Sister sufferings from BPD/ Family at a loss on how to help

[DarcyMB]

My sister has been a source of negativity and conflict in our family for years. I am the oldest, she is the middle child and there is a third sister younger than her. We are 37, 35 and 33. Recently things have been the worst they have ever been. After a series of attempts to tell her how concerned we are about her as a family she pushed us away. She has accused of not being there for her but then tells us she can deal with things herself. She is going to get help for depression but through the research my mom and I have done, we are 100% confident that she suffers from BPD. I don't think the treatment will be adequate and my mom wants her to go to something in patient. We have contacted her doctor to make sure he understands the full picture but know things can't be discussed due to hippy laws. After all the reading I have done, I know my family is not equipped with the right tools to communicate effectively with her. My youngest sister and I recently cut all communication with her because it was unhealthy for all involved. I know it's going to be a lot of work for the family and we have our first support group and counseling meeting next week. Looking for advise on how to let go of the hurtful words and be the listener and not the fixer. To say my family and I are exhausted in dealing with her doesn't even give justice to the years of frustration we have gone through. Understanding BPD in the reading I have done over the past few days seems like opening a door to resolution if we can get there. Thanks in advance for the support and feedback!

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome DarcyMB! 

Sounds like your family has had their hands full for quite some time. I'm very sorry that you have had to struggle with this. Dealing with a BPD family member makes all of life so complicated whenever you need to deal with them. It sounds like you are taking the right steps through educating yourselves and upcoming therapy. Kudos to you to recognise that there are things you can do to help.  In addition, joining us here will provide you with lots of helpful information plus the freedom to ask questions and find listening ears as needed.

My mom was an uBPD. She never thought she had a problem as most BPD's don't. You will need to learn to establish boundaries when appropriate, and remember that the boundaries will be for you as a BPD will not respect them. Value yourselves and your own health.

Have you read any helpful books about. BPD? There is a book section here at BPD Central where you can find good reviews on books which have been helpful to our members. The list to the right is a great place to start digging deeper into understanding BPD. --------->

How soon do you have your first T session? Do you know if the T is familiar with BPD?

Keep us informed!


Wools

[Kwamina]

Hi DarcyMB

I am sorry you are having these problems with your sister. BPD is a challenging disorder and dealing with a BPD family-member can be quite difficult indeed.

What traits do you see in your sister that lead you to believe she has BPD?

You say recently things have been the worst you've ever seen. Could you tell us a bit more about this? What has your sister been doing lately?

Wools has already pointed you to some great resources to help you get started here. To help you communicate with your sister it can be very helpful to look at the various communication techniques described on this website and the material about things we can do ourselves to end the cycle of conflict. I have selected some resources for you:

Ending the cycle of conflict and dysfunction

Communication Skills - Validation

Express yourself - S.E.T.: Support, Empathy, Truth

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily