Reflecting one year's time

[LifeExperience]

Was thinking the past couple days how different my life was a year ago. My relationship ended in June 2014. We continued to talk and would see each other every few weeks, where she would try and reconcile or in handling the responsibility of our once shared dog. Even last year for new year holiday, I was watching our dog for the weekend. She and I stopped talking around April 2015. I knew she was seeing a guy, which actually made me relieved that she might latch onto someone else. Well she has, and in less than a year's time they are already spending Christmas together(I still follow her on social media.)  She posted something that said, "that it had been a great week with the blank family"  In a way it's relieving still to see her occupied with someone else, yet it also feels bittersweet. I just can't believe how fast this woman moves. I assume everything isn't roses with their relationship, but there's always a doubt that lingers. Maybe I was the one that showed her how to behave normally in a relationship... .


Thanks for listening and Happy New Year  

[thisworld]

Do you conclude from her FB page that she is behaving normally? Maybe that's her normalcy pot? 

[LifeExperience]

Actually on Instagram is where we remain friends. About 3 months ago she deleted all her photos of her and the boyfriend. Probably around 6 or 7 photos of them doing various things since they began dating. Happened right after they were on vacation together. I realized she had done this after I got a missed phone call from her. Then wondered what was up and saw she did a massive wipe of their time together. Within a couple days she put a slew of old photos up, one after another of them together. My brain understands the instability that probably exists between her and the new boyfriend, somehow I can't reconcile that with what my heart tells me. Anyone else still follow their ex's on social media and see similar behavior?

[NCEA]

Hell no. Block, delete, unfollow, NC!

Why would you keep following up on thrm, at least until you'd be totally indifferent ?

[FrenchConnection]

It has been 1 year for me of no contact now with my exBPD girlfriend.  I don't follow her or have any news about her.  I figure she has someone new and has moved on, which is exactly what i want.  My life is much better, sane, and healthier without her being a part of it.  There is nothing we can do to change their behaviour or way of thinking.

The only hope is that they finally get the right help and the right treatment.  But that has to come from their initiative and not ours.

Here is to a great 2016.  Keep moving forward.  No looking back.

[LifeExperience]

I pretty much feel indifferent the majority of time NCEA. Part of the issue is at least 10 of my friends still follow her and viceaversa. Which feels like we will always be connected, since I won't dictate how my friends use their social media. That part still bugs me, and for that reason I'd rather keep tabs on her than hear something through the grapevine. Another reason might be for the confirmation the diagnosis of BPD. When I see her behavior such as deleting photos to erase the past, it bolsters my thought of our relationship. Also morbidly curious how her relationship turns out. While I promptly unfollowed all her friends, pretty much all of hers still follow me. Probably the same morbid curiosity about me. Way too in depth about social media and it's meaning  


I mostly miss the companionship of the relationship at this point. Knowing that what we had was not healthy for me. Moving forward FrenchConnection!

[Herodias]

" Also morbidly curious how her relationship turns out."

Boy do I understand this one! I did finally stop though... .I decided I know the ending, it's just a matter of when it will happen. I am not sure I can handle seeing his baby when it's born in the spring. We divorce soon. I think you are just convincing yourself of all of this. It's hard to let go. I was there too. I can't believe how fast they move either - just remember it's not healthy and it is not what healthy people do. That's why It won't work. You may have taught her some things, but being healthy isn't one. Mine would not act normal no matter how hard his family and I tried to teach him and tell him. I don't understand how he is remaining out of trouble now, but I know it won't last. I ended up deleting all of his friends and family on FB... .I know his Mother is not happy with me about it, but I told her I needed to do it to help myself. You may want to do this as well. I know Facebook is fake book- don't take it to seriously. I almost with it was never invented. Its a good and bad thing really. Bad in breakups

[bAlex]

I just can't believe how fast this woman moves.

