Today would have been our anniversary

[Depression = 72% of members]

 guys,

Today would have been my now ex and I's anniversary. This time last year we were enjoying cocktails by a pool in Thailand. This year we're not even talking and he's engaged to someone else. Life is a funny old thing, eh?

I expected today to be difficult but in all honesty it feels like any other day at the moment. We've now been broken up for almost six months. When I realised that the other day it was a bit of a wake up call. That's half a year of my life gone in the blink of an eye. But it's okay; I needed this time out in order to do a big part of my healing and reflect on what had happened. It's not easy - one minute you're waiting to get engaged to someone, buy a house with them and start a business with them. The next they're not sure how they feel about you, and then they're engaged to someone else in less than two months after you breakup.

I do still think about him, and I have moments when I remember the good times - they're like a stab to the chest every single time. But I feel the pain, acknowledge it and then let it go. There's nothing else for it now. There were good times, sure, but in the end the bad outweighed the good and that's why we broke up.

Focusing on how awful he was at the end is really helping me. Because here's the key takeaway and what's really helped me through it all (although it took me a long time to get to this point). He's not mentally stable - whether he has BPD or not. I didn't deserve the discard that I got. I deserve someone who would never, ever hurt me in that kind of callous way. And now I'm free to meet that someone.

So today, if any pangs of pain do come up (which I'm sure they will), this is what I'm going to focus on. The fact that you cannot have a happy ending with someone who's not ready to acknowledge they have serious issues that they need to work through. He's in denial, and so maybe he belongs with someone who's also in denial. I'm not in denial about mine - and I deserve someone who's equally as aware about his issues and equally as responsible.

Hurt people hurt people. 'Responsible' hurt people acknowledge their hurt and work through it in order to avoid further hurt.

Hopeful

[Hopeful83]

 guys,

Today would have been my now ex and I's anniversary. This time last year we were enjoying cocktails by a pool in Thailand. This year we're not even talking and he's engaged to someone else. Life is a funny old thing, eh?

I expected today to be difficult but in all honesty it feels like any other day at the moment. We've now been broken up for almost six months. When I realised that the other day it was a bit of a wake up call. That's half a year of my life gone in the blink of an eye. But it's okay; I needed this time out in order to do a big part of my healing and reflect on what had happened. It's not easy - one minute you're waiting to get engaged to someone, buy a house with them and start a business with them. The next they're not sure how they feel about you, and then they're engaged to someone else in less than two months after you breakup.

I do still think about him, and I have moments when I remember the good times - they're like a stab to the chest every single time. But I feel the pain, acknowledge it and then let it go. There's nothing else for it now. There were good times, sure, but in the end the bad outweighed the good and that's why we broke up.

Focusing on how awful he was at the end is really helping me. Because here's the key takeaway and what's really helped me through it all (although it took me a long time to get to this point). He's not mentally stable - whether he has BPD or not. I didn't deserve the discard that I got. I deserve someone who would never, ever hurt me in that kind of callous way. And now I'm free to meet that someone.

So today, if any pangs of pain do come up (which I'm sure they will), this is what I'm going to focus on. The fact that you cannot have a happy ending with someone who's not ready to acknowledge they have serious issues that they need to work through. He's in denial, and so maybe he belongs with someone who's also in denial. I'm not in denial about mine - and I deserve someone who's equally as aware about his issues and equally as responsible.

Hurt people hurt people. 'Responsible' hurt people acknowledge their hurt and work through it in order to avoid further hurt.

Hopeful

[Lifewriter16]

Hi there Hopeful,

These milestone days are always significant, but it sounds like you are doing really well. You might consider reviewing your first posts and celebrating just how far you have come in what is actually quite a short period of time.

So today, if any pangs of pain do come up (which I'm sure they will), this is what I'm going to focus on. The fact that you cannot have a happy ending with someone who's not ready to acknowledge they have serious issues that they need to work through. He's in denial, and so maybe he belongs with someone who's also in denial. I'm not in denial about mine - and I deserve someone who's equally as aware about his issues and equally as responsible.

Hurt people hurt people. 'Responsible' hurt people acknowledge their hurt and work through it in order to avoid further hurt.

I don't actually have much to say except well done and my thoughts will be with you today... .

Love Lifewriter

[Hopeful83]

Hi there Hopeful,

These milestone days are always significant, but it sounds like you are doing really well. You might consider reviewing your first posts and celebrating just how far you have come in what is actually quite a short period of time.

So today, if any pangs of pain do come up (which I'm sure they will), this is what I'm going to focus on. The fact that you cannot have a happy ending with someone who's not ready to acknowledge they have serious issues that they need to work through. He's in denial, and so maybe he belongs with someone who's also in denial. I'm not in denial about mine - and I deserve someone who's equally as aware about his issues and equally as responsible.

Hurt people hurt people. 'Responsible' hurt people acknowledge their hurt and work through it in order to avoid further hurt.

I don't actually have much to say except well done and my thoughts will be with you today... .

Love Lifewriter

Hey Lifewriter,

Thank you 

I've had a few 'pangs' throughout the day, but I'm trying to keep my focus on the future. I'm going on a trip early next month, so I'm currently ordering some clothes online, for example. Keeping myself busy.

I'm kind of glad this one milestone will be over with soon. Once it's done with, it won't have as much weight next year around. The only other things I'm now dreading are Christmas (he's not Christian, but he always spent the holidays with my family and we had a beautiful time) his birthday and then mine. But again, once those are over with, too, then they won't be as difficult second time round.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank every single person who's ever replied to any of my threads on here as well as those who are reading. This board has been an instrumental tool in my recovery and without it I'm sure I would still be walking around with a massive question mark hovering over my head

[once removed]

hey hopeful83 

i understand anniversaries feeling kind of anti climactic. sometimes its a sign of how far weve come, and its good to take stock of that progress. i think each time we do it, we wind up with a more balanced view of our relationship on paper, and like you mentioned, we realize how much time has gone by, and that we survived.

would you say you are feeling better recently compared to when you felt you were going backwards?

[Hopeful83]

hey hopeful83 

i understand anniversaries feeling kind of anti climactic. sometimes its a sign of how far weve come, and its good to take stock of that progress. i think each time we do it, we wind up with a more balanced view of our relationship on paper, and like you mentioned, we realize how much time has gone by, and that we survived.

would you say you are feeling better recently compared to when you felt you were going backwards?

Hey once removed 

Yes, I'm definitely feeling much better. And this better is more of a subdued feeling than before. The last time I felt 'better' it was a euphoric feeling of "yay, I'm feeling better today I CAN RULE THE WORLD." I'm looking for a job and I'm starting to try and make things happen, but I know this process will take time. I just need to be careful not to fall into the trap of getting frustrated or feeling despondent.

But yes, I'm doing miles better than I was before and have definitely made heaps of progress. This is thanks to my amazing friends and family, and this board. I really am so thankful to be blessed enough to be surrounded by people who genuinely care about me.

This has been an awful, awful, awful year. But I'm happy to say that it's looking like I'll be able to start 2016 feeling stronger and more optimistic. Here's to hoping!

Hopeful