Hell on wheels... absolutely cold / rude/ unsymathetic

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I went out to vegas for a visit with " vixen " last week... .she had texted and e had talked ... she laid down her terms for my return... I exp;lained that I would come out to visit for a couple of days, she said she had to work and would not have much time for me... but I went out anyway... .with high hope of reconcilliation and a plan to move forward... she picked me up at the airport, and I could tell she was glad to see me, but from the get go she made it clear this was not to be a booty call... .i said fine... no problem... she just wanted to enjoy each other and have fun together again... sounded great... e slept in the same bed... .althought she refused to move her to huge irish setters out and there wasnt enogh room for us all, so I ended up up sleeping inthe next room after a couple of hours anyway... .the next night we went out to dinner , and to the store... had a nice time... .I thought things were going well... .untill she decided she didnt feel like taking me to the airport... .I simply wanted to kknow why ... maybe it was just too early in the morning etc... .and then she blew her top , started slamming things around and said " I already told you I wasnt taking yuou to the airport... why do you want to fight with me "... .I actually didnt want to fight , I just didnt see paying 50 bucks for a cab ride, and there is no way i would everf refuse to take her somewhere she needed to go etc... .anyway... it ended a little shaky... .

When I returned home, we began speaking regularlhy on the phone each night , and i thought things were going smoothly, and even had it in my mind per our conversations that I would be coming home for good after the holidays... .I have taken a part time job in Illinois and am staying with familu herer through the holidays... .so I thought we were both on the same page untill

tonight we had a nice converesation, but as we hung up the phones, i heard her say " I hate your family " as she hung up. so naturally i called back, and she didnt answer several times ... then i texted " I heard what you said when you hung up , whats up with that"... .she replied in a text... " its no secret that I hate your family... and by the way... I have a couple of days off and got an offer to go out of town for the holidays anbd I'm going"... .so I asked where , and she said phoenix, where I know she has a couple of ex boyfriends, one of whon she had been in contact wioth last christmas and she had threatened to go spend time whith him last year... .I had been out of town , and somethig told me she had seen him in my absence then... .but i never pushed it... .

Then tonight, she started rehashing how I had not treated her well and that I had my chance, and how she didnt want to be alon for the holidays and hse was going to accept this offer and fly to phoenis... .she would not tell me who she was going to see, not even leting me know if it was a man or wonam. etc... toally playing into my fears of her having a christmnas affair with a blast form the past... .and then saying I had my chance and she was ready to have a single life like she always wanted... .etc... .totally leading me to beleive she is blatantly just going to phoenix for a few days to get laid... .i am in total disbeleif... .she would only say " just a friend " but still would not disclose the sex of this friend... .only that she had founmd sitters for her dogs ( whom whe woudlnt even kick out of bed for me last week ) and that she was going and didnt know how long she would be staying... .

she said " im supporing myself paying al the bills, so im gonna do what i please. and then just started with the " why couldnt you have done this and that , aas if I had my chance and know someone else is geting to play... ." someon you do not know " she says... .what a f n b___... .



What is a man to think of this... .I have had it with her head games... .I know last year at this time she also had the offer to go to phoenix, and then after I got back home, I found a parking receipt for the airport and when i presented it to her she ripped it out of my hand and said " where did you get that. "... .making me very suspicious...

now she suddenly is jetting off to phoenix, saying " you hjave your family , so you be with them and Im going to have my fun "

The she would not anser the phone t0o explain... .and the few texts she sent were all to the tone of " yo had your chance " you should have treated me better etc... .

Advice ... how do I handle this one... .I pretty much sent multiple emails telling her If she is going into another mans arms for the holidays, I can not tolerate this and we are done... .but if she was jujst goijg to see friends to just say so... .she would give me no further info other than... ." you had your chance and If I was to take yoyu back you owe me x , y, z"

Ok... .some BPD give me insight here... what is she doing, and what should I do to counter this... I love her and want ot stay with her... but cant tolerate blatant cheating.

