Its a wrap - 50 ways to leave your lover

[CharWood]

I have been posting on here since my ex and I broke up about 5 months ago and our almost 5 years of knowing one another, 4 year relationship and 3 year marriage... .all of that is coming to a close - the chapter has concluded. we were living in our house together since she dysregulated worse than I have ever seen her do and we broke up in mid July. everything is now finalized and the house has been unloaded. I am leaving to move back west at the end of the week and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. it is mixed emotions really. some days I am sad, some joyful, some confused, some lost, and some... .relieved. I have realized that my ex wife's refusal to seek therapy and self-destructive behavior ultimately destroys everything good in her life and it destroys me... .I cannot stay in her life in any capacity - that would be enabling her. She will return home to her mom's house (who also shares a BPD diagnosis) and she will have to deal with the consequences of her life falling apart- she will no longer be able to cause me pain and harm - no more abuse. No more lies. No more disloyalty. No more push-pull or watching the horribly painful discarding and being forced to watch the replacement attempts play out. No  more financial damage. No more.

It will be hard but I have my friends and family on my side and will no longer be isolated away from them with no one but her to drive me nuts.  Its been a long road and I am glad I am finally seeing a clearing in this storm.

I will have to maintain no contact when I go home.  She suspects I will return home along with her. We live about 30 to 40 minutes apart in different suburbs of the metropolitan area we are from.  We still share mutual friends, however I am going to be careful with how I approach hanging out with them or speaking with them. I plan to change my number and block her on all social media accounts. She expresses that she plans to do the same... .but I do not trust her.

She claimed to have deleted all my friends and family off of her account... .but lied. She also mentioned several times "what if I we ran into eachother in the future... ."

I am hoping it will be out of sight of mind. I do not want to deal with her trying to track me down after a month of being at her mother's house and miserable... .

Any advice on how to handle it from others who have left and gone no contact in the same city as their ex?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey CharWood, I admire your resolve.  It's a rough road, which leads to greater happiness.  I nearly destroyed myself physically, emotionally and financially in a 16-year marriage to a pwBPD, so I know where you're coming from.  At some point, you have to make the break (or at least I did); otherwise, its a downward spiral into the abyss, in my view, which is pretty frightening.  I don't know if I would still be here, had I stayed.  That sounds dramatic, yet that's how I nearly lost myself.  Yeah, it's awkward when I run into my Ex, but so what?  I don't get into it when I see her.  We are on different paths now, thankfully.

LuckyJim