I did a very stupid thing

[blackbirdsong]

New Years Eve. Went to the friends place where he organized a party. After few drinks and when our song started... . I broke NC after two months. Told her that I still love her, that NC phase was very difficult, that I am still struggling, a lot of emotional messages that I now consider stupid. It was really my 'emotionally weakness' moment. Fed her need definitely.

She responded immediately. Told me that she still misses me. That I hurt her when I left but she doesn't blame me. Several additional things that I now recognize as BPD patterns.

We wished each other a happy new year and take care wishes.

But... .There was something left in the air... .Like she was expecting me to come back... .

Now I am really upset. I thought that I was doing just fine in my recovery process. I know that is not a linear process... .

I am also worried now that I planted additional ideas to her that is not over.

I read a lot of scary stuff here about BPD actions when they don't get what they want and it makes me a bit scared... .

Really stupid move... .

[Mutt]

Hi blackbirdsong,

Don't be hard on yourself. I think NC is not a hard and fast rule. I would feel scared too with all of the different stories on the boards. You know her better than anyone. Is she capable of the more extreme circumstances?

[Herodias]

Wait and see what happens... .Mine would say stuff and then the next day forget about it or say he didn't really mean it. Maybe she was out as well? Maybe she knows you were drunk and may have not meant it? Hard to tell... .see what happens. You could just say you were caught up in the moment as well... .you never know what they think.