And the worst is the text where she said " I am very much looking forward to being treated like a princess, instead of being a mommy... .it will be extremely refreshing... .you have your holiday, and I will have my fun . In the meantime I will play the single life I wanted to , but never did."...

What the truck... people... I need some support and thoughts and advice here.

Help please.

Dumpsterdog

[dumpsterdog]

So I went out to vegas for a visit with " vixen " last week... .she had texted and e had talked ... she laid down her terms for my return... I exp;lained that I would come out to visit for a couple of days, she said she had to work and would not have much time for me... but I went out anyway... .with high hope of reconcilliation and a plan to move forward... she picked me up at the airport, and I could tell she was glad to see me, but from the get go she made it clear this was not to be a booty call... .i said fine... no problem... she just wanted to enjoy each other and have fun together again... sounded great... e slept in the same bed... .althought she refused to move her to huge irish setters out and there wasnt enogh room for us all, so I ended up up sleeping inthe next room after a couple of hours anyway... .the next night we went out to dinner , and to the store... had a nice time... .I thought things were going well... .untill she decided she didnt feel like taking me to the airport... .I simply wanted to kknow why ... maybe it was just too early in the morning etc... .and then she blew her top , started slamming things around and said " I already told you I wasnt taking yuou to the airport... why do you want to fight with me "... .I actually didnt want to fight , I just didnt see paying 50 bucks for a cab ride, and there is no way i would everf refuse to take her somewhere she needed to go etc... .anyway... it ended a little shaky... .

When I returned home, we began speaking regularlhy on the phone each night , and i thought things were going smoothly, and even had it in my mind per our conversations that I would be coming home for good after the holidays... .I have taken a part time job in Illinois and am staying with familu herer through the holidays... .so I thought we were both on the same page untill

tonight we had a nice converesation, but as we hung up the phones, i heard her say " I hate your family " as she hung up. so naturally i called back, and she didnt answer several times ... then i texted " I heard what you said when you hung up , whats up with that"... .she replied in a text... " its no secret that I hate your family... and by the way... I have a couple of days off and got an offer to go out of town for the holidays anbd I'm going"... .so I asked where , and she said phoenix, where I know she has a couple of ex boyfriends, one of whon she had been in contact wioth last christmas and she had threatened to go spend time whith him last year... .I had been out of town , and somethig told me she had seen him in my absence then... .but i never pushed it... .

Then tonight, she started rehashing how I had not treated her well and that I had my chance, and how she didnt want to be alon for the holidays and hse was going to accept this offer and fly to phoenis... .she would not tell me who she was going to see, not even leting me know if it was a man or wonam. etc... toally playing into my fears of her having a christmnas affair with a blast form the past... .and then saying I had my chance and she was ready to have a single life like she always wanted... .etc... .totally leading me to beleive she is blatantly just going to phoenix for a few days to get laid... .i am in total disbeleif... .she would only say " just a friend " but still would not disclose the sex of this friend... .only that she had founmd sitters for her dogs ( whom whe woudlnt even kick out of bed for me last week ) and that she was going and didnt know how long she would be staying... .

she said " im supporing myself paying al the bills, so im gonna do what i please. and then just started with the " why couldnt you have done this and that , aas if I had my chance and know someone else is geting to play... ." someon you do not know " she says... .what a f n b___... .



What is a man to think of this... .I have had it with her head games... .I know last year at this time she also had the offer to go to phoenix, and then after I got back home, I found a parking receipt for the airport and when i presented it to her she ripped it out of my hand and said " where did you get that. "... .making me very suspicious...

now she suddenly is jetting off to phoenix, saying " you hjave your family , so you be with them and Im going to have my fun "

The she would not anser the phone t0o explain... .and the few texts she sent were all to the tone of " yo had your chance " you should have treated me better etc... .

