I'm Sorry

[Depression = 72% of members]

I wonder how many of us find ourselves saying we're sorry when it is unnecessary.   I never really saw the harm in it, but this changed my perspective.   If you keep apologizing, you begin to feel things big and small are always your fault.  And the idea that others may actually start to feel that way never occurred to  me.  www.lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-apologizing-for-everything-you-do-1746770762

[mssalty]

I wonder how many of us find ourselves saying we're sorry when it is unnecessary.   I never really saw the harm in it, but this changed my perspective.   If you keep apologizing, you begin to feel things big and small are always your fault.  And the idea that others may actually start to feel that way never occurred to  me.  www.lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-apologizing-for-everything-you-do-1746770762

[eeks]

Hi mssalty, I like that article.  I also wonder if the habit of apologizing for things one didn't do, also has something to do with fear of the alternative, "having needs and asking others to meet them"?

My mother says that as a teenager if she disagreed with her father or said "no", she would have been slapped.  (I now believe he was likely NPD or traits.)  She still copes with some types of conflict by immediately forfeiting her needs, sometimes including apologizing even when it was the other person who was in the wrong.

So, here is the start of my list of things a person does not need to apologize for.

- existing

- having needs (although some of those needs may remain unmet, so accepting the frustration of that is important too)

- having feelings (although regulating and skillful action based on feelings are important)

- not being perfect