After the Holidays... ugh

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I have been having limited contact with my BPDex due to his and my children being in town for the winter break. He is the loving man I fell in love with and I feel like crap that after the kids are gone, I need to end this, once and for all. When I am to see him, I feel sad, detached, and a sense of inevitability. He is as excited as a puppy.

I am in weekly therapy and will begin EDMR on Monday.

He emails loving notes, sends links to property that he thinks we will invest in together, and is finally talking about the future in real terms.



Too late.  :'(

All I wanted for the holidays as a gift was for him to begin serious treatment. I told him this. In one ear and out the other. He will lavish trinkets onto me and I will have to choke back my tears. I don't want a stupid card with stupid words. I don't want more clutter crap that I have to give away. I want him to try.

Short of that, 2016 will be the beginning of my single life; again.

[JaneStorm]

I have been having limited contact with my BPDex due to his and my children being in town for the winter break. He is the loving man I fell in love with and I feel like crap that after the kids are gone, I need to end this, once and for all. When I am to see him, I feel sad, detached, and a sense of inevitability. He is as excited as a puppy.

I am in weekly therapy and will begin EDMR on Monday.

He emails loving notes, sends links to property that he thinks we will invest in together, and is finally talking about the future in real terms.



Too late.  :'(

All I wanted for the holidays as a gift was for him to begin serious treatment. I told him this. In one ear and out the other. He will lavish trinkets onto me and I will have to choke back my tears. I don't want a stupid card with stupid words. I don't want more clutter crap that I have to give away. I want him to try.

Short of that, 2016 will be the beginning of my single life; again.

[Mutt]

Hi JaneStorm,

I can see how that would feel disappointing. He has to want to get help for himself and no one can convince him or us for that matter to get help. It sounds like he's not ready yet. Good for you you're beginning EMDR. Hopefully you will feel better soon. Keep us posted.

[JaneStorm]

Thanks, Mutt. Funny, though, I found EDMR by researching ways HE could get help!  The more I learned, the more I realized that I could get help in addition to my regular therapy! 

My chest aches with sadness, but I am anxious and full of dread all at the same time. I feel icky when he is near me and I loathe the sound of his voice now.

Is there always that little bit of residual hope that when us 'nons' break it off and the pwBPD realizes this is really happening, they will break down and get help?

I look towards the day when all hope is truly lost! Then, I will be free.

[Mutt]

Thanks, Mutt. Funny, though, I found EDMR by researching ways HE could get help!  The more I learned, the more I realized that I could get help in addition to my regular therapy!  

A positive side effect  

Is there always that little bit of residual hope that when us 'nons' break it off and the pwBPD realizes this is really happening, they will break down and get help?

It takes time to detach. I do hope that my ex wife gets help for the sake of our kids. I turned it over to a higher power. I let go and let god. My kids are young and they look up to their mother. My oldest is 9 and I can tell that she's confused sometimes with how mom acts or what she says. They're going through their own experience with a mother with BPD.

If you check the sidebar and the five stages of detachment and the last stage freedom. There will be a day where you will lose focus on him and you will find peace and happiness. For me I reached radical acceptance and then freedom and shortly thereafter I got divorced. It all sort of happened all at once. The divorce also gave me a sense of freedom, our marriage was finally over and I have no obligations with her.