Advice ... how do I handle this one... .I pretty much sent multiple emails telling her If she is going into another mans arms for the holidays, I can not tolerate this and we are done... .but if she was jujst goijg to see friends to just say so... .she would give me no further info other than... ." you had your chance and If I was to take yoyu back you owe me x , y, z"

Ok... .some BPD give me insight here... what is she doing, and what should I do to counter this... I love her and want ot stay with her... but cant tolerate blatant cheating.

And the worst is the text where she said " I am very much looking forward to being treated like a princess, instead of being a mommy... .it will be extremely refreshing... .you have your holiday, and I will have my fun . In the meantime I will play the single life I wanted to , but never did."...

What the truck... people... I need some support and thoughts and advice here.

Help please.

Dumpsterdog

[tenacity]

First... .wow I am so sorry you are going through this with her. I wonder what would happen if you just completely ignored her tactics. She is doing her best to manipulate you and maybe by not responding to her anymore you would see a different side to her. It sounds like endless mind games from what  you are saying in your post. As soon as things get ok, bam back at it with the push pull and hurtful comments and actions. That is so exhausting.

Personally, I would give her space and do MY BEST to stop being so predictable in my reactions. She is counting on them. Let her texts, snide remarks and calls wait... .don't react. There is no urgency here at all. Also I would maybe ask myself what advice I would give a buddy if he were having these same issues with his girl. Read your post over and think how you would respond at the end if it were a good friend of yours asking for advice.

Lastly, I would sit down and make a pro and con list of what you are actually getting from the relationship at this point. Really ask yourself what it is you love about her and if this relationship is even a healthy one for you to be in at this point. It takes two to make it work and at this point it sounds like you are the only one truly invested here.

Setting boundaries and then sticking to your consequences would also be a great place to start. If she does X then this is what is going to happen. I will not tolerate Z anymore and if that happens, this will be the consequence. It isn't easy but with BPD'd people our actions speak much louder than words. And they pay attention to see just how serious we are with our consequences. As much as they fear being alone they push us away and it becomes a very vicious game of push/pull and how much the other person is going to tolerate before they leave which feeds right into their fears.

There is some codependency going on here too in my opinion. Try reading some of Melody Beattie's books... .Codependent No More and Language of Letting Go... .are both excellent!

A new year is almost here... .maybe sit down and think about what you would like to be different in YOUR next year  Because it is YOURS too... .it isn't all about her. You deserve to be happy and healthy... .set up some boundaries that could make that a reality for you.   

[dumpsterdog]

Good advice... I did finally tell her that if she truly wants to go spend time wiht another man, which may possibly be a romantic issues... .that i will never answer her calls or have anything to do with her ever again, so if she wants to play the singles game... .go right aheade and i will find someone who truly cares about me enough to show me some respect and for my own dignity ,,,if she wants to push it that far, it will be the final nail in the coffin... .

Then I come to find out it was all a big lie... she got not invite, she went nowhere... .And when i said " go ahead and do what you need to do, but dont ever call me again , because I wont answer... " ... .she contacted me almost immediatley,


you are right it is exhausting... .but i did put my foot down and the line is drawn here... .when you start wanting to swee someone else, then i wil be gone for good... .and i did say that thats not what i want to do, but if she pushes i will have no choice, and she can just add me to the list of former loved ones who will never speak to her again... .

we will see where it goes now

thanks

[JohnLove]

Phew, dumpsterdog. Just to read your experience was stressful. I'm glad you resolved it for the time being. The mind games are almost unbelievable.

Obviously she is missing you... .and instead of healthy reaching out to seek contact, comfort, reassurance, validation... .she pulls this crap.

We need one of those machines like on The Jetsons cartoon. You know that could make their dog talk plain english. Except modified for BPD. A Universal BPD Translator (or UBPDT) of sorts.

I imagine it would be a life saving device and would also avoid this kind of suffering.

[Skip]

Really good advice here "dog".

Bad experience, but good lesson. She went too far and showed you that she gets some helpful release by taking you for an emotional ride. Now that you know, the best thing is to watch for it and not play.

