Very confused please help

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well my ex BPD gf and l have been broken up for 7 months and nc for 6 months  and a week before Xmas she sent me a text msg at 11pm simply saying "hey... ."  inever replied to her but it's still on my mind what she wanted.  The other thing is only a few day again ipasted her in the street and she didn't even wave to me or anything just turned the other way,  iIdidn't get why she would msg me and then completely ingore me,  ifeel she's doing things to see if iIwill pull up and talk to her aswell,  that day she msgs me she pulled up and a shop just around the corner from my place when she had seen me pull out behind her,  i didn't stop the i just kept driving and again iIfeel she done it again the other day when she didn't wave to me at all,  is this normal for people with BPD?

[helpmewithbpd]

Well my ex BPD gf and l have been broken up for 7 months and nc for 6 months  and a week before Xmas she sent me a text msg at 11pm simply saying "hey... ."  inever replied to her but it's still on my mind what she wanted.  The other thing is only a few day again ipasted her in the street and she didn't even wave to me or anything just turned the other way,  iIdidn't get why she would msg me and then completely ingore me,  ifeel she's doing things to see if iIwill pull up and talk to her aswell,  that day she msgs me she pulled up and a shop just around the corner from my place when she had seen me pull out behind her,  i didn't stop the i just kept driving and again iIfeel she done it again the other day when she didn't wave to me at all,  is this normal for people with BPD?

[hopealways]

This is exactly why BPD behavior is crazy making. They are irrational, unpredictable, and we go nuts trying to figure them out, hence this forum.  Don't try to make sense of them, just know they will be like this forever.

[helpmewithbpd]

One of my close friends said that she is probably wanting to get your attention,  and definitely wanting me to stop and talk to her,  I think his right,  iIjust don't understand she has a new partner now so why would she bother with me at all anyway

[fromheeltoheal]

Think attachments with borderlines.  You were and attachment, the new partner is an attachment, and a borderline never wants to lose any attachment.  It could be as simple as testing to see if an emotional attachment is still in place with you, in which case she can turn to you for soothing if she needs it, or it could have been she needed soothing at that moment, for whatever reason, and tried you.  And had you responded, or met her in public, the interaction could have gone as if nothing ever happened between you, there's right here and right now, and there's either an attachment in place or there isn't.

And since you say "it's still on my mind" then there is still an attachment there for you, so best to do what's right for you, which includes not letting the wondering what she meant swim around in your head, better to replace those thoughts with thoughts of your bright future.  Take care of you!

[helpmewithbpd]

So do you think because iIdidn't reply she has again painted me black simply because i wasn't there for her?

[fromheeltoheal]

So do you think because iIdidn't reply she has again painted me black simply because i wasn't there for her?

She can paint you black or white whether you are "there for her" or not; that is something you can't control, but what you can control is what it means to you.  It's best to work on shifting the focus from her to you and from the past to the future, as you create the life of your dreams, and that is best done by creating a vision for that life that is so strong it pulls you towards it.

The past will pull you to it right now, so we get to work twice as hard moving away from it and towards a future we want to live.  What does that look like for you hmwb?

[helpmewithbpd]

Well I thought it was looking very good iseemed to of moved on a little,  but sense she wrote to me iIfeel like I'm wanting her back in my life again,  I'm really struggling to forget about the msg and keep hoping she may call,  iIknow deep down that's a bad thing and iIreally don't want that I'm just struggling with the whole heart verses my head.

[Knight]

I made the mistake of trying to reconnect after 7 months NC and it felt so right and so good, but then it turned into chaos and the same ole craziness and I regret trying to reconnect.  I am thankful that now I KNOW there is no hope.  I can't ever make the mistake again.  But be certain; in my case it was a huge mistake to try to reconnect !

[fromheeltoheal]

Well I thought it was looking very good iseemed to of moved on a little,  but sense she wrote to me iIfeel like I'm wanting her back in my life again,  I'm really struggling to forget about the msg and keep hoping she may call,  iIknow deep down that's a bad thing and iIreally don't want that I'm just struggling with the whole heart verses my head.

Yes, I understand hmwb.  Instead of trying to forget about the message, how about asking how can you use it?  When things like this happen it's a great opportunity to check in with ourselves to see how we're doing with our detachment and if we need to be doing anything differently or better.  Or maybe what we need to do is just continue to process what we're going through, we're on the right track, and recommit to it with renewed intensity.  Say to yourself aloud I am DONE with this relationship and I will NOT let it get in my way any more, I AM doing what is right for me and I'm going to continue doing, no matter what.

It's common for folks here to say they struggle with the heart vs the head, it's a common symptom of detachment, so it's helpful to do what we know is right in our head with extra effort and commitment, as we move away from the past and into the future, and eventually your heart will align with your head, thank it even, because the direction you chose was right for you, and you'll fall in love with yourself all over again.  Take care of you!