Has anyone else lost friends?

[Jenna74]

I am curious if anyone else here has also lost friends due to the relationships with our BPD/exBPD.  I had a group of friends that I was close to and introduced him to.  I understand the ups and downs (to put it mildly) of our relationship was tiresome but I tried hard to keep everyone out of it.  This was because during the initial breakups a few years ago several tried to "help" which cause a great deal of problems.  However, I found out that they were discussing me negatively with him after our breakup over four months ago and we had a big falling out.  Now he is in the group and I am out.  Looking back they aren't the healthiest of friends and it is probably for the best, however losing him plus  my friends all at once was a double whammy.  As a single mom and only child, my friends are my family.  And seeing the posts on social media of them all hanging out PLUS exBPD's new perfect girlfriend is a hit in the gut even though I have deleted him and have all of their things hidden.  It still somehow makes it on my timeline from time to time.  I feel replaced by a lot of people.

Anyone else have any experience with this? 

[blackbirdsong]

I have neglected my friends during our relationship. Because "my own time" was always a problem. That was one of the reasons I broke up with her. I knew that I can't be happy with this. After the breakup I connected again with my friends and some of them were great support. After the breakup I needed to talk to someone, I taught I am going crazy so the listened and approved my decision. I am glad I have them.

The people you are referring to are not your friends, believe me. Be happy that they are not in your life. You mentioned your family, that is great for the start, talk to them. You will meet new friends in your new and healthy life. Friends will come. You will attract more healthy persons when you reflect those healthy feelings.

Also, you have us, and we have you. This community also helped me in very short amount of time that I am active here.

Stay strong!

[juniorswailing]

I haven't but only because I realised what was going on.

She removed any photos of my family, kids, dad etc, that were in my house and didn't engage with any of my friends when we met them.

I feel so sad for her as if it wasn't for the BPD she'd be my idea SO.

[juniorswailing]

BBS

it's funny you mention that as although nothing was ever said I knew that 'my own time' would be an issue so I never bothered with the stuff that I would have normally done on my days off work etc,.

[JSF13]

My pwBPDEX dismantled all but 1 of my friendships. I have regained almost every single one of the dismantled friendships. She had pitted my friends against me and me against my friends with severe manipulation. She even went as far as trying to pit my mother and I against one another and one of my bestest friends who we are like brother and sister. he only person she couldn't manipulate is my Inseparable best friend and she hated him for the sheer reason she couldn't get him to bite. She would interact with my friends and then tell them stories of me bad mouthing them. I would have told her something and she would completely twist what I said. Then she would come back to me and tell me they talked badly about me. This did 2 things. 1. sever the friendship 2. Make me believe that I was the problem. Not only was she devaluing me but so were my friends so I believed I was the problem. It wasn't until a week after she left that one of my long time friends who went into NC with me come to me to actually find out what was going on as my ex texted her saying she left me for cheating on her and getting physical. My friend knew damn well that sounded nothing like me so she finally reached out which led me to reach out to 9-12 people all having the same sort of story of her telling them I was trashing them. There is a specific story of one friend of mine taking a kitchen knife to my clothes while I was away one time. I was told the girl was wasted and trashing me and took a kitchen knife to my belongings. My BPDEX told me she was fearful of her life and that the girl came on to her and she was going crazy with a kitchen knife. The reason it was believable is because the clothing was shredded and my friend does in fact drink a lot. Turns out my EX forced this girl to do it, It was was my friend who was fearful and she said there is no way she would EVER come on to my gf. From there I went one by one calling people and straightening out stories. Also I should add that I became so consumed in her and her illness I couldn't do much of anything asides be with her nonstop. She would destroy every social interaction for me. Let it be known I am a musician and tour for a living.

[Joem678]

All relationships practically destroyed.  Family, friends you name it.  On both sides of the isle.  Because of how she painted me black but still came back to me.

[Michelle27]

I lost a few, but they needed to be lost.  A couple were good supports for me for awhile  but then either got tired of my confusion and pain and became agents of my ex in his stalking attempts.  They could also have fallen for his manipulative ways just like I did for 15 years.  One allowed me to put have my children stay with her when I brought my husband to the hospital for what ended up being his first mental health admission.  I've also stayed at her house a few times when I had to flee due to his rages.  Then I hear she was telling others that if she was ever going to have an affair, it would be with him.  She also knew about my husband's year long affair with a mutual friend as it was happening and never bothered to tell me while pretending to be my friend.  The  last straw was finding out she was gossiping about me with others.  I don't need friends like this... .

I'm not thrilled but I'm also not in contact with some of my family members, but for good reason.  During the last few years of my toxic marriage, I sought help and advice from those family members and my Dad actually told me that I was wrong, it wasn't mental illness because he didn't "believe in mental illness" and anyone dealing with something like that can just "snap out of it".  My Dad also told me when my daughter was sexually abused by my stepson that I was wrong for reporting it to authorities.  Um no.  My sister also participated with the gossip in the last year of  my marriage. 

I have decided I don't need people in my life who can't be there for me so I'm ok with "losing" them. I have close supportive people who DO understand what I went through and are there for me.  Those are the people I want around me.

[jTrue426]

I lost friends but didn't realize it until I needed them to help me put my life back together and they were no longer there.