Why is the big question. It may be as simple as what JohnLove said - it shows her you care. But you don't want to encourage this type of behavior, nor do you want to call her on it. You're best to know its a tool in her box and back away when she uses it - defuse it.

The "I hate your family" was the same basic thing. Next time, don't pick up the bait.

The doctor (not me BTW) says run two miles, drink a Brandy, get a good night sleep. 

[dumpsterdog]

So, Vixen and I talked just last week... I was to come back home for good the end of this coming week... .she said ok... everfything seemed like it was moving forward... now she hastn answered the phione for two days straight... .andi have been texting and calling like crazy out of concer for her... now she finally returned my call and said if i came back she would get a restraingnnorder... .which she p[robably would... .so the dynamic has shifted again with no resasonable ex[;anation... .she says i dont carfe about her... .what can i do now... .im living in hell over this... .she changes dramitcally every couple of weeks... .how do i respond for the best outcome.


please help... i need some advice... this is driving me crazy

[Herodias]

Oh gosh, that sounds very frustrating! You need to remain calm... .She is creating drama. I would tell her that when she can speak with you without threats you would be glad to come up with a peaceful resolution... .not sure what your intentions are. I see you are in the saving a relationship section here. How long have you been away? It sounds like a push/pull thing here and abandonment issues. You need some boundaries because if you go back she will make you pay for leaving, whether you left or she pushed you out, it doesn't matter. It's how they are. It sounds weird, but it becomes like you are the parent and they are a toddler. You have to be the adult and be calm and set the rules. If they don't want to do it your way, which they usually don't, but eventually will... .you need to maintain your boundary. Good luck.

[Skip]

Oh gosh, that sounds very frustrating! You need to remain calm... .She is creating drama. I would tell her that when she can speak with you without threats you would be glad to come up with a peaceful resolution... .

 

I second this, with the caveat that I would't add a threat to it    We need to walk the talk on our values before we can ask it of others.

She's over-reacting to something. Maybe having some second thoughts (its to be expected, this isn't going ro instantly heal).  :)on't jump into the fray. Be strong. Be confident. You two have a history of drama. She baits. You jump for the hook. You want to get off of that.

Nothing is going to change without you making some changes her. You have to lead.  She can, but that i sjust going to be drama.

What is going on Dumpsterdog?  Can you fill in the details.

[dumpsterdog]

Bsically she has deleted any texts that were positive in regards to us, she has threatened to go visit " a friend " and wont say whether it is male or female, romantic or not ... etc... .deleted all texts regarding this... .has threatned me with restrianing order if i come back home, after me thingkint that we were ok just a few days ago and actually discussing my plans to come home next week... .she has just dissapeared and destroyed any positives at all and is currently only communicating to tell me to not come back... i dont want you... .you are a cheap ass... .sob... .etc... .she is basically emotionally abusing the ___ out of my right now and ignoring my calls and texts... .after making comment that she wonder sif im out with myu other girlfriend ( whicbh is lkudicrous, but mnakes me wonder if she is seeing someone else... why else would she turn into superb___ for no reason. )

that;s whats going on,,,she will not respon to me in any way right now... .

i need to know what to do . this is killing me again... .

[Skip]

he will not respon to me in any way right now... .

i need to know what to do . this is killing me again... .

Do nothing. Give it space. She gets some emotional relief out of pushing your buttons - this can develop in these relationships. She showed you that it has developed in yours, loud and clear.  Stop being her keypad. You are rewarding her bad behavior.  It's making you crazy. It's encouraging her to do more.

Post this on your bathroom mirror ------>


Is this an accurate paraphrase (with emotions left out)?

after me thinking that we were ok and discussing my plans to come home next week... .she is telling me to not come back right now and ignoring my calls and texts.

She wonders if I'm out with my other girlfriend (makes me wonder if she is seeing someone else)

Why doesn't she want you to come back? Did you jump the gun?  :)id she change her mind?  :)id something happen?

Let's get calm and get this on a better path.  You don't want to give up your sanity to have this relationship.

Let's get cool.   

