Ex contaced me after almost 1 year NC

[lawman79]

So I guess I am here looking for advice and to vent a little.  For those who don't know my backstory.  My uBPDexgf was the violent, threatening verbally/emotionally abusive type.  We dated on and off for 14 months with 8 or so breakups.  We hadn't spoken or seen each other so right after NYE. 

So I have been generally feeling better about things and have moved on as best I can.  It took a solid few months before I really started to feel better.  I have even dated quite a bit.  I was content with the idea that I would never hear or see her again, unless it was an accident. 

I have been on Tinder for a couple of months and met some nice ladies.  I was on it Saturday morning and I shockingly get a like from my ex... .Her only picture is her holding my dog as a puppy (a dog we got together).  Her profile said must love dogs but don't be a dog.  Out of morbid curiosity I swiped like back.  Within 2 minutes she messages me on Tinder asking about how my dog.  I was shocked.  I waited a few hours but decided to reply and be polite (I know shame on me).  We end up getting a conversation on Tinder about how both our dogs are doing.  She moves on into some health problems that she has been having and how her job is.  She even suggests that we "maybe meet up at the dog park".  Never once does she ask how I am doing (typical BPD).  The conversation ended because I went to bed with her having the last communication.

  It's creepy because she was always obsessed with my dog.  Clearly that has not changed.  The time I saw she violent raged at me and said vile things to me and threw stuff at my car.  She is acting like none of this happened.  It's also weird that this conversation took place on Tinder of all places.

  Once when we were broken up before she used my dogs as a way to safely reengage and see if I would communicate with her.  It kinda seems like that is happening again... .

  Is this a recycling attempt? What is the best way to handle this if it is?

[shatra]

  Law wrote---

We end up getting a conversation on Tinder about how both our dogs are doing.  She moves on into some health problems that she has been having and how her job is.  She even suggests that we "maybe meet up at the dog park".

This is the longest "off" period you have had with her (almost a year)

---What caused that last breakup? 

---Why do u think it is that this is the longest stretch of NC?

----The dog is non-threatening (less so than a person, who can leave her_)

and is also a less emotional hook for approaching you (vs. a stronger subject right away).  Also a way to meet (the dog park)

---Talking about her health could be a way to seek your sympathy

[lawman79]

  We broke up because she was a violent abusive person who would lie in order to manipulate me into doing things.

  The last straw involved me running a few errands after she had minor knee surgery.  She didn't like the stuff I bought for her and starting screaming and insulting me and throwing the stuff at my car.  I got in my car and sped off.  10 minutes later she texting begging me to come back.  After an hour of begging when I said that I wouldn't she began spewing really vile names at me... .for the first time in our relationship, I lost and said some really nasty stuff back.  The next she texted that she couldn't be around someone who was so abusive and disrespectful... .I texted back OK.  We haven't spoke since until Saturday. 

  I think this is the longest stretch of time because I made no attempt to reengage.  Usually it would be me that would break NC.

  I think it's odd that she is reengaging in this manner and acting like nothing happened.  Is it fair to assume this is only the beginning? Obviously she is single and on the prowl. 

[steve195915]

It sure appears as a recycle attempt.  My ex would use subtle things after a breakup to 'test' the waters to see if I would repond to see if the door may still be open.  She never discussed, apologized or admitted fault from her previous behaviors.  As master manipulators they know how to push our buttons so you need to think very deeply about whether you want further communication with her.  If you have any thoughts of rekindling anything with her, think about the past and all the things that happened and were said.  Ask if you want that again? Do you deserve better?  Think of the kind of person they are and what it would provide you even having them as a friend.  

If you don't want them in your life, you owe them no explanation so it's ok to ignore and block.  If you feel you need to give some sort of response, when they contact you again just say you're glad they're doing fine and wish them the best in their future and say your busy and need to go.  If they keep contacting you, you may just have to tell them you've moved on and don't see any reason to maintain contact though you wish them the best.  :)o not get in any dicussion about you're past relationship!