Newcomer

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am not used to using a message board. I'm 50+ year old only child, male. I've only recently been able to face the fact that, since I was a young child, I was subjected to emotional incest (as they call it) by my mother. And this has come about only after I placed her (with her consent) in a nursing home. Looking out for myself has become a challenge I'm not used to. Prior it seemed that in everything it was "take care of Mama and she'll take care of me." I separated from my wife about 3 years ago and am living alone (I have no children).

  I'm curious to see what I might learn from others as I read the message board.

[RockyA]

I am not used to using a message board. I'm 50+ year old only child, male. I've only recently been able to face the fact that, since I was a young child, I was subjected to emotional incest (as they call it) by my mother. And this has come about only after I placed her (with her consent) in a nursing home. Looking out for myself has become a challenge I'm not used to. Prior it seemed that in everything it was "take care of Mama and she'll take care of me." I separated from my wife about 3 years ago and am living alone (I have no children).

  I'm curious to see what I might learn from others as I read the message board.

[Turkish]

Hello RockyA,



I'm glad you reached out to us, as there are many here who may have similar stories.

How did you come to the realization that you were enmeshed in emotional incest? Have you seen the article we have at the top of the board? Many of us struggle with looking out for ourselves, especially if we were in a dnamic of caring for others for so long. It sounds like you may be struggling with a promise that may have been made explicitly or implicitly.

I hope to hear more and his we can support you.

Turkish

[Kwamina]

Hi RockyA

I would like to join Turkish in welcoming you to bpdfamily. That article he talks about is very insightful.

Dealing with a disordered parent can be quite difficult. Especially when you have lived a certain way all your life and have always been subjected to a BPD environment, it can be very hard to really see that there might be something wrong in your family. Even when you don't really like how things are, it's still basically all you know and are used to.

Could you perhaps tell us a bit more about your experiences with your mother? In what ways do you know believe you have been subjected to emotional abuse by your mother?

You also mention separating from your wife 3 years ago. Knowing what you now know about your mother, looking back at things do you perhaps feel like the emotional incest contributed to the separation from your wife?

[Ziggiddy]

Hi RockyA 

What a courageous thing for you to face and work out. Emotional incest is a painful thing and leads to a great loss of personal identity. It never fails to amaze me how many people only see this in their 40's and 50's (I'm 47) In some ways this is an advantage because we are more sensible but in others it is not. Learning new coping skills can be that much harder.

Is there anything specific that you find harder because of your previous engulfment? Anything that you are finding more pleasurable since the change in your living circumstances?

it would be interesting to hear

Ziggiddy