[dumpsterdog]

Reply to skip ...

She suddenly stopped responding to me, so I texted her and called many times over two days because I was very concerned, she has lead me to beleive she might be seeing someone else, then she said she was very sick, then she played the whole " you left me alone for the holidays " after she actually acted so terribly that I could not stand to be around her at all... then she only contacts me when she needs something done ... like " call the HOA about this and that "... .so she plays me and makes surea I will still respond to her, but then she doesnt respond to me... .its actuallyu quite sick... .then When I call her on her bull___... .such as " you only call me when you need me to do something for you are you want to complain about something I did two years ago "... .etc... then she blow a fuse... .anytimg I confront her regarding the really awful way she treats me, she goes ballisticm threatens restrianing orders etc... .and now this ... telling me not to come back ... .after ... .last weeks conversation... .went like this... .it was last saturday morning... .I tiold her I was going to stay in Illinois and wait for one more paycheck ( I have been sorking two jobs while away from her because I took a leave of absence from my real job in vegas and cannot start it back untill the end of january )... .So i'm working two jobs at a terible wage while staying away from her... staying at my parents... .which i really do not want to be doiing... .anyway she agreed when I told her I wanted to wait on one more paycheck to make sure we had enough to get use through the month when I get back and will have to wait a couple of weeks for my regular paycheck to start up again ... .etc... .makes logical sense... .she agreed and I thought we were on a good path... .then when new years eve hitm she sent me a really ___ty text because i di not call her that evening... .i had been previously calling her a dozen time a day with no respones , so i decided to leave it alon until she decied to call me... .and what she actually did was sent me a ___ty text " geex havent heard from yo today , mayber you are out with your other g frnd ... .all bs... ) and then i called her immediatley and she cant answer the phone or text me back... .she really does this often... comes out of hiding to take a potshot and then goes unresponsive again... .i've just had enough of this bull___... I'm planning to drive 1800 miles next weekend to get back to her , and hopefully live at home there again and have a good r ship... and now she suddently turns into eveil b___ again right before my very eyes... .just being as incooperative and mena a nasty , hatefull , hurtfull as she has ever been... .adnth is alwasy seems to happen just when I thingk this thing is finally going to work... .i'm tire of playing the no contact game etc... .its all just one big head game to her... .and I just want to get to the botum of it and find the answer once and for all... .sure treats me like a doormat, insults my famialy, has no interest in sex, refuses to let me do things for her when I offer, then complains that i never do  anyting etc... .typical textbook BPD stufff... .and yioy are right ... it is driving me insane... .the only real answer is to get away and stay away, but then I lose the girl I  love... .so its a lose  / lose all the way around unless I can solve the riddle... .and doing nothing drives me crazy as well... .i just do not know why she will not coopereate or even answerr the phone or test... .especially after giving me the whole story about goingto visit a " friend "... .and then she has actually deleted those texts from our conversation... .I checked wiht the phone company, and now a whole weeks worth or texts have been deleted lik those conversations never existed,,,she is so psycho that she is destroyong my will to live , and I have never , ever felt this destroyed by anyone at anytime... .there is no end to the pain she is causing... .and everytime she calls back and opulls me back in... .she then destroys me again... ho do i get her to be rational and stop all this mental torture... Is she trullly a mentally ill person who will always do this to anyone who gts close... .is she already testing the waters and reeling in the next victime... ?

Exhausted by drama... .f ng b tch is killing me.

[Skip]

Hey dawg,

You're in drama mode, not solution mode. No solutions are go to grow in a pot of charcoal.

You have every right to be upset, resentful. She has those rights, too. One could make an good argument that if no one in the relationship has their mind set on a solution, the parties really need to stay apart. Temporarily or forever.

People can feel other peoples emotions. Know that even if you aren't saying it, she is picking up: "vixen" and "f ng b tch", loud and clear.

This is not the voice or mindset of reconciliation. 

Do you want to lay low for one week break and it out on "Undecided" and then come back to this, if you really want to.

