POLL: Will your ex be able to eventually find a sustainable relationship

[blackbirdsong]

We all probably wonder if they will get better. To me this is one of the reasons that makes me a bit harder to let it go.

We know that BPD is part of the personality, it is hard to expect full recovery. But then again, what is full recovery? I see people around me having BPD traits, actually I don't know anyone who doesn't show some sort of behavior that is part of BPD, just not in so extreme values (I hope, you know what I mean, not stating that all are BPDs, but it is hard to point out fully emotional stable person in your environment, "the perfect one"

So, in this context, the recovery means, as it is also known in psychology, not saying that BPD is gone, just to say that (for most of them) symptoms withdrawal has occurred.

[Skip]

We made a few technical changes to the poll to better reflect the question in your narrative.

[C.Stein]

My ex may have learned some valuable lessons at my expense, or at least learned how to hide her "dark side" better. Or perhaps she learned she needs to find a lapdog/doormat.  I voted possibly because of these possibilities.

One thing I do believe though is she does have the potential to be a good, if not great, partner ... .if and only if she can consistently be self-aware of her behavior, actions and resulting consequences before, not after they occur.  That said I believe she is more comfortable with denial and avoidance of herself rather than taking the necessary steps for self-improvement which are needed in order for her to be in the type of relationship she desperately wants.

[unicorn2014]

I know my d15 would appreciate it if her father would settle down, she's told him so more then once. He's been through one live in relationship and countless girlfriends since the divorce. The older woman  live in relationship got tired of his antics and left him behind in her apartment. Since he refuses treatment and self medicates his prognosis for relationship stability is not good.

My ex also  treats  our d15 as a third wheel in his relationships and that  really hurts her and she's also told him that as well.

All in all it would be better for everyone if he were to settle down however I think his disorder has progressed since the divorce and I think he is becoming less of a candidate for remarriage as time goes on.

[GreenEyedMonster]

I really don't see it happening for my ex.  This is possibly because he is more NPD than BPD.  He has absolutely ZERO tolerance for even the smallest conflict or disagreement.  He can't realistically evaluate situations before he enters them because he idealizes people so strongly.  He underestimates the commitment it would take to be a step-parent when he dates women who have children. 

This is all aside from the fact that his income places him below the poverty level, he lacks insurance, drives an ancient car, likes to stay home and play with toys rather than earn money, and if his current spending continues, he will likely lose his house. 

If his relationship issues didn't outright kill his chances with someone, a lot of the side issues, like his financial management, would cause massive conflict in a relationship.

No, I think he will end up with his cats and Taco Bell wrappers in the end.  Sad but true.