Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 10, 2025, 03:18:08 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Beware of Junk Psychology... Just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true. Not all blogs and online "life coaches" are reliable, accurate, or healthy for you. Remember, there is no oversight, no competency testing, no registration, and no accountability for many sites - it is up to you to qualify the resource. Learn how to navigate this complicated arena...
115
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Smear campaign?  (Read 715 times)
JayApril
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 113


« on: December 06, 2015, 12:18:50 PM »

Has anyone had experience with a borderline who ran out of lies to tell the people you all know and moved themselves to a different group of people to further validate their vile behavior?

I told my Bpdx the truth about his behavior giving examples in detail, and told him that he needs professional help, along with references to Bpd related books. He later took that email and posted it on Facebook. ... which I'm sure he tried to use that as amo, but from the comments a lot of people agreed with me. He claims to be seeking help but, I don't believe it. He also tried to break our no contact by asking for my phone number again (like I changed it *eye roll*) but, I said unless it's about visiting or our LO is sick, NO. So I suppose it was just a test to try and suck me back in. But... .

My Bpdex has since become grossly  apologetic due to getting an ear full from his family, not by my doing. All of his friends and family have recognized his behavior and have since started to speak up about it. He has currently found a new group of friends out of state to campaign with and, I am sure that this will fail at some point too. What is your experience with the ending and realization of from others about the smear campaign?
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12974



« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2015, 12:16:45 PM »

hey jayapril 

heres the thing: BPD is a persecution complex. when you tell "the truth about his behavior" it is received that way. truthfully, no person would take it well, being analyzed by a former romantic partner and told that they need professional help. pwBPD also have a limited set of primitive coping mechanisms, which include but are not limited to forming drama triangles, and seeking a rescuer.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

can you how this might be playing out and where you might be on the triangle?
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Mutt
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10403



WWW
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2015, 01:46:20 PM »

Hi JayApril,

I was in a smear campaign although it was very different than moving from a group of people to another group of people to tell lies.

I triggered what my ex wife fears the most, her fear of abandonment. At the center of the disorder is a narcissistic wound, the core wound of abandonment and a source of anger and rage, I was split black. She's dependent on others to survive and started a romantic relationship with another man in our marriage.

Some experts say that BPD is a shame based disorder, she projected her feelings of shame because she can't cope with anything negative about herself and told our family and friends that I was an abusive husband and father. She burned our relationship to the ground and left with the other man. Eventually the her anger, rage and lies subsided.

I did say to my ex wife once that I thought that she has BPD and I triggered her and she became volatile. I was angry and wanted her to get help for her mental illness but she doesn't take well to advice and she meets people with resistance.

I told my Bpdx the truth about his behavior giving examples in detail, and told him that he needs professional help, along with references to Bpd related books. He later took that email and posted it on Facebook. ... which I'm sure he tried to use that as amo, but from the comments a lot of people agreed with me.

I think that we would have to think with how we would react if someone suffers from a serious mental illness and approach them with empathy. I think that the same thing could be said for change and that we have to want to change our behaviors in order for us to become healthier.

BPD also has a stigma attached to it and something like anxiety and depression easier for people to accept than a personality disorder. I would encourage for a loved on to seek help for anxiety and depression and that way it starts things moving towards treatment. That being said. I think that your BPDex may be triggered with family members when you said that he is getting an earful from family.

What are your feelings about getting your ex help? How would you approach it differently?
Logged

"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
JayApril
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 113


« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2015, 10:27:21 AM »

Hi JayApril,

I was in a smear campaign although it was very different than moving from a group of people to another group of people to tell lies.

I triggered what my ex wife fears the most, her fear of abandonment. At the center of the disorder is a narcissistic wound, the core wound of abandonment and a source of anger and rage, I was split black. She's dependent on others to survive and started a romantic relationship with another man in our marriage.

Some experts say that BPD is a shame based disorder, she projected her feelings of shame because she can't cope with anything negative about herself and told our family and friends that I was an abusive husband and father. She burned our relationship to the ground and left with the other man. Eventually the her anger, rage and lies subsided.

I did say to my ex wife once that I thought that she has BPD and I triggered her and she became volatile. I was angry and wanted her to get help for her mental illness but she doesn't take well to advice and she meets people with resistance.

I told my Bpdx the truth about his behavior giving examples in detail, and told him that he needs professional help, along with references to Bpd related books. He later took that email and posted it on Facebook. ... which I'm sure he tried to use that as amo, but from the comments a lot of people agreed with me.

I think that we would have to think with how we would react if someone suffers from a serious mental illness and approach them with empathy. I think that the same thing could be said for change and that we have to want to change our behaviors in order for us to become healthier.

BPD also has a stigma attached to it and something like anxiety and depression easier for people to accept than a personality disorder. I would encourage for a loved on to seek help for anxiety and depression and that way it starts things moving towards treatment. That being said. I think that your BPDex may be triggered with family members when you said that he is getting an earful from family.

What are your feelings about getting your ex help? How would you approach it differently?

To answer your question after reading your great response, thanks. I wouldn't approach it any different. The email that I sent was empathetic enough for him  to understand I wasn't trying to be rude. Which is why I believe that people agreed in his comments. I wanted him to know that after three times of him telling me that he knows he needs help, that road to recovery or feeling better long term is in his hands.

I thought once before that he might be triggered by family. Great point.
Logged
JayApril
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 113


« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2015, 10:31:36 AM »

hey jayapril 

heres the thing: BPD is a persecution complex. when you tell "the truth about his behavior" it is received that way. truthfully, no person would take it well, being analyzed by a former romantic partner and told that they need professional help. pwBPD also have a limited set of primitive coping mechanisms, which include but are not limited to forming drama triangles, and seeking a rescuer.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

can you how this might be playing out and where you might be on the triangle?

Oh of course, me being "the abuser" and he the victim in his projection triangle is nothing new. What he forgets is that my behavior never matches his lies. Thus said people begin not to believe him anymore or question him and he searches for someone else to lie to.

I remember my mom telling me about protection triangles.
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12974



« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2015, 12:28:22 PM »

jay,

the karpman drama triangle isnt one persons projection. its a dynamic that everyone on the triangle is actively participating in. roles can switch around, too. lets look at it this way:

persecutor: i see through your lies. you have BPD and need professional help.

victim: jayapril called me a crazy liar!

rescuer: (anyone who will listen and validate)

when you engage, defend yourself, argue, or otherwise give him a piece of your mind, it is feeding this dynamic which is, understandably, further frustrating you. you likely arent getting through, youre confirming in his mind, his perception of you. you want off the triangle, yes?
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Creativum
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 91


« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2015, 10:42:59 AM »

Remember, also, that those who do not validate the pwBPD's stories of woe can often be considered abandonment risks.  Their neutrality or taking of the opposite side can be seen as rejection.  A child is never wrong.

Also remember that where you find one person with BPD, you'll often find a nest.  The parents very frequently pass it on to their children, since BPD is a result of genetics/biology and "imprinting" ... .So don't expect any kind of sympathetic ears if you reach out to his/her family to try to "help" him -- a BPD parent will see you as invalidating and rejecting them for criticizing their natural, vain extension of themselves.  In this Dr. Phil Psych 101 relationship world we live in, there is no room for any "real talk" with anyone in that person's circle.  People will simply project it back onto you.  You'll notice a great deal of immaturity in their superficial "friendships," as well, so, honestly?  Let it go.  These people simply aren't worth the stress, anguish, or hurt. 
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!