Destroyed

[StillRecovering]

I never knew that one person could cause so much destruction in another's life.  Two years ago I didn't know what Borderline Personality Disorder was.  I never could have foreseen what would transpire with my BPDexgf.  She and I destroyed each other, but the core of this destruction was her personality disorder.

I'm no angel.  We both had our role in the relationship and all of its chaos.  However, the difference is that I recognized that something was not right.  Intellectually, I knew I had to remove myself from it but was emotionally unable to do so.  She gave me the chance to so many times and I went running back.  And it was always the same. 

But then, something shifted.  Or at least, it seemed like it did.  She seemed to have been "cured".  We stopped abusing each other.  We felt in love and truly happy.  But I should have known better.  She still had her anger and her blowups.  They were just a little less extreme and I chose to look away.  I told myself she was just a little needy.  And then it all came crashing down.  After this period of happiness she became more dysregulated than I have ever seen.  And I realized a relationship with her was not sustainable.  I don't think she can have a relationship with anyone.  She is simply too damaged.  I had the strength to walk away, but she got her revenge in ways I never could have imagined.  I still have not recovered from the damage she has done to me and I do not know if I ever will. 

[blackbirdsong]

Hi,

Hope you will be better.Can you tell us what actions did she pull?

[StillRecovering]

Most of her behavior came down to a need to control me because her self-esteem is so low that she did not think that anyone could ever love her.  Her favorite thing to do was non-stop texting and rages if I didn't answer her.  When we would argue she would fly into a rage and hang up on me and then send text after text after text.  I would try and call her and say let's talk like adults, but she would simply continue the verbal assault. 

Most of these fights came about because of her insecurities and her problems with me having contact with any other females in my life.  She would obsessively check social media sites to see if I was in contact with any other females and fly into rages if I talked to any of my "whores".  If she sent me a nice text and I didn't answer it then that meant I didn't love her.  It would take a long conversation to calm her down and make her know that I did.  Life was a constant walk on eggshells and I have never known that anyone was capable of such anger and rage as my BPDexgf. 

[hopealways]

Most of her behavior came down to a need to control me because her self-esteem is so low that she did not think that anyone could ever love her.  Her favorite thing to do was non-stop texting and rages if I didn't answer her.  When we would argue she would fly into a rage and hang up on me and then send text after text after text.  I would try and call her and say let's talk like adults, but she would simply continue the verbal assault. 

Most of these fights came about because of her insecurities and her problems with me having contact with any other females in my life.  She would obsessively check social media sites to see if I was in contact with any other females and fly into rages if I talked to any of my "whores".  If she sent me a nice text and I didn't answer it then that meant I didn't love her.  It would take a long conversation to calm her down and make her know that I did.  Life was a constant walk on eggshells and I have never known that anyone was capable of such anger and rage as my BPDexgf. 

Mine did the exact same stuff.

[JaneStorm]

Had she met any of your female friends? I found that taking my BPDex around my friends and their partners defused some of the insecurities; not always, but there was not an unknown element that could drive him into his dark place. He had to willingly go there and make things up and later would acknowledge that he knew better. I would not contribute to it by being 'private'. I was always very transparent.

[lovenature]

To a pwBPD feelings=facts; I was ok with my uBPDexgf going out with the man she lied to me about being friends with, while she continually questioned my honesty and integrity-believing I was involved with another woman (projection at it's finest, FOG was SOO thick!)

The way to recover is to stay NC (I know how tough it is, I have failed multiple times), and shift the focus to you; why did you tolerate what you did for so long?

One day at a time, it will get better.

[Kelli Cornett]

Sounds like you were emotionally cheating on her.

[JSF13]

Most of her behavior came down to a need to control me because her self-esteem is so low that she did not think that anyone could ever love her.  Her favorite thing to do was non-stop texting and rages if I didn't answer her.  When we would argue she would fly into a rage and hang up on me and then send text after text after text.  I would try and call her and say let's talk like adults, but she would simply continue the verbal assault. 

Most of these fights came about because of her insecurities and her problems with me having contact with any other females in my life.  She would obsessively check social media sites to see if I was in contact with any other females and fly into rages if I talked to any of my "whores".  If she sent me a nice text and I didn't answer it then that meant I didn't love her.  It would take a long conversation to calm her down and make her know that I did.  Life was a constant walk on eggshells and I have never known that anyone was capable of such anger and rage as my BPDexgf. 

Sounds IDENTICAL to what I went through with mine.

[Penelope35]

II had the strength to walk away, but she got her revenge in ways I never could have imagined.  I still have not recovered from the damage she has done to me and I do not know if I ever will. 

So sorry for what you went through but i am glad that you found the strength to walk away. What do you mean she got her revenge? What did she do?