Faking Pregnancy?

[mil2bpd]

I thought these days were over once my son divorced his uBPD exwife and got shared custody of their son... .but he unfortunately wound up being drawn into another BPD web. I had mentioned early on there were many  with this young woman - three kids by two different fathers, only one of whom lived with her, apparent exaggerations, etc. but he admits now it was a rebound relationship and he ignored all the warnings of friends as well.  He's kicking himself now, as even though they broke up, she's now informed him... .she's 10 weeks pregnant. It certainly sounds like a far-fetched story as my son swears they'd not had frequent relations, always used protection, and she had her period the end of October - and she recently said her OB told her she was approaching menopause by her lab levels. She's 37, her youngest child is 14. This all came up after it was firm on my son's part the relationship was over - she mentioned it off hand when she came to pick up some belongings, saying she hadn't mentioned it earlier because she hadn't thought it was viable. She followed up a few nights later at 1:30 am with a sonogram. However, there are websites where one can purchase phony pregnancy ultrasounds.  My son offered to go with her to the next OB appointment, which she says she didn't make - unusual as those are generally routinely made as a matter of course.  He also wanted a paternity test, which she was insulted by - told him not to contact her anymore, she'd call him once the baby is born (how is she paying for all this OB care?). Then what should happen but she texts him the next day about an unrelated and potentially bogus matter.  He's gone NC and is contemplating hiring a private detective  - naturally HIPAA would prevent checking her medical records but perhaps it would settle his mind. As my DH said, if this was anyone else he wouldn't hesitate to say it was a hoax, but another 7 months is a long time to wait to be absolutely sure. 

Has anyone been through anything like this?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[js friend]

Hi mil2BPD,

I didnt know it was happening at the time but yes my dd21 has faked multiple pregnancies before actually getting pregnant. I had taken her to get her to be put  on birth control when she was 16yo as I knew that in all likeihood she was sleeping around but she made such a scene about it how she was not sleeping around and was totally outraged and offended that I could assume that about her that it didnt happen. 

I now have 2 gc who she can barely cope and is emotionally distant from them, but she has said that she would like more in time!. I really hope that she doesnt for all our sakes of us all, but in truth I can see it happening again, and again , and again until she finds a man who will stay with her:'(

I think the P.I idea is a good one. At least you will know if she is going to any hospital appointments or buying things for the birth. My dd loved going to the hospital for scans and never missed one to my knowledge. It was the attention she loved and got. Your son is right to be suspicious as these appointments are prebooked which would give her plenty of time to let your son know if he was hoping to attend.

I have also read quite a few posts from members on the leaving board where  BPD ex partners have claimed to be pregnant after the r/s has ended so you are definitely not alone. It might be worth posting there to see if you get any responses. Iam pretty sure you will.

You are right that this woman is not to be trusted. It is better for your son to keep one foot in front of the other and to keep moving. He thought he had escaped but pwBPD will go to any length to to keep getting the attention coming. 7 months is a long time to wait to know for definate but it will also be  a long time for this woman to keep up this performance if it is not true. She will probably move on, claim to miscarry or have an abortion if she doesnt get the response she wants from him. In the meantime I would advise him to only communicate through 3rd party, text or email because then he has a record of what this woman is saying and/or demanding.

I hope that your son will not try to patch things up with this woman for the sake of this child if it turns out to be his because this child will not fix this r/s.He needs to keep away from this woman. If she is not really pregnant now but pretending to be, sleeping with her again could make it a reality. My dds exbf used to go over to her to see his first child although we all advised him not to. We even offered him to see the child at other homes so it didnt come as a shock dd became pregnant again. The shock was more that he could go with her again after all she put him through and all that he knows about her sexual behaviour. I know now that he deeply regrets ever having children with her as she is so unreasonable and he finds it impossible to co-parent with her.

Iam sorry that you are going through this milBPD as I can sympathise with your postion looking at it from the other side.

[mil2bpd]

Thank you so much for your response.  I thought I'd seen another one earlier before work - I SO appreciate hearing from people and shedding some light on this distressing situation!

I can imagine how difficult it must me for you to be mothering a DD going through this, and now have two GC. We don't quite understand how our son - an otherwise bright, successful professional - fell into another relationship with such a dysfunctional uBPD, not that there weren't warning signs early on. 

She definitely moved too fast, literally. Shortly after meeting, she and the one daughter who lives with her moved to the same apartment complex he moved to after selling the home he shared with his wife. When my DH and I first met her last Christmas at an outdoor event, she seemed to be stepping in very quickly to the mother role for his son. And she claimed to have a PhD - in some obscure field yet she didn't affix Dr. to her name and she worked as a store manager... .a job she promptly QUIT after she convinced my son to have her move in once he rented a house. Not that she did much to contribute.  Her daughter attended a home school program, where they claimed she excelled - yet when my son came across her grades she had mostly C's and D's.  Her son was being raised by her parents one state away and she'd hadn't seen them in the year she and my son were dating; her youngest lives across country with that ex-husband and visited over the summer; she actually seemed nice but the gf called her a "brat".  It was at that time she told me her OB informed her she was no longer ovulating - I wanted to ask her how she confirmed that as I know she'd have had to have had certain hormone levels tested - only to bring her tampons at her request to the hospital when she had been admitted for GI testing.  How could she have her period if she was "no longer ovulating"?   That was one time when I told my son of the    and to be very careful - which after she informed him of the "pregnancy" he swears  he was. 

With her history of lying, I am inclined to think this is one major one and one last ditch effort to get them together. The reason she finally left, after he had previously told her it wasn't working out but she claimed she had no money to go on her own (and he helped her get a job) was she accused him - typically as a BPD - of flirting with waitresses.  He thought it ridiculous but didn't stop her as I imagine she thought he would.  In any event, he did consult with a divorce lawyer, well-versed in BPD, who actually discouraged the idea of a PI - said it would only inflame her more should she get wind of  it and no telling what she would do then.  If - and it's a big if - she truly is pregnant, which the attny doesn't think is true - people would be able to see within the next few weeks.

She claims to be religious, although that is dubious, so abortion is doubtful, but she is very contradictory in her convictions and based on past experience she has done a poor job raising her children. I'm not sure how and why she could consider another. Then again, that's a BPD for you. Look at octo-mom, and what your DD has told you!

Should a child be a reality, we've discussed sole custody with my son.  Definitely a consideration. No child deserves to be raised by someone like her, not that I hope it comes to that by any means.

Anyway, thanks so much for providing encouragement. Sounds like a hoax is a very distinct possibility.