Making an appointment for my mother

[Aiga]

I would like to schedule an appointment with a therapist trained in dialectical behavioral therapy for my mother.

I know this may not be the most conventional approach to ask to schedule an appointment for another person but I am concerned for my mother and her well being.

My brother and I would attend a consultation with her if necessary but we need to make this move now to get her the help she needs.

What can we do?

[Skip]

Is she willing to go?

[Kwamina]

Hi Aiga

It's clear that you care about your mother and are wanting to get her the help she needs. Could you tell us a bit more about why you are concerned for her and her well-being? What are the behaviors she exhibits that concern you so?

Has your mother been officially diagnosed with BPD or perhaps another disorder? Has she ever gotten help before?

Dialectical behavior Therapy (DBT) has been proven to be effective for certain people with BPD. Through hard it can be possible for people with BPD to learn to better manage their difficult thoughts and emotions, resulting in improved behavior. For this to happen it is essential that the person acknowledges that she/he has a problem and fully commits to working on these issues. Do you believe your mother acknowledges her issues? Has she expressed being open to therapy?

Welcome to bpdfamily and I'm hoping to read more of your story later.

Take care

[ijustwantpeace]

Does your mom have any friends or other people she can talk to?  I have asked my mother for years to make friends, get married, talk to a pastor, or get a therapist to no avail.  I realize she likes the way she is and lives in denial about how her high conflict behavior affects the rest of the family.  I could be half dead in the hospital so long as she is getting the attention she craves she does not care.

She has blocked every attempt for me to move away and have my own life.  Don't make the mistake of thinking you can fix her.  Her brother has the same problem and his son become a drug addict to cope his his dad's behavior.  They will drag you down, deplete, you emotionally, financially and finally physically.

Find and escape path at least 1,000 miles away.  No sense in waiting your life on them.  Move on and be happy you have my blessing.  Not your job to parent your mom.  I have done that too.

[Turkish]

Hello Aiga,

How old is your mother? You think she has BPD. What have you and your brother been dealing with, and is there any history of mental health treatment?

Turkish

[Aiga]

Is she willing to go?

Hi and I'm so sorry for a delay in replying. She will not go unless we set something up for her and do it in a family setting. Even that will be tough. She has pretended to be "going to a therapist" for sometime but our entire family does not believe it to be true. Her illness is getting worse. And as many of you may know she's very hot or cold with certain family members.

[Aiga]

Hi Aiga

It's clear that you care about your mother and are wanting to get her the help she needs. Could you tell us a bit more about why you are concerned for her and her well-being? What are the behaviors she exhibits that concern you so?

Has your mother been officially diagnosed with BPD or perhaps another disorder? Has she ever gotten help before?

Dialectical behavior Therapy (DBT) has been proven to be effective for certain people with BPD. Through hard it can be possible for people with BPD to learn to better manage their difficult thoughts and emotions, resulting in improved behavior. For this to happen it is essential that the person acknowledges that she/he has a problem and fully commits to working on these issues. Do you believe your mother acknowledges her issues? Has she expressed being open to therapy?

Welcome to bpdfamily and I'm hoping to read more of your story later.

Take care

Kwamina thanks for replying. No official diagnosis other than my prev therapist mentioning the possibility and my wife being a psychotherapist herself (clinical social worker). I really wish my mother could commit to understanding her issues. My thoughts are that she has an underlying depression as well.

The behaviors she exhibits are that she is overreactive, ultra dramatic, we can't tell if her emotions are real at times, she has broken numerous friendships and family ties, cold, extremely offensive to my family members and others, verbally abusive to my father and my brother and his wife (+ all family members). She is generally always on the offense or on the defense with someone. She feels attacked. She has threatened to "leave this place forever". Hurtful comments, deceptive, one-sided thinking, inconsistent behavior, mood swings, crying and then extremely happy and then angry again. Tries to get others to pin people against my brother and I. Generally crazy (ergh... .).

But guess what we love her. She needs help and we can't find the right person or resource to help us.

[Aiga]

Does your mom have any friends or other people she can talk to?  I have asked my mother for years to make friends, get married, talk to a pastor, or get a therapist to no avail.  I realize she likes the way she is and lives in denial about how her high conflict behavior affects the rest of the family.  I could be half dead in the hospital so long as she is getting the attention she craves she does not care.

She has blocked every attempt for me to move away and have my own life.  Don't make the mistake of thinking you can fix her.  Her brother has the same problem and his son become a drug addict to cope his his dad's behavior.  They will drag you down, deplete, you emotionally, financially and finally physically.

Find and escape path at least 1,000 miles away.  No sense in waiting your life on them.  Move on and be happy you have my blessing.  Not your job to parent your mom.  I have done that too.

She does talk to "people" , but she never confirms who she talks to. I totally get you on craving the attention! It's wild... .I don't want to parent my mom but I'm finally at a stage in my life where I've matured and want to do something for her. I was no perfect child.

[Aiga]

Hello Aiga,

How old is your mother? You think she has BPD. What have you and your brother been dealing with, and is there any history of mental health treatment?

Turkish

Turkish my mom is in her 70's however I cannot confirm that either as she's never shared her true age. My brother will hopefully join this board and share but I shared alot of the symptoms above in the thread... .

[Kwamina]

Hi again Aiga

The behaviors she exhibits are that she is overreactive, ultra dramatic, we can't tell if her emotions are real at times, she has broken numerous friendships and family ties, cold, extremely offensive to my family members and others, verbally abusive to my father and my brother and his wife (+ all family members). She is generally always on the offense or on the defense with someone. She feels attacked. She has threatened to "leave this place forever". Hurtful comments, deceptive, one-sided thinking, inconsistent behavior, mood swings, crying and then extremely happy and then angry again. Tries to get others to pin people against my brother and I. Generally crazy (ergh... .).

People with BPD often have a very unstable sense of self and often struggle with understanding their own emotions and those of others. The struggles with interpersonal relationships are also quite a common characteristic of BPD and also related to the previous points.

As a result of distorted thinking patterns people with BPD often might perceive what others would consider innocuous comments or events, as major slights. This could very well explain why your mother tends to feel attacked.

What does your mother say about her verbal abuse? Does she justify her behavior?

You also mention that she has threatened to "leave this place forever", do you believe she meant she would hurt herself? Has she ever before tried to physically hurt herself?