I am going crazy...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm kind of freaking out.  You see, being on this board has helped me put the puzzle of my relationship together.  In the past, I didn't even know where to put the first piece.

So, this is the pattern I live in:

She paints her SO black.  To the point where he is seen as a monster.  She is encouraged to see someone and she does.  At one point, that was me.  She then drops the guy after a few months.  I was dropped at two months.  Some of her friends dropped her for this. She doesn't like this and gets my attention.  We stay friends, I distance myself.  This was in high school.  

We end up going to the same college out of town.  Same scenario.  By the time I get there, I have been painted black  (accused of stalking and raping).  I blow her off.  She manages to get my attention.

During the next 18 years, same process.  With the start of new jobs and meeting new friends, she paints me black to the point where she in encouraged and justified to cheat.  It's momentary, drops him, loses all her friends and has to switch jobs twice.  This happened two times that I am aware of.

Current situation.  Same process on a higher scale to the point we are losing the house.  We have four kids.  Friends/colleagues see me as some monster.  I also, recently found out she told people that she hated our home and that I forced her into buying into the purchase.  

This time around, I am not chasing her.  I am done.  I've gone no contact.  I think she will move on.  But is this wishful thinking on my part.  I feel like by me having to sell the house/foreclosing she is getting what she wants.  Is this the end or is this just her BPD pattern and only prolonging the same outcome by adding the distance.

It is driving me crazy.

[Joem678]

I'm kind of freaking out.  You see, being on this board has helped me put the puzzle of my relationship together.  In the past, I didn't even know where to put the first piece.

So, this is the pattern I live in:

She paints her SO black.  To the point where he is seen as a monster.  She is encouraged to see someone and she does.  At one point, that was me.  She then drops the guy after a few months.  I was dropped at two months.  Some of her friends dropped her for this. She doesn't like this and gets my attention.  We stay friends, I distance myself.  This was in high school.  

We end up going to the same college out of town.  Same scenario.  By the time I get there, I have been painted black  (accused of stalking and raping).  I blow her off.  She manages to get my attention.

During the next 18 years, same process.  With the start of new jobs and meeting new friends, she paints me black to the point where she in encouraged and justified to cheat.  It's momentary, drops him, loses all her friends and has to switch jobs twice.  This happened two times that I am aware of.

Current situation.  Same process on a higher scale to the point we are losing the house.  We have four kids.  Friends/colleagues see me as some monster.  I also, recently found out she told people that she hated our home and that I forced her into buying into the purchase.  

This time around, I am not chasing her.  I am done.  I've gone no contact.  I think she will move on.  But is this wishful thinking on my part.  I feel like by me having to sell the house/foreclosing she is getting what she wants.  Is this the end or is this just her BPD pattern and only prolonging the same outcome by adding the distance.

It is driving me crazy.

[Forestaken]

Questions:

How long is your r/s been going on?

Are you married?

Do you have kids?

Do you have joint property?

Let's start from there.

[Joem678]

Hi Forestaken.  We've been married for 19 years.  We have four kids together (17,16,7,6).  We do have a house together.

[Joem678]

Ok I'm getting even more freaked out. It seems she is painting our two teenage boys black too!