Confused

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Being in this forum for a couple of days I can understand that most of you are very familiar with the symptoms of BPD and how it affects a relationship. I am still trying to figure out if BPD is the reason of my ex's behavior and maybe find closure this way since I don't seem to find it in any other way.

Most of the things you talk about in the different forums here seem really familiar but in my case there were no devaluation phases as such. There were clear idealization phases but those were usually followed by him disappearing for different reasons but never because he felt he didn't love me or like me anymore. It was always for reasons that I think had to do with a fear of abandonment and his insecurity to invest in the relationship and be left heartbroken (he had a bad previous experience).

For example he would convince himself that I would leave him at some point because he was shorter than me. Or that I would break up with him because I would get tired of the long distance relationship. Other times he would get so frustrated by his financially struggles and feel like he couldn't offer anything in this relationship. But again, although that was real I feel like it was still an excuse to cover up for his difficulty to invest and be left heartbroken. Every time he disappeared though(3 times in 9 months), he would return and admit his reasons, which never had to do with devaluing me as a person, would apologize for his harsh behavior of ignoring my attempts to reach out to him and would always admit I didn't deserve this kind of behavior. He never went after another girl during this time either. He would however not return any of my calls or messages and would even delete my number, his viber, skype etc which I found harsh, egocentric and extreme. I could never understand how you can do that to someone you love.

I don't know... .Does it still sound like a BPD even though it doesn't exactly fit the picture that most of you describe? Please help me if you can... .

[Penelope35]

Being in this forum for a couple of days I can understand that most of you are very familiar with the symptoms of BPD and how it affects a relationship. I am still trying to figure out if BPD is the reason of my ex's behavior and maybe find closure this way since I don't seem to find it in any other way.

Most of the things you talk about in the different forums here seem really familiar but in my case there were no devaluation phases as such. There were clear idealization phases but those were usually followed by him disappearing for different reasons but never because he felt he didn't love me or like me anymore. It was always for reasons that I think had to do with a fear of abandonment and his insecurity to invest in the relationship and be left heartbroken (he had a bad previous experience).

For example he would convince himself that I would leave him at some point because he was shorter than me. Or that I would break up with him because I would get tired of the long distance relationship. Other times he would get so frustrated by his financially struggles and feel like he couldn't offer anything in this relationship. But again, although that was real I feel like it was still an excuse to cover up for his difficulty to invest and be left heartbroken. Every time he disappeared though(3 times in 9 months), he would return and admit his reasons, which never had to do with devaluing me as a person, would apologize for his harsh behavior of ignoring my attempts to reach out to him and would always admit I didn't deserve this kind of behavior. He never went after another girl during this time either. He would however not return any of my calls or messages and would even delete my number, his viber, skype etc which I found harsh, egocentric and extreme. I could never understand how you can do that to someone you love.

I don't know... .Does it still sound like a BPD even though it doesn't exactly fit the picture that most of you describe? Please help me if you can... .