Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 05, 2024, 03:11:35 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
How would a child understand?
Shame, a Powerful, Painful and Potentially Dangerous Emotion
Was Part of Your Childhood Deprived by Emotional Incest?
Have Your Parents Put You at Risk for Psychopathology
Resentment: Maybe She Was Doing the...
91
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
> Topic:
Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat? (Read 417 times)
Hopeful_Mom
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 23
Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
«
on:
December 27, 2015, 01:03:14 PM »
In 2010 things with my family of origin escalated so much that I was forced to go non-contact. I grieved the loss of each family member, and it was a difficult, yet healing time for me. Since then, I've noticed that my sister, who was always the golden child, seems to try to live my life. She goes to the same place that my family and I used to go for vacation, she is raising chickens (we did this after hatching eggs with the kids), her sons name rhymes with my sons name, and on Christmas Eve, I saw her at my church! These are just the things that I've noticed since we are no contact, but I have to wonder what else? This is so weird to me. Why would she do this? Does anyone else have a similar experience?
Logged
Kwamina
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 3535
Re: Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
«
Reply #1 on:
December 27, 2015, 01:15:20 PM »
Hi Hopeful_Mom
This does seem a bit weird indeed. When the two of you were growing up, did your sister at times perhaps also mimic or copy what you were doing?
I can imagine how strange it must have been seeing her at your church. Had she ever before visited your church or was this the first time? Does she usually go to church, not just on Christmas Eve but in general?
Logged
Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
busybee1116
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 607
Re: Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
«
Reply #2 on:
December 27, 2015, 02:03:13 PM »
I get the impression she's trying to maintain some contact with you, showing approval for your lifestyle by copying it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
On the other hand, my uBPDm does the chameleon quite a bit--she'll copy hairstyle, clothing, jewelry, interests of people she likes. I think she has so little sense of self and who she is that she will copy those she identifies with... .that week at least. Reminds me of that movie, Single White Female though.
Logged
isshebpd
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 199
Re: Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
«
Reply #3 on:
December 27, 2015, 02:19:50 PM »
I have experiences like this with both my uBPDmom and uPDbrother. I don't think they do it on purpose to be creepy. IMHO it's something hardwired in their brains and their poor sense of identity.
Even though I'm eight years older than my uPDbrother, he was making contact with my circle of friends when I was in my early 20s (and he was an young teen). He tried, despite his age, to get involved in organizations I was involved in. He also followed my clothing and music choices. I thought maybe he thought he was "being cool" and trying to impress his friends, but this was more than your typical mimicry.
uPDbrother has also copied our sister by riding a motorcycle after she started and buying the same car as her.
What my uBPDmother did when I was in university was beyond the pale. After I chose my major -- a subject which always fascinated me -- my uBPDmother registered as a student and took the same major. She already had an incomplete degree in another area of study (she stopped when she was pregnant with me).
BTW I was the sg and uPDbrother was the gc.
Logged
GeekyGirl
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 2816
Re: Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
«
Reply #4 on:
December 27, 2015, 02:43:47 PM »
I'll echo
busybee1116
and
issheBPD
-- I've heard that the golden child often struggles with finding a true sense of self, and can sometimes be a chameleon, trying on things that he/she has seen others do to try to form a separate identity. It used to drive me nuts that my golden child brother did a lot of the same things that I did too (played the same sports, bought the same model car, got engaged within a few months of my engagement, honeymooned in the same place, had a kid 10 months to the day after my DS was born).
I do think that my brother struggles with his own identity to some degree, and it's safer for him to take the paved road instead of making his own path. Sometimes I wonder if by taking the harder road if I've done myself a disservice, but at the same time, even though I've struggled at times, the struggles have more often led to better things. I also feel that as the "all-bad" child, I had to do things differently and be true to myself.
Do you think that your sister is trying to figure out who she is?
Logged
Hopeful_Mom
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 23
Re: Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
«
Reply #5 on:
December 28, 2015, 07:50:31 PM »
Thank you ALL for the helpful responses.
Kwamina,
My sister is 7 years younger than I. She did try to copy me a lot as a child, but we are decades past that. My church has multiple campuses. Christmas Eve was at the main campus (where we originally went). We go to a smaller satellite now, so I am not sure if my sister is a member there or not.
Busy Bee, Is She BPD and Geeky Girl
Thank you all for sharing. Glad that I am not alone is this weirdness.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
> Topic:
Golden Child trying to live the life of the Scape Goat?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...