Welcome! I'm sorry for your troubles and wish you the best of luck.
As many others on this forum will tell you there are some useful lessons to be read through on validating and from my point of view, boundary setting. I had the absue while I was at work too... .but quickly marked that our as a boundary. They may want to attack you when they are alone and you are away from them, but affecting your source of income is serious. If that isn't a clear boundary it can be a problem. I think you have to have a think about:
- What you can do to stop the spiralling (always tricky; validation doesn't always have the desired affect, requires practise and is entirely different for each person)
- Where the boundaries for you are
- What you will do if boundaries are broken
- Always have a exit strategy to get away if needed
- Who can he rely on other that you to discuss things with (obviously his psychiatrist is one)?
- Who can you rely on to discuss things with?
I personally have kept my family out of it. I don't want them having that impression of my partner... .we can forgive, sometimes families don't. Especially if they aren't very understanding of mental illness. But I have close friends and friends of hers I talk with. They give her alternate outlets for rationalising her emotions.
This is much easier said than done, but you have to remember some of the hate thrown at you isn't necessarily to do with you at all. It's about emotional immaturity leading to dysregulation. If depression from moving has caused this and he has overcome depression before, at least you can have hope he knows what to do and is well aware of the need to take care of his own mental health. That can be a huge struggle, so I'm happy for you and him that he is addressing that problem immediately. Keep battling and always take care of yourself first in this situation. You can't be strong and fight if you are crushed under the weight of this illness.
All the best
