I want to end all of this TODAY.

[joel6242]

I want all of this over, the pain is to much. I realize that i am crazy for thinking this but I am thinking this. My exBPD guy put me in jail twice this year and i have had to pay 30k + to get out of this mess. In fact I have to go to court again on the 16th. I still feel like I can fix him, what is wrong with me. He has taken thousands of dollars, abused me and our dogs. Why do I think I want him back. I have not acted on these feelings. I do see good in him and I wish I did not. I need help to keep moving forward, not backwards.

[cloudten]

First of all... .you are not crazy, not one single bit. I know you might feel crazy, but you are having very normal reactions to things that have destroyed you and hurt you and cost you a lot of money. You need to get out of there... .you need to protect yourself first and foremost... .physically, emotionally, mentally.

What are you doing to plan your exit? Have you made any more progress?  You have to grow a pair and get out of there.

There is zero excuse for physical abuse in a relationship. These are NOT isolated incidents... .you might think you can handle each isolated incident... .but if you map it out, it is a pattern.  It is a sick, demented pattern and YOU are the only person who can break the cycle. You are the only person who is capable of change.  You have to save you... .You have to love yourself more than him right now. PLEASE seek help if you need it... .Go to the police if you need to.  I fearing going to police, but when I did, it was eye opening. And it was unbelievable how much they helped me and are still willing to help me.

   

Worried about you!

[C.Stein]

There is no excusing physical abuse.  This is all the reason you need to walk away and never look back.  Think of only yourself right now and what you need to heal and become whole again.  You can do it!