[dumpsterdog]

Ok skip ... i get it ... i have been drawn into drama mode as well... .funny though... .after this eralier lost... i finally texted her that she was forcing me to that place where her ex husband and son are currently... which is " I'll never speak to her again " mode... .and funny thing... .once i sent thoise words... she responded very quickly... .though not with open arms... .actually a little more ball bussting... .but she did respons ... and if she really didnt care... she probably would not have... .i'm guessing... .so now i will lay low as you suggest... .i just never know whats coming next from her.

[Skip]

If your cool in a day or so, why not start a dialog to dissect what is going on an start discussing solutions that could make life better for both of you.

This is better than waiting for the next emotional action and responding or ignoring.

Hang in there.

[dumpsterdog]

I guess we will see... .she is really not easy to talk to... .any question i bring stafrts a circle of deflections, accusations, projections and non answers... .at this point is is imposssible to stay focussed on any one issue with her... .that is the main problem... .nothing ever gets resolved because of the constant finger pointing and tial chasing on her part... .i really need to stay focussed and detached and she really need to be back 0n meds... .botum line... if i had the courage and faith... i really should just detach for good and never react or respond agian... .she has proven to me there is no solution... she will always aggravate any situation and point the path towards the closest fire or point of destruction... .I should just close the chapter , block the number. block facebook etc... .I thinki thats the only way to save myself... .i will be cool and silet for a few days and see what happens... problem is... .my plans tom move back to vegas ( 1800 mile ) at the end of this week are hinging on whether or not I have a place to live when I get there... .she has me by the shorts again...

[Skip]

Doesn't it makes sense to put that off a bit?

[dumpsterdog]

Talked to her today... .she was up and down... .first didnt want me back... then suggested that if i come back i should sleep in the other roomblah blah... .she went off on tangents of why she couldn trust me... .but we ended with me trying desperately to reassure her things would be ok once we got into a routine,,,then,,,the unthinkable... .i suggested that maybe i could hav ea pet... .she went ballistic... .r bombs flying ,,screamimng yelling... name calling... .teling me how this time i really f ed up ... .nmo way she wants me back and shes gonna go out a f   ck the first guy she can just to get me to leave her for good... .an amazingly violent phone call and many really violent text messages... .i do not even know what to do now...

  Once again., I had a few hours of hope ... .just shattered  be heartbreaking violent outbursts... .literaaly screaming into the phone then telling me i was never to come back... that i havenet changed... .all ove sugeeesting maybe i could get a pet... .



now what?

[Skip]

first didnt want me back... .

then suggested that if i come back i should sleep in the other room

she went off on why she can't trust me... .

we ended with me trying desperately to reassure her things would be ok once we got into a routine... .

She is not ready for you to come back. Don't try to talk her into it.

She is still talking to you, but something is up.

What caused this riff and you moving out? What is the fight all about?

[dumpsterdog]

we could npot agree on anythng... .ever... .she didnt trust meor beleive anything i said... ever... .id leave the house  to go to the store and she would thingk i went out to get drugs or see another women... .never ever trusted me... .she expected me to pay for everything ... .allways... .also expected me to be her maid , butler, and finacial advisor... .basically she needs a team of profeeesional homemakers and servants around her at all times... .and expected me to be all those people, and to not espect anything in return... ssuch as love and affection / sex/ i coudnt even call her if i had car trouble or some emergency because she would just go ballistic if she ever had to help me with anything... .thats what the problem was... .now we talked tonight... she is lonely and depressed and sick... .and says she was jut pissed that I was away for the holidays is why she said all those mean nasty things... .now she realises she " needs help "... .with stuff ( cleaning and paying bills obviously )... anbd she is being super nice andwanting me to come home asap... .

thats is where it is at today... .i blew her off for a couple of days , and then didnt respond right away when she contacted me... .amaing how all this follow the BPD assesment so closely... .like a case study of all i have read... .as long as i keep it light, have no needs of my own, and do whatever she says, whenever she says it... .shes happy... .in other words... .when i am a professional " facilitator " to her needs and whims... .she likes me... .wow... .unbeleivable.

