Long story...Trying to move on from BPD Ex

[TheSarcasticOne]

This may be a long rant, so feel free to skip this one. I met my BPD ex back in high school, from the very beginning she was obsessed with me. I consider myself demisexual so I did not notice her until about a year later. I struggle with Anxiety disorder, and trust issues due to my upbringing with my dad. She ended up confessing she still had feelings for me a year later, and I decided to give it a shot and we started dating. I always knew she had... ."quirks". Very needy, seemed to idealize me, but nothing that was too big a problem. We ended up becoming very close, she was my first relationship and we ended up falling in love (or so I thought) and we even began talking about marriage and children in our future. She told me (like many others on this forum) that I was "the one", she "loved me more than anything" but it began to change after a year and a few months.

She began to be more distant, she had become incredibly reclusive when we began dating. We had just graduated and she was inside her house almost 24/7. A few months ago she got a job at a grocery store, one of her exes helped her get it (that was a red flag) and she met this guy there. She apparently began to have feelings for him, and I had no idea. She began to be a bit more distant the last month of our relationship though. Saying she wanted to hang out... .yet cancelling plans. Then, one day she asked me to come over. She told me she needed a "break". I asked her immediately if she wanted to break up and she said no. She just was stressed cause of her job and her family drama. I reluctantly agreed. Then next day she tells me she is raped! And that's why she broke up. She couldn't handle a relationship. I was shocked, and angry. She told me it was her co-worker (the one she had feelings for). She didn't want me to tell anyone about it, and to sweep it under the rug. (very suspicious but I had never caught her in a lie so I gave her the benefit of the doubt). Well I ended up talking to her sister, (her whole family really liked me and thought I was good for her) and she mentioned she wasn't happy with her behavior. I asked why, apparently she is sleeping with him! She lied to me about being raped, and begins to have sex with this guy right after we break up. Apparently even bragging to her family about how long they would go at it. (we had times of up to 5-6 hours so wow) I was incredibly hurt. Yet happy I found out the truth.

Apparently her sister asked her about the rape incident, and then my BPD ex attacked me. Saying her sister was a liar and a b___, and that she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. A few other insults were hurled my way. I never attacked her during the process. The next day she apologized in a text for everything and saying she will regret it for the rest of her life. About 5 days later I went to hang out with her brother (again, I get along with her family) she ended up coming up to the trailer (which is right outside the house she lives in with her mom) to see me (she admitted that later). We were both drinking, and she asked for a drink and then she had a breakdown. Apologizing for everything, regretting leaving me, crying, she even tried to have sex with me (which I declined of course). She called her older sister and her dad we ended up having a conversation at 2-3 AM about how things needed to change. She agreed to it.

The next day, after she sobers up I noticed her acting somber, and then noticed her glancing at texts the guy sent her when she tried to block him that night. I knew she still had feelings for him. The next day, I told her to just be with him, and I was going to move on. I was incredibly hurt, felt suicidal but I couldn't deal with it. Then 3 days later, she AGAIN apologizes and says he "manipulated her", she didn't actually care for him, she loved me and she would see a counselor and wanted me. I said ONLY if you get help will I agree to try again. She promised to block his phone number and block his fb. 3 days later though, I noticed she had 1 more friend. Becoming suspicious, I checked the guys fb to find out I was blocked. I went on my friends fb, to check my BPD exes profile, and big surprise! They are friends again. I confronted her on it, and told her goodbye. She begged and said it was a glitch (give me a break) and a few other excuses. Later that day, I get a text where she says she can't change, she's sorry for everything but she can't do it anymore. So this is two times she tries getting back with me after dumping me, only to change her mind. Incredibly exhausting. (I lost 7 pounds during the 2 weeks of all of this).

I'll stop here, cause it's already long enough. But there were even two "suicide attempts", a hospital visit, and other drama that I'll leave out. Point is, I know I need to move on now, she isn't good for me. And I've started no contact in hopes of moving on. If anyone reads all of this, thanks for taking your time to do that. I'm messed up, but ready to move on. She will not dictate my happiness any longer.

[shatra]

She promised to block his phone number and block his fb. 3 days later though, I noticed she had 1 more friend. Becoming suspicious, I checked the guys fb to find out I was blocked. I went on my friends fb, to check my BPD exes profile, and big surprise! They are friends again. I confronted her on it, and told her goodbye.

====Can you explain?  She had 1 more friend, do u mean the count was 1 person higher? But you couldn't look at his facebook page, since he blocked you?  Or you just couldn't see the page of the newest friend?

-----All this back and forth is typical of the disorder. How do u feel today?

[TheSarcasticOne]

Yeah her FB count was one higher. And yes, I couldn't see it was him because he had me blocked.

I'm doing better, I know it's good that this happened now and not further down the road or it would be a lot worse. I've blocked her on social media and trying to focus on my hobbies but it is honestly rough. It's a back and forth from feeling pretty good to being bummed and going over constant what ifs.

[Skip]

What do you think she really wants?

[TheSarcasticOne]

I honestly don't think she even knows what she wants. Right now I've been in no contact for the last week. (without even telling her) so she obviously is fine with the new guy. I think she kept going back and forth cause she did care about me to some extent, but not enough to stop her from being with the new guy. She's probably beginning to idealize this guy like she did with me, I'm not sure though. Maybe he's just there to make me jealous and try to get her back? I really don't know what she wants. Every time I give up and tell her to just be with him she always tries to get back with me which is so frustrating. Now its been about a week with no contact, and yet she was going to invite me to thanksgiving but her mom didn't want me there. So she still wants me in the picture... .

[livednlearned]

You have a lot of ties to the family, and it seems like there will be more interactions as the two of you work through the relationship. Does that seem likely?

What happens when the two of you touch base again?

[TheSarcasticOne]

She ended up asking to hang out after thanksgiving, and she is back to saying she still has feelings for me, but is saying she knows she's not good enough for me. I really don't know what she's trying to do anymore. I'm considering going back to no contact, and see if she just goes back to the other guy so I can move on. Apparently her sister was wanting to hook me up with one of her friends and my ex was really annoyed at that, so she definitely is not completely over me. It's just exhausting, how they can do this push/pull behavior. So to answer your question, yes we most likely will have to interact with each other. Next time most likely being Christmas.