Why am I not angry?

[Rameses]

I have been emotional manipulated and traumatized by witnessing some horrific actions on her part. Everything from repeated fake suicide attempts, putting me on notice that I can be recorded 24/7, hacking in everyone of my email accounts, stealing my iPad any throwing it out in the rain and lying to me and the police that she ever touched it only to admit with a smile on her face that she did do it "and has no remorse whatsoever", stealing my journals that I have been keeping for years, complete with very very intimate thoughts and comments about people in my life. She made copies of these entries and sent them to all of my brothers, my son, my Mom and my ex wife. It was extremely humiliating that they had become privy to such intimate information that pertained to them individually, and on and on it goes.

But my real question is this, having had all of this and more done to me, why do I not have one ounce of anger?

[C.Stein]

But my real question is this, having had all of this and more done to me, why do I not have one ounce of anger?

You know, that is a really good question.  Perhaps you are still in denial, refusing to see her for who she really is?

[Turkish]

Re-read your post. What would you say you do feel? I see humiliation (because you said it), but what else?

[Kelli Cornett]

Do you still have feelings for her?

[Rameses]

Do you still have feelings for her?

Yes, I still have feelings for her, but it could never work.

I need to move on for my own sanity.

I'm only attracted to her physically, nothing else about her as a person is attractive to me.

But for some reason I am having a hard time tapping into the injustice of what was perpetuated on me. I keep thinking about the good times, which keeps me hooked into the fantasy of who she really is.

I feel like until I am able to tap into the anger of how she has taken advantage of my tolerance and inability to set boundaries, I will not be able to move forward.

[Turkish]

Do you feel like it's not ok for you to feel angry?

My T was glad that after a few months, my ex still living with me and the kds wilevleading a double life, that I finally showed anger. I think I was too analytical up to that point, trying to fix what couldn't be fixed.

[La Carotte]

Rameses, your post and question completely resonate with me.

My ex also destroyed my iPad, phone, hacked my email, stole my journal and made copies of it. (Although not passed on to others, how awful for you, and them. I'm sorry you had to go through that.)

At the time of each incident I was furious, but pretty much straight away, lost all anger, almost like it was ok and what they did and justifiable-

the iPad was thrown because I'd been out with a friend for a drink and ex was worried I'd met someone else (turned up at my house and didn't find me in bed with anyone but was furious all the same because they'd thought they would)

Phone was destroyed because an old ex phoned me out of the blue so of course I deserved it

My email was hacked because ex was looking for evidence of infidelity, didn't find any but as "it's what you do" it's justified. It isn't what I do, never, but it is what ex's two previous exes did so I have to pay the price

And my journal was stolen again in a search for evidence of infidelity and when actually all they found was pages of me breaking my heart over things they'd done and said, that was ignored and the one disparaging comment I'd made of a personal nature was the one thing fixated on, and used as evidence that ex was indeed correct to steal my journal.

Sorry, I digressed there, guess I needed to vent.

Anyway, back to the point of the thread- I also have had a complete capacity to lose anger almost immediately. I've never even questioned it really before, just assumed it was because I loved ex and that's what you do if you're a loving person trying to see the best in someone.

Don't know. I need to ponder this, thank you for the thread.

FIT

[homefree]

My T asked me this very question.

I didn't have an answer. I think it's because anger is an aspect of letting go, and I'm not there yet. It may come in time. I also may feel that I don't deserve anything better or that her just being in a relationship with me is more than I ever thought was possible, so I should be grateful, even if it hurt.

I think being angry is a rational and healthy response to being mistreated the way we were. I'm not in a rational and healthy place yet, but hopefully that will come.

[JaneStorm]

For me, I think of it as the opposite. I can't WAIT to stop feeling angry. As long as there is anger in my heart, that means I care about the outcome. When a calm comes over me, I will be truly done. Getting closer by the day. They make it so easy after a point, don't they?