Ran into BPDex - feeling very sad

[OutofTheWoods]

So I ran into my ex a few days ago on the street- the first time I've been face to face in about 3 years. I was on the phone listening to someone, but looked at him right in the eye as I passed. He seemed very uncomfortable to see me, as though he wanted to run, but it was only a few seconds.

I thought about how I felt when I drove home, and overall I was ok and glad that I did not say anything to him. However, since then I have been feeling very sad, like the hurt has all come back. He has been married to my replacement for about 2.5 years, who actually started following me on social media right after I saw him... .I feel like I cannot get away from them both and like the memories are all around me, lurking  

Can anyone else attest to how long it took you to genuinely feel healed and not be so affected?

[valet]

That sounds tough, OutofTheWoods. I get what you mean when you say that it feels like you can't get away. Embracing and learning to live with those memories is really hard. And there's no erasing them. It looks like your boundaries were really strong there, though.

Healing is a long and complicated process. Two steps forward, one step back. Where do you think that you are?

[shatra]

Out of the woods wrote

He has been married to my replacement for about 2.5 years, who actually started following me on social media right after I saw him... .I feel like I cannot get away from them both and like the memories are all around me, lurking

-----That means he told her he saw you... .which means it had an effect on him too... .and an effect on her. She may be jealous.

-----How do u know she is following you on social media?

[OutofTheWoods]

Hi there,

Thanks for your replies. I feel like I am relapsing pretty hard now - old emotions coming back for some air time :/

The first year or so I was more numb than anything, it was like I both couldn't and wouldn't feel what happened. Then I went through the anger and acceptance stage, and now I am back in grief after running into him.

I got notifications on both my FB and Ig that she followed me... .

[HostNoMore]

It's OK to feel sad as these are very traumatic relationships.  I'm a little over four years out myself.

A couple of months ago I almost ran into mine at a convenience store.  I am driving a different car now than when she knew me.  I had the convertible top down, and I had to pass by her to leave the store.  She recognized me and made haste to leave so I guess my sun glasses did not do the trick.  

She was rapidly trying to catch up to me in traffic.  My car is very fast so I punched the accelerator to lose her then made a quick lane change to enter a very bad neighborhood to escape her.

My main emotion was fear of wrecking the NC that I spent so much effort in creating.  It took about 2.5 years before she finally ceased contacting me.  Everything from trying to get me to cheat to doing things for her kids were her pretexts.

[OutofTheWoods]

Thanks for your support 

I hope that one day I can really be over it and not wondering what is or was going through his mind.

The fact that his wife is suddenly following me on social media and becoming a part of my professional social circle by pursuing my line of work makes me wonder if it's some weird indirect triangulation in the works or if insecurity just attracts more insecurity :/