Confronted him? Is that why he painted me black?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I know there are many reasons... .however, I haven't seen my pwBPDexbf since about a month ago, he lives about an hour away.  I havent had contact with him in 3 weeks. Did he paint me black because I saw him without the mask? I knew he cheated on me. I knew he had online dating profiles ( one of the most recent I created an alias and he wanted me right then and there. Knew nothing about me). I confronted him with online dating incidient and he chose to not contact me since that point. However, the more I read the more I learn that they usually have someone (if not many others) in their pocket before they just leave you. He had been acting very distant and angrier than usual in the past month prior to our NC. I felt he was very different last time we were together. I guess I am just so confused how they can keep track and have the time to give all of "us" attention and no one picks up on it? However, he has had the same online dating profile (he has deleted so many when he has found the "one" apparently the entire 2 years we were dating) as he has had from 3 weeks ago. If he had someone else I feel he would have deleted that one. Unless of course he has someone else who would have no idea he is still online. Ugh! sorry I just want the answers I'm sure I will never get.  He did tell me about a month ago that he was mentally ill, that he was sorry and that he cared enough to walk away. But he never left at that point. He was a few weeks later the above took place.

[butterfly15]

I know there are many reasons... .however, I haven't seen my pwBPDexbf since about a month ago, he lives about an hour away.  I havent had contact with him in 3 weeks. Did he paint me black because I saw him without the mask? I knew he cheated on me. I knew he had online dating profiles ( one of the most recent I created an alias and he wanted me right then and there. Knew nothing about me). I confronted him with online dating incidient and he chose to not contact me since that point. However, the more I read the more I learn that they usually have someone (if not many others) in their pocket before they just leave you. He had been acting very distant and angrier than usual in the past month prior to our NC. I felt he was very different last time we were together. I guess I am just so confused how they can keep track and have the time to give all of "us" attention and no one picks up on it? However, he has had the same online dating profile (he has deleted so many when he has found the "one" apparently the entire 2 years we were dating) as he has had from 3 weeks ago. If he had someone else I feel he would have deleted that one. Unless of course he has someone else who would have no idea he is still online. Ugh! sorry I just want the answers I'm sure I will never get.  He did tell me about a month ago that he was mentally ill, that he was sorry and that he cared enough to walk away. But he never left at that point. He was a few weeks later the above took place.

[Mutt]

Hi butterfly15,

He had been acting very distant and angrier than usual in the past month prior to our NC.

I want to get a little more info before I answer. He was pushing you away and acting out. What was going on? Were you two talking about breaking-up?

[butterfly15]

Hi butterfly15,

He had been acting very distant and angrier than usual in the past month prior to our NC.

I want to get a little more info before I answer. He was pushing you away and acting out. What was going on? Were you two talking about breaking-up?

he just seemed that he was pulling away. Intermittent periods of ST, angrier responses. Recently before NC began actually the last day we spoke he told me he had accepted life without me. Off and on he would tell me at times that we not in a relationship then introduce me as his gf, spend almost every night with me. We were in a r/s in my eyes. I couldn't see other people. He moved about an hour away in July. He had been living with me since the previous Oct when he sustained an injury. He recently told me I was a very good friend to him during that time. Um? Then I also found out he was seeing someone else before his injury and after for a total of probably 3 months while he lived with me. He moved for work. We never spoke of breaking up. More of me not submitting and he didn't need to deal with that behavior.  I found a few online dating profiles he apologized and admitted to his faults and told me he only wants me and he's sorry. He slept w others to fill his ego. He doesn't love them only me. I found this out in August. He gave me ST for no reason for 10 days and then told me all of the above about how he only loved me and wanted to be with me and wanted to begin seeking treatment. We used to spend every Sunday together and since the beginning of August it became every other and he was MIA didn't answer any messages or calls on the opposite Sunday's telling me he didn't have to answer to me. I found this odd. He has no close friends. He keeps people at arms length and he doesn't speak to any of his family. So he's basically alone. He has kids he never sees as they live out of state.

[Climbmountains91]

When we were taking it slow and after Christmas I looked on his phone and seen he had an STD with this girl he thought he had feelings for, then found out I did,  and I confronted him about it, remember a few seconds ago we were fine, and that's when he started pulling away until he was cold distant and nine months later pretty much still is. Putting the blame on me that ''he tried for three years, its been hard bla bla bla... .Guilt? I would say so.   

[Mutt]

butterfly15,

I asked because I wanted to know if you had possibly triggered his fear if abandonment

A pwBPD have insecure attachment patterns from early childhood that carries into adulthood with relationships and that closeness with emotional intimacy triggers your ex and then he deals engulfed and pushes you away. The push / pull behavior feels like crazy making behavior to us. The avoiding and distancing is fear of engulfment and sometimes it will trigger disproportionate anger with a pwBPD because they don't have a developed sense of self, they feel like they are going to be consumed and annihilated.

A pwBPD feel chronic and intense shame, self loath, feel evil,  are very hard on themselves. If he was cheating that would trigger a lot of shame and he may be self loathing. I don't think that you're split black but from what you shared in your post, I can see why he's avoiding and distancing himself due to initially feeling engulfed and feeling shame.  Are you worried that you're not going to hear from him?

[butterfly15]

butterfly15,

I asked because I wanted to know if you had possibly triggered his fear if abandonment

A pwBPD have insecure attachment patterns from early childhood that carries into adulthood with relationships and that closeness with emotional intimacy triggers your ex and then he deals engulfed and pushes you away. The push / pull behavior feels like crazy making behavior to us. The avoiding and distancing is fear of engulfment and sometimes it will trigger disproportionate anger with a pwBPD because they don't have a developed sense of self, they feel like they are going to be consumed and annihilated.

A pwBPD feel chronic and intense shame, self loath, feel evil,  are very hard on themselves. If he was cheating that would trigger a lot of shame and he may be self loathing. I don't think that you're split black but from what you shared in your post, I can see why he's avoiding and distancing himself due to initially feeling engulfed and feeling shame.  Are you worried that you're not going to hear from him?

that does possibly make sense if there is any sense to be made of the behaviors. I think I may be. We are both very stubborn and given his illness he is used to walking away from people. I know from an outsiders view point I am much better without him in my life. They don't understand. I miss him. I think?

[Mutt]

It sounds like you're not sure how you feel about him. Why is that you think?

[butterfly15]

It sounds like you're not sure how you feel about him. Why is that you think?

because I love him. Hate him for what he did to me. I am still in shock. I don't think I would respond if he contacted me at this moment though.