[dumpsterdog]

This is copied and pasted from a letter I wrote a buddy who is talking about his relationship to a BPS women who keeps charming, then kicking him in the groin in typical BPD fashion... .read it and you will get the just of where i am at the moment.

thanks for feedback.

Dude…... been there exactly... 6 years together ... I’ve moved out three time due to incredibly inconsiderate, downright thoughtless selfish ___y greedy bad behavior…….most recently... I came home for the holidays to visit family from a different state, and while there , a barn collapsed on me and broke 11 ribs and two bones in my knee , torn ACL, and meniscus ……so I’m staying with family till I’m healed because she told me... ” I don’t want you back here ... i don’t want to take care of you...
What a ___…ok…... so we still talk on the phone…last night she had a little breakdown on the phone because she said she had a dream about her dog who has died……so i listened, sympathized etc... She cried etc……i waited till she was through to talk about me…she said  "how’s things with you today "... .
 ” well, my entire family has gone on vacation, so I’m here alone in the middle of nowhere with no other people around for miles, can’t walk, can’t drive, laying still most of the time… “and it sucks right now “ told her the truth
her reply... ” i don’t want to hear your whining... you are lucky to have a family period “….just blew my mind after i listened to her about her dead dog, ( which happened way back in June )….i have life changing injuries and she ” doesn’t want to hear about it.” and " doesnt want me to come back right now because she doesnt want to be inconvenienced by my health "... ( for the record I m not the needy type and she really wouldn't have to do anything but just be by my side and let me heal for a few weeks,,... but thats too much to ask someone who ive stuck with over 6 yrs of incredibly abusive bs.)
What a complete ___…i told her she was very rude and hung up on her. Then emailed her and explained why this was so rude after I just sat and sympathized with her to just turn on me like that…... I’m having no contact for a while because it just makes me feel bad …and I don’t need that right now.

[Skip]

i have life changing injuries and she ” doesn’t want to hear about it.” and " doesnt want me to come back right now because she doesnt want to be inconvenienced by my health "... .what a complete ___…i told her she was very rude and hung up on her. Then emailed her and explained why this was so rude after I just sat and sympathized with her to just turn on me like that…... I’m having no contact for a while because it just makes me feel bad …and I don’t need that right now.

I thought you were going to try and give her a little space and get this into a cooler place.

It sounds like you want to get back together, she not wanting that right now, you are fighting over it, and it's getting worse.

If you want to heal this, you can't be fighting with her... .even if she is baiting you.

[dumpsterdog]

This happened three weeks  ago ... .I had come home to illinois for the holidays and started working for a friend tearing down barns for some extra cash while i was here... the plan was to return to her ( vegas ) after the holidays... .but then I was injured and she said " I dont want you back ".
3 weeks ago...

the same thing happened two years ago... i came home to see family for the holidays... invited her to come along... but she " hates " my family ( they have been nothing but great to her )... .and last time i came back after a three month absence with plenty o $$ in the bank to last us for several years,, and she kicked me out again within three months... .nasty / brutal seperation based on falsse allegation and delusions... .she literally got an eviction notice and posted daily notes on the wall " 29 days "... ." 28 days "... ."27 days "... .( and i was still cleaning up the yard and buying her groceries and doing everything humanly possible to show her i loved her. )... .just completely psycho...
so i moved out again... .and every time i " really leave this time "... we are back together after three or four months... .exhausting

[dumpsterdog]

To clarify... .only my " today " post is recent the others are from at least a year ago... look at dates before responding to put it in long term perspective... thanks... .love the input

[Skip]

To clarify... .only my " today " post is recent the others are from at least a year ago... look at dates before responding to put it in long term perspective... thanks... .love the input

Thanks for pointing that out!

[Cat Familiar]

Well, you've seen the pattern repeat itself. What about her is so compelling that you'd still want to be with her, knowing how she has treated you?