How to do it, and how to live with it?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi All,

For the past time I'm dealing with a very hard question, to stay or leave my BPD girl... .She is suicidal, and I try to help her deal with it, but I feel I cannot do it anymore... .No matter what I do, she blames me that I don't understand and I'm the bad guy, she breaks up with me, and after 10 mins blame me that I leave her and she will go and die now. She asks me not to leave her, as if I do, she will die, because I'm her only hope... .

But I myself, cannot deal with it anymore... .I cannot hear all the time that person that is with me wants to die and kill herself, moreover, the aggression that she has when she is in her bad mood is terrible... .She doesn't accept any limits... .She just blaming me for everything, even for the things I do in order to help her.

How can I leave her? I love her very much, I got used to her, she is a part of me... .But I understand that if I will continue like that, my life won't be happy. How will I leave and after that live with the guilt that she died because I left her, and she will do so, she had about 6 suicide attempts in the past... .She tried to kill herself several times during our relationship but I've stopped her... .

What to do, and how did you do that?

[Matt_brown]

Hi All,

For the past time I'm dealing with a very hard question, to stay or leave my BPD girl... .She is suicidal, and I try to help her deal with it, but I feel I cannot do it anymore... .No matter what I do, she blames me that I don't understand and I'm the bad guy, she breaks up with me, and after 10 mins blame me that I leave her and she will go and die now. She asks me not to leave her, as if I do, she will die, because I'm her only hope... .

But I myself, cannot deal with it anymore... .I cannot hear all the time that person that is with me wants to die and kill herself, moreover, the aggression that she has when she is in her bad mood is terrible... .She doesn't accept any limits... .She just blaming me for everything, even for the things I do in order to help her.

How can I leave her? I love her very much, I got used to her, she is a part of me... .But I understand that if I will continue like that, my life won't be happy. How will I leave and after that live with the guilt that she died because I left her, and she will do so, she had about 6 suicide attempts in the past... .She tried to kill herself several times during our relationship but I've stopped her... .

What to do, and how did you do that?

[NCEA]

This is very serious and you should find a therapist that deals with Cluster B and suicidals and once she's on therapy - leave

[Matt_brown]

She has several therapists, however - nothing works.

[JohnLove]

Then it's highly likely she requires a period of more serious attention. i.e. hospitalisation.

[RoseB]

Sounds like my ex, we were together for 2 years. She tried to kill herself seriously twice, and took several other overdoses/serious self harm. Its not easy to help them, but you do the best you can. I didn't want to leave me BPDex because I was worried she would kill herself, so I stayed out of fear of the potential guilt I would feel if she did kill herself, I also felt I had to support her. My life was miserable during that time. Eventually she got out of the really bad period, and she stopped self harming and over dosing. We had a good period, but in the end I still left her because the issues never really go away. I'm happier for it now. It feels almost impossible to leave them when they are going through such a dark/unstable time so I feel for you.