Introduction

[ladylee]

This is my first post and introduction and I am glad to have found this site. My husband and I are separated and he is undiagnosed and not in treatment. I am in treatment He admits he "has problems" but drops in and out of therapy. I did move out because my health was suffering and it just was not enough to live in two rooms of the house and avoid his mood swings. I also had to avoid job discrimination  (another story). His controlling and unpredictable behaviors were placing us in harms way, so I basically hit the reset button for us both by leaving. I'm now trying to plan my new direction, but it's hard. Even though I stopped feeling being in the relationship was safe, I actually still feel love for him, but he has been giving me hot and cold treatment since I left. It's hard to let go of this chaotic relationship. We were married for nine years.

[Newton]

Hello ladylee  ... .welcome to bpdfamily.com   

I'm very glad to hear your are looking for a variety of sources to help yourself... .if you are comfortable to discuss... .what sort of personal treatment have you sought out, for you?... .are you finding it valuable?... .

What type of therapy does he engage in?... .

When things have broken down badly, sometimes a 'time out' is the only sensible decision for a while.  It takes a strong person to do this.  I know it can appear to others (and as told by our internal fears... to ourselves) as abandoning behaviour... .I have learned now it can be a very caring act... .for both parties

Nine years is a very significant commitment to anyone... .do you have children together?... .You mentioned feeling in harms way... .again, if you are ok to elaborate, what did this look like?... .

Kind regards... .Newton.

[ladylee]

Hi Newton, I do one on one talk therapy with a psychologist. My husband has children with his first wife, not me. Sometimes he drinks to block his feelings. The problem became worse after he retired and started driving g drunk more often, we had arguments and I had to fight for the keys, then there was gambling and spending, anything that he could obsess in, I find unsafe to our future and health.

[Newton]

Hey ladylee... .thanks for the response  ... .one to one therapy was a very helpful contribution to my recovery journey... .glad to hear you are choosing that path  

Drunk driving is not cool!... .did he transport the children in the car whilst drunk?... .I'm glad you intervened and fought for the keys... .not nice for you to have to do ... .(I have done the same with an alcoholic uncle, I put him on the floor   )

So it appears his addictions caused major problems in the relationship... .I understand why you needed to remove yourself from this chaos.!

Where are you now regards your emotions?... .I appreciate he is behaving "hot/cold"... .what do you want?... .are you safe now?... .

[ladylee]

His children are adults in their twenties and thirties, but yes, at a party he did try to drive all of us from the party to the hotel and I had to stop him and take the keys and give them to his son to drive.  Other members of his family are BPD and drink or rage so I had my hands full.  Right now I am trying to focus on myself and overcome depression, find new activities. My new therapist is helping me redirect my psychic energy.  I am not sure how to break these last threads but I have to because they are dragging me down. He was very nurturing in the beginning of the relationship but then became very abusive and I did not know what it was, now I know. Maybe because he knew I was going to leave, or maybe he grew tired of me, not sure, either way, it sucks. I have never experienced depression until now.