Final curtain

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex declared to me a few weeks ago that she didn't want any further contact from out of the blue. This was 3 days after she took me out for my birthday. This has been an on and mostly off 8 year relationship. We were in the "friend zone*" for a while. Then about 10 days of NC lead to a holiday party where I was told by her friend my ex would not be attending. I came a bit late and Leeza was there and she appeared to be intoxicated. She was dancing around in a manic sort of way (she is usually quite low key in a crowd) she brought her dance partner in front of me and started kissing him. A little later she came over to where I was talking to a co worker ( this was an office party) and started talking about how the size of my genitals weren't as large as her new bf. I had no clue she had a new bf.

For me, this is the end. Since we have been in the friend zone for a while , you might think this wouldn't hurt as much as when it did after one of our multiple intimate periods. However, it seems very deep and final. I realize now this woman is deeply wounded , I'll and without boundaries. She has admitted to being diagnosed bipolar but now I gain perspective of the past several years and the research of BPD it is apparent to me she has many traits of BPD.                                             

[Tommytwo]

My ex declared to me a few weeks ago that she didn't want any further contact from out of the blue. This was 3 days after she took me out for my birthday. This has been an on and mostly off 8 year relationship. We were in the "friend zone*" for a while. Then about 10 days of NC lead to a holiday party where I was told by her friend my ex would not be attending. I came a bit late and Leeza was there and she appeared to be intoxicated. She was dancing around in a manic sort of way (she is usually quite low key in a crowd) she brought her dance partner in front of me and started kissing him. A little later she came over to where I was talking to a co worker ( this was an office party) and started talking about how the size of my genitals weren't as large as her new bf. I had no clue she had a new bf.

For me, this is the end. Since we have been in the friend zone for a while , you might think this wouldn't hurt as much as when it did after one of our multiple intimate periods. However, it seems very deep and final. I realize now this woman is deeply wounded , I'll and without boundaries. She has admitted to being diagnosed bipolar but now I gain perspective of the past several years and the research of BPD it is apparent to me she has many traits of BPD.                                             

[JaneStorm]

Welcome, Tommy. You are in excellent company here. There are very wise moderators and good reading material for support.

Have you entered any type of counseling for yourself?

[Euler2718]

That's not just inconsiderate behavior, it's MEAN. Gross! You can do better, once you're healed.

[Tommytwo]

Jane

I have resumed with my T. I am determined to let go of this 8 year relationship. I feel like I'm coming out of the love fog. I can see with more clarity the many aspects of the emotionally abusive behavior she exhibited toward me. I have alot to work through to get over my white knight self delusional behaviors. I use the metaphor of closing the curtain. The "show" is over and its time to go home.

[JaneStorm]

Jane

I have resumed with my T. I am determined to let go of this 8 year relationship. I feel like I'm coming out of the love fog. I can see with more clarity the many aspects of the emotionally abusive behavior she exhibited toward me. I have alot to work through to get over my white knight self delusional behaviors. I use the metaphor of closing the curtain. The "show" is over and its time to go home.

I have always known I had Hero Complex too. It was something I had been proud of. Only NOW at age 48, do I realize I invite the wrong men to me with it.  Did I mention that I am a late bloomer? Hahaha

[Invictus01]

Personality disorders are often misdiagnosed for bipolar for one reason or another.

This being said, I have always had a rule for myself not to be involved with anybody who has a mental illness whether it is bipolar or schizophrenic or whatever else it might be. When my ex unveiled to me that her brother out of nowhere had a mental breakdown in college (so, a few years ago), ended up in a hospital for weeks and was diagnosed as bipolar (with something else added to it, don't remember), I almost walked away because I was wondering if that runs in her family, what are the chances that something might show up in her. Please remind me not to break that rule again.

[apollotech]

Jane

I have resumed with my T. I am determined to let go of this 8 year relationship. I feel like I'm coming out of the love fog. I can see with more clarity the many aspects of the emotionally abusive behavior she exhibited toward me. I have alot to work through to get over my white knight self delusional behaviors. I use the metaphor of closing the curtain. The "show" is over and its time to go home.

Yes, and the further you get away from the relationship the clearer your understanding will get as to what/who you were actually dealing with.

Bipolar is the most common misdiagnosis for BPD because the clinicians cannot see the triggers, just the wide swings from idealization (abandonment) to devaluation (engulfment). Also, there are insurance concerns as many insurance providers do not cover treatment/health issues/counseling related to BPD. My BPDexGF, according to her, had been diagnosed as bipolar after a suicide attempt. I never saw her in a manic or depressive state the whole time we were together; I did, however, see her gyrate between engulfment and abandonment issues with several different people, myself included. She was not taking medications for her diagnosed bipolar disorder while we were together; she had been on bipolar medications months prior to our relationship. ("The medications didn't help me.", quote from her.) She was correct of course, because she wasn't bipolar at all.

[Tommytwo]

My very first gf , in high school, had a schizophrenic onset just as we graduated. I remember visiting her in the hospital and the impact it had on me as a 18 to. I've had the hero complex since, thinking I could rescue people. I've been a Rehabilitation counselor my entire career and I've been attracted to "wounded" women all along. However this last one was the ultimate injured bird. For the great majority of the 8 years ,  she was mostly pleasant except for the frequent sarcasm which I tolerated ( I have a high threshold  in this regard). So this final discard last month came like a hurricane. I had no clue she was about to make a final break and do it in the malicious way she did it. I've done some serious introspection with my T's guidance these past few weeks. It is truly heartbreaking but I'm starting to enter a new stage of resolution to move forward and retrieve my self respect and salvage my life from this point.