Fiance left

[Pappy]

Hi my fiancé left in December saying she wasn't in love with me anymore.  We were engaged in September.  She left last year over the Holidays as well to be with the same guy.  Came Back.  Left again in April.  Back in May.  Thought the commitment to marriage would do it as we had been dating for 6 years.  Love her very much and understand some of the back and forth aspects of this.  Would just like it to be within the relationship when she feels the need to go.  I know she wants to be chased.  She's told me that before.  I want to show her I love her and am not forgetting about her but confused on how to do it and keep my sanity.  Going to a therapist and working on the codependant aspects of me and trying to stay busy with fitness, salsa dancing lessons etc.  Am grateful for thoughts and input. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[cosmonaut]

Hi, Pappy  



Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your fiance leaving.  It must have been crushing to hear her say that she isn't in love with you anymore.  It seems like you've been on an emotional roller coaster for a while now.  That must be exhausting.  The push/pull aspect of a relationship with a partner with BPD can be immensely confusing and painful.  Even traumatic.  So, please know that we all understand how difficult this is and please know that you are not alone.

Can you tell us some more about your breakup and any contact you've had since then?

That's great that you are focusing on taking care of you right now.  That is so important.  Eating well, getting enough sleep, getting some exercise and socializing are all things that will help us to weather this period much better.  So, that's great that you are already working on being good to yourself.

I hope you'll keep posting and let us support you through this.  These relationships are very hard and they can take a tremendous emotional toll.  Everyone here can understand.  We've been through similar.  Hang in there.