Hey Confused-
Whoa. Your story is very similar to mine, including 1987 and all the Facebook stuff, interesting.
Anyway she pushed and pulled with me after my Mother had broken us up as 14 yr old teens. My Mother basically threatened her and after that my ex was never the same ex mental hospitals etc. when I tried to get back with her months later she started I love you /hate you .
Have you spoken to your mother about her recently? Mothers can be overprotective of their children, especially budding adolescents, but maybe your mother saw traits you didn't back then, and that could be helpful now. Plus, your life and the women in it are in flux right now, and your mother was the first woman you had an emotional connection with, so that conversation could be fruitful on a couple of levels.
Now she finds me on Facebook 2 years ago and this June tells me she wants me back. Now at this time I was separated from my wife. Debating if we were going to get a divorce. I told my ex this when she said she wanted me back. I told her I also still loved her . After a week she started with push / pull. She must have ended things with me 6 times. And finally in Sept dumped me for good.
All the more reason to talk to your mother, or at least think about your relationship with her growing up. I thought I 'loved' my ex too, but was it really love? In my case it felt like the intensity of an addiction, but it wasn't love, and where does that intensity come from?
enlighten is right:
Whats more important is what you want? Do you want her back as she is or are you hoping she will change and hen get back with you? Do you want your wife back or are you just wanting a fresh start away from them both. Whatever it is your wanting you have to decide. They cant recycle you if you don't want them too and you cant recycle them unless they want to.
When you say "She must have ended things with me 6 times. And finally in Sept dumped me for good." you're giving her all the power and control, which is not a healthy relationship, and the only reason she was able to end things 6 times is because you took her back 6 times. That's where all the growth is, digging into all that and your relationships with your mother and your wife, to discover why you do what you do.
You now potentially have a can of worms opened up by telling her about BPD, Facebook, and the fact she is starting to triangulate with your wife. This could be good news really, when you start to dig into all of this stuff, borderlines can be the catalyst for great change, and at the very least these events have shaken up your relationship with your wife, which is a good thing really, you can now possibly have the conversations you might not have had before and maybe save the marriage, decide what you both really want anyway, borderline tornadoes tend to blow away the fluff and leave what's real if you let them. Take care of you!
