Finally pregnant but stucked big time

[AfterTheRainComesSun]

Hey  I hope there is somebody here to listen... .

I feel so hurt, afraid, stucked and lost... .

So, Im in a relationship with a BPD girfriend for 7 years now and we really had a roller coster from time to time, almost once per month I said sth "wrong" and she was accussing me for one little word or sentence or question that I posed. Then she is raging and b___ing, being really mean to me and wanting to hurt me 100 times back. Very manipulative... .

However, things got a bit better last year and she found a great therapy group, went through diagnosis and is soon starting her individual therapy, in March. But Im really so tired of her raging and building walls and ruining every special occasion or sth of a great importance to me that I started to think to leave... .many times... .but always managed to come back... .yeah, I think I might be co-dependent and addicted to her positive emotions when she comes back to me and loves me crazily... .huh!

So, we have been planning to start a family for about two years now and have been visiting the clinic for more than a year. Finally we succeded and I got pregnant (now 2 months), we were so happy for the whole two months, no fights and collapses... .but now it seems that she is getting pregnancy symptoms as well, her period is 10 days late, she had a big rage last week which is still going on, she is trying to ruin everything whats important for me and boycotting the first meeting with a midwife - she actually took a day off to go with me but now she is so angry at me (coz I again said one "wrong" word and hurted her) that she is manipulating me with not coming along... .And this meeting is very important coz we could see a heart beat or not... .it's a first meeting to see if everything is alright... .

I totally panicked coz I really thought that after I get pregnant things will get better between us (so naive of me!) and I pictured many hypotethical situations when a kid would have some important event and she would just not show up coz of raging in her head over a word or sentence... .Now I really don't know what to do... .it's true that I became soo tired of her problems and BPD and the fact that it could be cured with a proper therapy in 1 or 2 years really kept me going... .but now I only see a wall... .I don't know, maybe my hormones are talking or some protective energy that is waking up in me... .

But my mind keeps on saying, just one more year, just one more year, she will get better... .and things would turn out just great... .but at the same time I know my mind is always too optimistic... .Im lost!   :'(

[Euler2718]

how often is the therapy taking place? maybe if it is intense it will do some good.

[AfterTheRainComesSun]

how often is the therapy taking place? maybe if it is intense it will do some good.

It hasn't started yet - she is on the waiting list and probably it starts in March... .and it seems a really good one with learning practical things how to cope with the turmoils inside... .

But I'm so tired already, can't accept her BPD anymore... .and want to stop being a caretaker... .maybe all this coz of hormones and some natural power to protect a child... .I don't know. Has any of you had similar experience?