn't had any contact with her Dad in months and she doesn't seem at all bothered by it.  The final break up was over 5 months ago and in that time she had 2 visits with her Dad totalling 5.5 hours.  A 3rd visit was lined up in August and our daughter came to me a few days before the visit telling me casually that she had canceled her visit with her Dad.  I was aghast.  She gave him the excuse that she was "too busy" when in fact, she was on summer holidays and had no plans.  I had spent the whole summer reassuring her that my issues with her Dad didn't mean she shouldn't see him as much as she wanted and it was then that she told me that she actually didn't want to see him... .was actually kind of scared of him. 

Around that time, he also changed his phone number and didn't tell her or I what it was, so there's not been contact between them since August 20th.  Yet he's lying to others and telling them she DOES have his number and likely that I'm keeping him from his daughter.  It's frustrating.  And yet, she seems at peace with it and hasn't had any breakdowns in months about missing her Dad. 

[enlighten me]

Im just gobsmacked that a mum can write off her children. I bet she is getting heaps of sympathy as her cruel ex has turned them against her. Funny thing is I had a threatening solicitors letter accusing me of preventing the boys from having a relationship with their sister. Now she is the one preventing it.

I sympathise with my exs for having such an awful disorder but have lost sympathy for their actions. Theres only so long that you can bang your head against a brick wall before it gives you a headache.