Discarded overnight

[butterfly15]

So my ex discarded me overnight about 3 weeks ago. Neither of us have attempted to contact one another. I cant help but think through reading all of these posts that he had to have someone else like me in order to discard me. He recently moved out of town so I'm sure he told me he was working when he wasn't. He started to be very negative and distant a month before this sudden discard took place. However, he has had the same online dating profile for over a month and is constantly online for hours at night. Does this mean that my possible replacement didnt work or just that they are unaware that he has the online account? Much like I had no idea he had probably been on there for the entire time we were together. I mean he just kept meeting others and deleting his profile then making a new one. That's what I am finally realizing. I can't get him off of my mind. ugh! It would be so much easier if he had just been like listen I found someone else. I dont want you anymore

[cloudten]

It is hard to understand what his motivation is.  I know it hurts.  :'(  We are right there with you.

Would it have been easier if he just said he didn't want you anymore? Probably not... .it would have been just as hard but at least he would have been honest.

I can not speak for his actions, but I can tell you my own experience... .

when my guy was "talking" to other girls, he always became very negative towards me and would lie. Mine never gave up looking for other girls. He was always keeping one on the hook.

I know you are thinking through a lot of this... .it is normal.

You need to start asking yourself, however, why you stuck with him? Why you put up with this behavior?  Maybe you were unaware.

The way to get him off your mind is to simply keep working through it. Stay NC. Focus on yourself and only yourself. What are you doing to take care of yourself?

I kind of know how you are feeling though. I keep recollecting times where something was fishy, something didn't sit right. I didn't listen to my instinct. Why didn't I trust my instinct? Why did I let myself be fooled? Why did I put up with that kind of behavior?  The answer is- something is broken within me- something that if I don't fix, it will repeat itself in future relationships.

Keep working through it!

[butterfly15]

It is hard to understand what his motivation is.  I know it hurts.  :'(  We are right there with you.

Would it have been easier if he just said he didn't want you anymore? Probably not... .it would have been just as hard but at least he would have been honest.

I can not speak for his actions, but I can tell you my own experience... .

when my guy was "talking" to other girls, he always became very negative towards me and would lie. Mine never gave up looking for other girls. He was always keeping one on the hook.

I know you are thinking through a lot of this... .it is normal.

You need to start asking yourself, however, why you stuck with him? Why you put up with this behavior?  Maybe you were unaware.

The way to get him off your mind is to simply keep working through it. Stay NC. Focus on yourself and only yourself. What are you doing to take care of yourself?

I kind of know how you are feeling though. I keep recollecting times where something was fishy, something didn't sit right. I didn't listen to my instinct. Why didn't I trust my instinct? Why did I let myself be fooled? Why did I put up with that kind of behavior?  The answer is- something is broken within me- something that if I don't fix, it will repeat itself in future relationships.

Keep working through it!

Thank you! Yes. I must have something in me to work on. I just need to find it and figure it out. Maybe my T will help. I see her in few days. He made me feel special and the intimacy was incredible... .well in the beginning... .I guess I hoped that it would cycle back. Now I know that will never happen. I will continue to work on me. Each day is different. I want to say easier... .but you are familiar

[Itstopsnow]

My ex did the same thing to me this summer. He started a new relationship behind my back . In hindsight I do see how much nastier he was to me during the summer. It was definitely a strained time. They are sick and it will never fully make sense to us. I do find myself obsessing on it, but it only makes me more mad, sad, hurt and confused. I think we just have to try and accept it for what it is. If he was a true BPD then it was never really a healthy relationship . We stayed longer than most would. And that's ok bc we are extra caring giving people. We now know what BPD is all about and hopefully these experiences will help us be stronger. Don't try and understand him, it's a waste of time. He doesn't understand himself. And you have a chance now to move on to a healthier happy life. These people without intense therapy and willingness to admit they are wrong, won't have anything but more of the same in their hypocritical lives. Believe me! There is no happy ending for them!