I know what you mean. Just goes to show how shallow their emotions are. My ex has the extraordinary ability to fall in and out of love as easy as 123. There's very little, if any, depth to these ppl.

[LifeExperience]

Herodias, I think you are partly right about not being completely out of the woods yet. However a huge chunk of it stems from detaching from our shared dog. Sad that I left that little girl, and with my close friend having a brother from the same liter it's something that I will always be reminded of   I think I looked at my decision to give her custody of the dog as a survival instinct at the time. Had to cut off my arm to get out of our  ___ed up relationship. Might be one of those regrets that I end up never giving up on.

And to your other point Blue, I am waiting for the proposal post. I feel it coming in the not too distant future. That one again I think I'll feel relief about. Her eventual babies might do me wrong, which is what you are going through.

Yeah agree Alex. One of the unfulfilling aspects of our relationship, was I felt she lacked depth in the sense of loving. It all hinged on her mood at the time. Dark days/episodes with her felt like I was isolated on Antartica.

[willtimeheal]

I get it Lifeexperience,

I sometimes check social media too.  One reason is I don't want to be blindsided hearing about her engagement or anything like that. I am a year and a half out of a six year bod relationship. Also something g tornados in your first post hit home... .That you somehow gave her gentlemanly be normal in this relationship.

I wander that too from time to time. I discuss it in therapy all the time. I know she isn't all of a sudden "normal" but just having her relationship all apart would just give me that extra piercing validation.  Crazy I know. But I totally understand what you are saying.

[LifeExperience]

Herodias, I think you are partly right about not being completely out of the woods yet. However a huge chunk of it stems from detaching from our shared dog. Sad that I left that little girl, and with my close friend having a brother from the same liter it's something that I will always be reminded of   I think I looked at my decision to give her custody of the dog as a survival instinct at the time. Had to cut off my arm to get out of our  ed up relationship. Might be one of those regrets that I end up never giving up on.

And to your other point Blue, I am waiting for the proposal post. I feel it coming in the not too distant future. That one again I think I'll feel relief about. Her eventual babies might do me wrong, which is what you are going through. Hugs Blue



Whoops, didn't mean to quote. Yeah though Will, not wanting to be blindsided is the ultimate reason. Aside from a few close friends, I didn't tell the full extent of the turmoil of our relationship to others. That's why I believe some still follow her. And although I'm pretty sure you didn't mean to say tornadoes. Boy does that ever summarize our relationship. I was always waiting for the next tornado to touch down or avoid it by placating to her every need. The analogy of a natural disaster to BPD surprisingly is damn accurate. They seemingly come out of nowhere when you think everything is going smoothly. Not caused by you and completely out of your control. Man it feels great to be emancipated from such a torturous existence!

[LifeExperience]

Whoops, didn't mean to quote. Yeah though Will, not wanting to be blindsided is the ultimate reason. Aside from a few close friends, I didn't tell the full extent of the turmoil of our relationship to others. That's why I believe some still follow her. And although I'm pretty sure you didn't mean to say tornadoes. Boy does that ever summarize our relationship. I was always waiting for the next tornado to touch down or avoid it by placating to her every need. The analogy of a natural disaster to BPD surprisingly damn accurate. They seemingly come out of nowhere when you think everything is going smoothly. Not caused by you and completely out of your control. Man it feels great to be emancipated from such a torturous existence!

[willtimeheal]

Life,

I just read what I wrote and realized I really need to proofread before I hit post. Auto correct does some serious damage .

I know what happened had to do with her mental illness but she just "looks" so happy now with the replacement. She sent me a text right after I walked away... .She thanked me for helping her get to this point in her life. She felt she was finally in a good place and I helped her get there.

That text stung... .and I often wonder if I somehow helped her "get normal."  Crazy, I know but seeing the relationship with my replacement would just give me that validation that it wasn't me... .I know it wasn't me... .but it would be nice to have it reinforced.

I get what you are saying.