List the things you won't miss

[Lonely_Astro]

I've kind of avoided this thread, but the one that stands out in my head today:

Hearing "I'm a smart and capable adult!" (always exactly when she was least acting like a smart and capable adult)

Yep, I got a variation of that one myself on a regular basis, too.  I think it was her telling me so she could hear herself saying it.

I always liked the "I didn't do anything wrong" one too. When, in fact, she had just done something "wrong" and was covering herself from any guilt/shame.  It got to the point when she would say that, I would say to myself "well, I guess I'll figure/find out what it was you did in a few days/weeks."   Pretty much, I had a 9/10 success rate with that.  Sad.

[MapleBob]

Hearing "I'm a smart and capable adult!" (always exactly when she was least acting like a smart and capable adult)

Yep, I got a variation of that one myself on a regular basis, too.  I think it was her telling me so she could hear herself saying it.

Exactly! Like a self-affirmation, usually predicated by me really hitting the nail on the head about something in regards to her behavior. It's the adult equivalent of "nuh uh!"

[thisworld]

I won't miss reading everything in this thread and thinking "did everyone here date my guy?" I'd like my next relationship to be bit less scripted and more unique to us, please.

[Driver]

I won't miss:

-suicide threats

-ruining my life threats

-ruining my career threats

-walking on eggshells

-draining my energy

-leading me to depression

-paranoid accusations

[Driver]

I won't miss reading everything in this thread and thinking "did everyone here date my guy?" I'd like my next relationship to be bit less scripted and more unique to us, please.

Lol, no, I dated a girl. 

[Rmbrworst]

I won't miss him discarding me every 6 weeks and running back to his "ex" every time. 

[lingering]

Nice topic!  This site is so helpful!

I won't miss his pouting

I won't miss him making himself less than

I won't miss him asking my permission for things - like I am his mommy.

I won't miss his messy chaotic style in my home

I won't miss his doing things to trap me in our relationship

I won't miss feeling embarrassed that he is my husband

I won't miss the rage

I won't miss the denial of reality

I won't miss the silence that is just so loaded with unspoken SOMETHING

I won't miss the call to read his mind

I won't miss the dread that he will wake up before I have had some quiet time.

I won't miss his constant chatter when I am trying to read

I won't miss his complete lack of interest in me

I won't miss his complaining about his body, the neighbors, the VA or ____________ (anything is worthy of complaint)

I won't miss his sullenness

I won't miss his ignorance

I won't miss him saying nothing is wrong when there is definitely something wrong.

I won't miss his kids who ignore us

I won't miss trying to repair his broken relationships with his family

I won't miss being afraid of when he will go off

I won't miss his rude behavior to people on the phone

I won't miss his unending depression

I won't miss his disgusting and immature humor

I won't miss him sending "I'm desperate for sex" signals.

I will definitely not miss the drama.

I will not miss the cycle of offense, rage, stormy silence where he is YELLING without a word being said, tears and confessions of loving me 'so much' and then waiting until it happens again.  No more drama cycles - Hooray!

I don't really think I will miss him.  I want the best for him but I don't want him in my life at all. 

My intention today is to find a place to rent, make a plan for leaving, tell him and move.  Throughout all of this I intend to trust God that everything is already in perfect order.  He will be fine.  I will be fine.  I will have my life back.  Oh, I can hardly wait!

[Narkiss]

--Broken promises

--Not-so-estranged wife

--Chaos

--Sabotaging

--Constant feel of anxiety

--Controlling behavior

--Disappearing act whenever I was upset at something in relationship

--Disappearing act whenever I expressed a desire

--Sexual dysfunction

--Beautiful words that meant nothing

--Selfishness

--Preoccupation with what he was thinking, feeling, doing

--Preoccupation with making mistakes

--Nothing ever adding up

--Not being able to count on most of what he said

--Projecting

--Ugly and bitter rage directed at people who did nothing to him

--Grandiosity and arrogance

[Michelle27]

So many things here ring true for me, but one overriding thing that I won't miss is the daily pit in my stomach of anxiety as I drove home from work wondering what kind of mood he was in.  Sometimes I'd call from work at the end of my day or text something to read into his reply or hear in his voice if we were on the way towards a rage.  Sometimes I wouldn't know until I got home and saw that horrible tightness in his jaw that actually changed how he looked and made me nauseous with anxiety.  Worse was when I had something good... .a trip with a friend or one of my kids to see a concert or my once a year trip away and I knew I'd come back to him in full blown rage.  Getting away was what I needed to recover from daily stress, but coming back sometimes made me feel it wasn't worth it and I got to the point of having trouble enjoying the time away from BPD-land because I knew what I was in store for when I got back.

[C.Stein]

So many things here ring true for me, but one overriding thing that I won't miss is the daily pit in my stomach of anxiety as I drove home from work wondering what kind of mood he was in. 

I also had this daily pit of anxiety ... .fear ... .but it wasn't necessarily due to my ex's moods (her being an inward waif mostly) but rather fear/anxiety of her doing something impulsive or making "good" on her subtle or not so subtle threats.  I remember one time driving over to her place I was literally shaking with fear/anxiety of what I might find when I arrived. 

[SamwizeGamgee]

If / when I ever get free, I won't miss the constant rule that "She's not happy unless I'm not happy!"

[JaneStorm]

I won’t miss:

-   Him taking all of my virtues and twisting them to be nefarious

   Community volunteering work I do

   Open dialogue with my children

   Victim advocacy

-   Feeling unease when things are going ‘normal’, knowing that it means he is cheating

-   I won’t miss starving myself to emaciation because he sickens me with his betrayal

-   I won’t miss my friends’ love and attention anymore because I am free

-   Fake sickness to keep me from family and friends

-   Suffocating and clingy attention

-   Obsessive texting, emails, and phone calls

-   Tracking devices on my phone to see where I am at all times

   Raging and accusing me if the app did not refresh after stewing for days

-   Irrational responses for no reason

-   Insatiable need for female attention

-   Lack of eye contact

-   Creepy posture; always

-   Mumbling conversation

-   Body language looking away when I drive

-   Not looking at the road when he is driving

-   Unreasonable LOVE BOMBING

-   Irrational contempt of my lifelong friends

-   Leering at women – including my close friends

-   Openly lusting after barely legal girls

-   Keeping ‘satellite’ women in his electronic closet

-   Lying to my face with more ease than telling any small truth

-   Envy of my adult sons

-   His toddler-like tantrums

-   His cold silence and pouting while curled in a fetal position

[howardghost]

Best Post Ever!  Can't believe you all knew my girlfriend so well.  She was a real mess, but I loved her.  Don't worry about her, she is gone forever. She finally found the peace she always wanted.  Sometimes I miss her.  Sometimes it hurts.  But most of all I won't miss being in an impossible relationship with the wrong person.  Just like you, I deserve better too!

Thank you for sharing.