My ex BPD bf mother called me and left a VM

[Itstopsnow]

I don't know what to do, my ex BPD bf mother a month after no contact left me a voicemail. I did like his mom but after finding out he was serial cheating and she and his father covered for him who knows how many times throughout my relationship reached out to me tonight. I texts her when I first found out about his second girlfriend about. Month ago . She never responded . I'm trying to move on. I'm so hurt and still struggling . And Thursday he even cancelled my gym membership. Trying to be more vindictive . So why is she calling me now? I am curious to find out but I'm afraid she may be confrontational. Or may make me feel sorry for him. All my friends and family said don't call back, part of me is dying to. Please help?  Typical he gets his mother involved in everything in his life at 34. He is very dependent

[fromheeltoheal]

If the relationship is over and you don't have an independent friendship with his mother, then her calling you seems inappropriate to me, and I don't see how you have an obligation to call her, so I'd let it go.

That said, what's the upside of calling her?  What is that part of you that is dying to call her?  Is it a connection to him in a way, or a way to maybe get some updates on him, or a way to avoid letting go of hope that the relationship will work?  That's a biggie sometimes: the space between a sliver of hope and no hope at all is a huge leap, a hard leap to take, but necessary to detach. 

So if you were honest with yourself, what is that drive to call her?

[Herodias]

So strange you say this... .my Mother-in-law text me today to share a picture of his Sister's baby! It has been 3 months since she contacted me and the baby is 3 months old... .I think she maybe missing me when It comes to Xmas. She always raved about the way I wrap gifts and I know she will be missing the special calendar I made her every year. It was a very quick text session and when I wrote her a bit more, she said she was in the car driving and would be back in touch... .then nothing. I deleted his family and friends from Facebook and I am sure that bothers her as well, but I had to do it for my sake. I never discussed it with them, just did it.

[Itstopsnow]

I guess I was curious to see what she had to say about the situation . There is no denying he was cheating on me the whole 18 months. But after a few hours of sitting on it. I'm not calling no good can come from it, she may either say something to me confrontational about the stupid post I put up on a dating online website warning new girls about him. I did it when i found the other profile on him with his fake name he was giving girls back in 2012. I just updated it with a new account and his real name. Not my finest hour! But I can't take it down the website won't let me! So they either found it and are mad or she is calling to try and smooth things over for him. Either way. Nothing i need to hear or be a part of . I'm not going back into that burning house!

[Mutt]

What did she say on the voice message?

[Itstopsnow]

She seemed nice. No hash tones. She didn't state the reason for the call. She said she was reaching out to speak to me for a moment when I have the time to call her back. She looks forward to hearing from me. Meanwhile, she hasn't reached out this whole time, I found out she knew of his dating  his second girlfriend for a while and she met her at dinner. I think that was after we broke up though. But she helped him cover his tracks in the past. We have been broken up officially since August and I haven't heard a peep from her and now after nearly a month NC with her son she is reaching out. I'm not sure what she could possibly say .

[Mutt]

If the relationship is over and you don't have an independent friendship with his mother, then her calling you seems inappropriate to me, and I don't see how you have an obligation to call her, so I'd let it go.

I agree with fromheeltoheal. You're not obligated. She's being protective of her son if she's covering up his tracks. Blood is thicker than water.

Trust your gut. It would raise alarm bells for me if I were in no contact for a month with my ex and I didn't hear anything from their family and they called me. You liked her so it sounds like you got along well. I don't think that there's anything bad that's going to come out of it or any good either.

You're suffering from an emotional wound. It's time for self protection and taking care of yourself. I would advise to not worry about exBPD's mother and look after your needs.

[Herodias]

I agree- when I posted some things on Facebook that she didn't like, she called to tell me how good he was doing. I didn't need that. It's sad that the whole family and friendships need to be dismissed in a break up as well. You ultimately don't need to hear anything she has to say. Good bad or otherwise.

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you all, I have him on block and maybe I should put his mom on block too. I'm not in his life . So no need to talk to them, plus they likely are all blaming me for his behaviors. His second girlfriend told me that he told her the family didn't like me bc of my temper. I don't have a temper. He spit in my face and would rage at me. I'm over it and them, I wish they would just let sleeping does lie. It brought up a lot of emotions . None of the family seem to respect boundaries

[Mutt]

I have him on block and maybe I should put his mom on block too.

I think so too. I keep good people that I trust close. I set limits with people that have bad behaviors. I don't take their behaviors personally. Some people are just like that. They don't understand how their behaviors relates with others. Sometimes I self protect when I feel like I need space because I have other things going on in my life and I need to take care of myself.