Feeling Hurt

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I haven't posted in a while cause I was just existing till the end of the school year so I didn't uproot my D10.  My plan was to end the relationship and get my name off the house and move out.

But, it has been confirmed that what I suspected my uBPDbf has been seeing another woman behind my back. I know that this will hopefully make the end easier in that his "threats to destroy me" will no longer continue now that he has found another.

I'm very irritated because I heard he's been blaming me to his mother for not giving him attention etc. and she defends him going out and finding another woman (even though it's the same stuff he said about his ex-wife.)

And even though I was preparing to end the relationship, it hurts. It's hard to wrap my head around why it hurts. I know he lies, manipulates, etc. And I hate that his actions are affecting me.

[FigureIt]

I haven't posted in a while cause I was just existing till the end of the school year so I didn't uproot my D10.  My plan was to end the relationship and get my name off the house and move out.

But, it has been confirmed that what I suspected my uBPDbf has been seeing another woman behind my back. I know that this will hopefully make the end easier in that his "threats to destroy me" will no longer continue now that he has found another.

I'm very irritated because I heard he's been blaming me to his mother for not giving him attention etc. and she defends him going out and finding another woman (even though it's the same stuff he said about his ex-wife.)

And even though I was preparing to end the relationship, it hurts. It's hard to wrap my head around why it hurts. I know he lies, manipulates, etc. And I hate that his actions are affecting me.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi FigureIt,

Nice to meet you. I'm glad you're back.

And even though I was preparing to end the relationship, it hurts. It's hard to wrap my head around why it hurts. I know he lies, manipulates, etc. And I hate that his actions are affecting me.

Personally, I think it's perfectly understandable that you are hurt. You've invested in your relationship. You had hopes for the future and you've been betrayed. However, I can really appreciated why you might resent the fact his behaviour is upsetting you. It makes is more difficult to do what you need to do.

Would you like to share more about what's been going on for you?

Love Lifewriter

[FigureIt]

We've been together for 5 years and lived together in a house we both own for 4yrs.  Within the 2 month of living together the "honey-moon" phase was done. About 9 months after living together it got to a point that I was tired of the guilt, blam, threats etc. and I was done and ready to end it.  He promised change, counseling etc. that lasted about 5 months and then it was a cycle of similar for a bit till last August 2014 when that was it. Again he promised change and since my daughter (not his) was still in elementary school and a new school year was about to start I stayed and tried to work, but he still blamed me, would get drunk and nasty, etc. 

I was planning to move on around this upcoming May/June. But needed to go through the courts to get my down payment back & my name off the house. This was all behind the scenes.  I never told him we were done, I was not out looking, cheating etc.

I was told by a friend about 3 weeks ago that they had seen him with another woman, I asked him about it and he played it off like no big deal, wasn't anything. Although he got drunk last weekend and admitted he had kissed her and she was texting her while I was driving home.  This past Saturday I was told by his own son (17) that his manager told his sister (his sister & him are restaurant servers) about their dad being with this other woman multiple times. (the manger knows me too.)

So even though I suspected, was planning on leaving it still stings! Plus I so want to confront him, but unless I catch him with her he will deny, lie, etc.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi there FigureIt,

How are you feeling today?

It sounds like you have a leaving plan and are in the process of implementing it. It also sounds like confronting him is very important to you. How does confronting him fit into your plan?


Lifewriter x

[FigureIt]

I made myself some comfort food last night (spaghetti) and had a bottle a wine.  Just wanted to not have my mind running.  Well he saw that as an opportunity to try and back me into a corner. Record me, etc.  So, when I went to bed at 10pm up he came to start.

I am very proud of myself... .  I didn't bite.  I stayed very calm even while he raged.  I told him I had sources and knew he was doing stuff.  Wow, was he upset.  He lied, tried to get me to tell him who.  Showed me photos he had taken of my D10's room messy, etc. 

He admitted this is his cycle.  Tried telling me I wouldn't compromise on Thanksgiving (told him a month ago was going to my parents, restated it a week ago I was going at 4:00 and would make food for his mother etc. and take at noon, restated again on Saturday.)  He didn't want that so I'm not compromising and I'm selfish.  He threatened me about taking the house, taking my dogs, "destroying me."  Through it all I remained calm.  After all these threats he then gets in bed and wraps his arms around me.  I just kept my back to him and said I'm going to sleep.  He didn't like that, then rolled away and went to sleep.

This morning while I'm getting ready for work he wanted to fire it up again and said "so we're done, right that's what you want... ."  I just responded with "I'm not having a conversation now."  Tried to keep pushing and I said I already answered.  So he left and stated "I'm going to my attorney and I will strike swift and hard."

They are soo draining and exhausting!

[Lifewriter16]

Congratulations, FigureIt.

You've every reason to feel proud of yourself. You kept calm, you stuck to your boundaries, you didn't get distracted by his red herrings and you said your piece.

I think that was very well done.

Lifewriter x