Self Soothing

[Woolspinner2000]

Happy New Year Everyone!   

I've been thinking about this thread quite a bit, and there have been so many great tips and suggestions of ways to self-soothe. Thank you for all the wonderful input and thought. 

It's also valuable to see how our tendency to soothe others has affected us, growing up as we did in unhealthy environments. In addition, those in our lives who have used us (or continue to use us) to soothe themselves have often left us unable to soothe ourselves. These are points to take note of, in order that we may best help ourselves on our healing journeys. We need to put our own self-soothing first.

Since there are so many great ideas, I thought perhaps it might be helpful to list a version of them altogether in one post. Sometimes I like a list to print off so that I have my 'tools' right in front of me to refer to when I am lost and need help. Here is a general summary of sorts that I tried to put together from all of the posts. If I left some off, please add them! It is never a complete list by the way, but can be added to for a long time. While each idea is important and valid, I highlighted a few that are especially important to remember while you are doing all the rest. It's a pretty impressive list if you ask me!

Wools


Ways to Self-Soothe

-Walking, hiking, getting away from a stressful environment

-Wrapping up in a blanket, like hugging ourselves when we need a hug

-Express ourselves creatively: through music, art, dancing, singing, writing

-A trip to a calming place that we like to visit

-Hear the need within us to self-soothe, and then allow it!

-Going to a movie

-Volunteering

-Validating ourselves and our inner child

-Radical acceptance, reframing our thoughts

-Ignoring the inner chatter/critic in our head

-Mindfulness

-Exercise

-Have fun and socialize!

-Journaling

-Being kind to yourself

-Holding soft, furry animals (real or stuffed) to comfort us

-Coloring

-Allowing ourselves to feel whatever we are feeling; to cry

-Relaxation tapes/exercises

-Deep breathing

-Talk to ourselves in a soft soothing tone and treat ourselves with compassion

[PrettyPlease]

If I left some off, please add them!... .

[snip]

It's a pretty impressive list if you ask me!

It is! There are several things on it that I'd like to remind myself of more often.

Thank you for this, I may print it too.

But I'd have to add... .

CHOCOLATE!

(for me: hot cocoa with a dash each of coconut, honey, and ginger).

Or I guess more generally... .comfort foods. As long as they're used in moderation, of course.  


... .And... .humor. Has often helped me deal with anxiety, fear, double-binds, distress -- sometimes black humor. In fact usually... .some form of "this is so bad it's funny". 

[Woolspinner2000]

PrettyPlease, 

How could I have forgotten CHOCOLATE! 

Glad you reminded us of that! I feel quite soothed at the thought of going to eat some... .

Wools

[P.F.Change]

Thanks for this thread, Woolspinner. 

I really like the list that has been compiled so far. Personally, sometimes I really need some time in nature to sit and meditate. I get overwhelmed with the noise around me and it helps to just take a short walk and lie under a tree for a while or listen to a spring. When I can't do that, I might use an app on my phone to provide some nature sounds or white noise, or even guide my breathing. I'm an introvert, so being alone in a quiet space really feels good.

A lot of the things that help me fit into the categories you've created:

warm, heavy blanket

yoga

caffeine-free hot tea

and yes, CHOCOLATE, best savored slowly by the square

creating art

zen gardens (available for free in app stores, too)

a steamy bath or shower

massage

affirming my inner child

positive/realistic self-talk

visiting my imaginary "safe place"--this is a place where I feel secure and safe, and totally in control of who is invited in and what happens there

Along the lines of the last item, one thing that I've used as a coping mechanism since childhood--and is not always healthy--is fantasy. For example, I may have imagined what it would be like if a particular boy I knew liked me romantically, and how he would convey that. It would feel like I was loved, wanted, etc. That helped me feel those feelings when the message I received from my mother was the opposite. Nowadays, I try to live as much in reality as possible, though I can recognize that when I start to go down that path I need to examine a part of myself that needs to be soothed or healed. I learned it as a way to cope with an unbearable reality, and now I am an adult and I can care for myself, so I can choose other ways to face uncomfortable feelings if I want to, as opposed to trying to run away from them.